


I Meant to Ask You

by fairytaleslayer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Family, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Story, Mutual Pining, Occasional angst, Slow Burn, but they're together constantly, childhood best friends, dad!Gustus, is my fave, so you'll get lots and lots of clexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2018-08-30 11:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 42,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8530621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytaleslayer/pseuds/fairytaleslayer
Summary: Clarke Griffin and Lexa Woods have been best friends since Clarke’s mom moved three doors down from Lexa and her father. They’ve also been in love with each other since before they knew what it meant.OrThe “I called you to discuss what we’re going to wear to prom together – what do you mean ‘I never asked you to go’” Prom AU that got completely out of hand and now these two gay children are going to drive Gustus gray.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just – it’s so much fluff, guys. It starts cute, the middle’s cute, and it’s gonna end cute. At least in my opinion. This is my favorite story I’ve written to date (including the Fight Me series, yes). I've been working on this for a long time and I just absolutely adore it and couldn’t wait to share it with you guys. And after the shit show that was Tuesday, I could use some good things right now. Clarke doesn’t come in until Chapter 2 but I hope you like the first chapter anyway. It’s one of my favorites.

Lexa was two the first time she met Gustus. She’d already been in the group home for six months, and she ruled over the rest of the toddlers. Or at least, that’s how Gustus described it to her. All she had was a vague memory of a huge, hulking man with a lot of hair towering over her one afternoon and a feeling of being frightened. But Gustus had knelt in front of her and asked her quiet questions about her stuffed animals, and by the time evening came around, Lexa was so attached to him she cried when he walked out the door.

Gustus came and visited her almost every day after that. Usually he stayed for a few hours in the afternoon, playing with Lexa and helping her learn how to read. And each night when he left, Gustus made sure to tell Lexa the day he would be back. Lexa had learned quickly, even at the age of two, that a lot of adults couldn’t be trusted to keep their word. But Gustus never broke a promise he made to her.

“Hei, strik Heda,” Gustus greeted her with a smile in that funny language of his. He said it was what his family spoke a long time ago, and when she’d asked if he could teach her, he’d happily obliged. Lexa could understand a lot of words now – she really liked when he called her ‘Commander’, like she was a big person. “I have a very big question for you.”

“What Gus?” She was four now. She could answer big questions.

“Would you like to come live with me? At my house?” Gustus sounded a little bit scared.

Lexa stared at Gustus in awe. Sometimes kids went away and didn’t come back. When she asked Indra why, she’d said it was because they got new parents, and went to live with them. Lexa was jealous of those kids. “You mean – forever? I can come with you forever?” she asked, her eyes wide in excitement.

Gustus nodded. “Yeah, we can sure try, Little Lex. If you want to.”

Lexa automatically looked over to Indra for permission. She just shook her head. “You have to pick, Lexa,” the woman told her. “It’s up to you.”

She thought about it quickly, then jumped up and down and threw her arms around the big man. “Yes, Gus, yes!” she shrieked, practically vibrating in joy. Gustus _wanted_ her.

Gustus scooped her up into a bear hug, making Lexa squeal in delight. “Well then, come on. I got something for you.” He carried Lexa outside to his truck and opened the passenger door. “What do you think of that?”

Lexa gave Gustus a bright smile when she saw the little green suitcase. “It’s my favorite.”

“Yeah, this way we have something to put your stuff in. We’re not starting this adventure with a trash bag.”

They went up the stairs of the group home together, and Gustus helped Lexa pack all of the clothes that she had, and a couple picture books that had been Christmas gifts from Indra. Lexa couldn’t take any of her stuffed animals with her, since they belonged to the home, and she wanted to cry, but she was too excited to be going to live with Gustus to be sad for very long.

“That everything kiddo?”

“Yeah. Can we go?” Lexa asked. She really wanted to see Gustus’ house. She’d bet it was nice.

“Let’s go home, Heda.”

* * *

“So, Alexandria. Do you enjoy living with Gustus?” the social worker asked a few weeks later.

Lexa didn’t like the social worker. She’d come to the house every week since she went to live with Gustus, and she always asked mean questions. She didn’t believe her when Lexa said she loved Gustus and his house. And she always called her Alexandria, like she was in trouble.

“Lexa,” she muttered.

“I’m sorry?”

Lexa frowned up at her from where she’d been playing with her new stuffed dog on the floor. “My name is Lexa,” she said firmly.

“Back to my question,” the social worker – Nai or Nia, Lexa thought – completely ignored her. “Do you like living with Mr. Woods?”

“Gustus is nice,” Lexa said reasonably. She loved Gustus. “We had eggs and, and, hot bread for breakfast.”

“Toast, strik Heda,” Gustus corrected her.

Lexa nodded. “Eggs and toast. And he said that we could go camping soon, and he’s gonna teach me to fish!”

“Uh-huh,” Nia drawled. “Mr. Woods, I’d like to speak with you privately for a moment.”

Gustus sighed, making Lexa look up in worry. He smiled at her. “Play with your dog for a minute, Lexa. We’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” Lexa watched them walk into the kitchen. She could tell Gustus was worried about something, and it was that Nia’s fault. She was being mean. Lexa crept over to the doorway, hiding on the other side of the wall so she could hear what the adults were saying.

“– just don’t think it’s the appropriate environment for a little girl, Mr. Woods,” Nia was saying.

“No, what you mean is you don’t think a man can raise a child on his own,” Gustus denied. “I have spent every second with Lexa that I can for the last two years. It took three years after my wife died for the agency to even agree to let me foster a child, and another two before you would allow me to bring Lexa home. You left her in a group home for two _years_ , when she could have been with me. Haven’t I proven myself to the agency yet? I love Lexa – I let her decide what she wanted to do, and she chose me. Isn’t that enough?”

“Mr. Woods, this isn’t working out. I think Alexandria would be better off if she just came –”

Lexa couldn’t take any more. “I don’t wanna go with you!” she shouted, running to stand behind Gustus and wrap her arms around his knees. “I wanna stay with Gustus! We read, and play outside, and – and make food, and – and –” she struggled to come up with another reason why Gustus was the best. “I don’t like you, I wanna stay with Gustus,” she finished instead.

“That may not be your choice, Alexandria,” Nia glared at her, angry at the interruption.

Gustus rested his hand on Lexa’s hair, trying to calm her down. “It’s okay, little Lex. It’ll be fine.” He looked back up at Nia. “No offense, but I think we want to speak with a different social worker. It’s just not working out between us.”

* * *

Lexa bounced excitedly in her car seat as Gustus pulled into the campground. As he’d promised, Gustus had gone into the adoption agency and voiced his concerns about Nia being Lexa’s social worker. Lexa had had to answer some questions without Gustus next to her, which had been scary. But she’d told the man that she loved living with Gustus and Nia was mean and wanted to take her away. A new social worker, Luna, had visited their house, and a week later, Gustus told her that she was allowed to stay with him indefinitely.

Now Gustus was taking her camping and was going to teach her how to fish – just like he promised. “Hurry, Gus, hurry!”

“Easy, kiddo. We have to set up camp first before we can go to the lake.”

Lexa crossed her arms and pouted, but was soon distracted by the sight of a _huge_ amount of water in front of her. “Gus, is that it?”

“That’s it, Lex. We’ll just put the tents together real quick and then you can go play until dinner, okay?” her foster dad offered.

“Okay.” Lexa couldn’t take her eyes off the lake. She’d never seen more water than what she could have a bath in – and this had to be like, at _least_ a hundred bathtubs of water. She wasn’t sure what came after a hundred, but maybe even that many bathtubs. That was a lot of water.

Gustus parked the car and went to the back seat to let Lexa out of her booster. “Here we go,” he grunted, lifting Lexa and setting her on the ground. Lexa immediately ran a few steps towards the water. “Ah-ah,” Gustus warned, and Lexa froze guiltily. “Okay, miss – there’s gonna have to be some rules. First, you cannot go into the water unless I am with you, understand.”

“Yes, Gustus,” Lexa murmured.

“Second, when you play in the water, you always have to wear your life jacket. Last, there is no going to the water at night. Think you can do that for me?”

Lexa nodded seriously.

“Also, you’re learning how to swim this week.”

The toddler practically wiggled with joy at the thought. Luckily, setting up camp didn’t take too long. Gustus let her pick up sticks for building a fire later by herself, as long as she didn’t stray out of sight of where he was putting together their tents. Lexa swung a stick around like a sword, fighting off imaginary monsters as she looked for other good sticks to burn. Once she had a couple armfuls by the circle of rocks Gustus said they would build the fire in, she went to see what Gustus was doing.

One tiny tent was up – Lexa was pretty sure she was supposed to sleep in that one. Another, much larger tent right next to it was nearly finished. Gustus was just putting the last few rod things on and then it would be done. And then they could go to the lake.

Lexa took the opportunity of Gustus being distracted to jump on his back. “Lake now!” she urged.

Gustus laughed, reaching behind to wrap her legs securely around his waist. “Alright, Heda. Did you get all the wood?”

“Yes. Lake now.”

“Okay, your suitcase is in your tent. Find your swim suit and bring it out here.”

Lexa scrambled down and ran to the tent opening. She dug quickly through her case and found the green striped suit that Gustus had let her pick out when he took her shopping for clothes after she went to live with him. Lexa grabbed it and ran back to her foster dad.

“Great job, kiddo. Can you put it on yourself or do you need help?”

Lexa eyed the suit doubtfully. She’d never put one on before. “Help?” she decided, looking up nervously to see if that was okay.

Gustus smiled warmly. “It’s alright to ask for help, Heda. Don’t forget that. Now. Just step out of your shorts, and I’ll help you into the bottoms.” He tugged the stretchy material into the proper place, lifting Lexa up with the force that he used and making her giggle wildly. “Okay, now for the top.” Lexa tugged her shirt off and Gustus slid the swim top over her head, and then she was ready.

Lexa took off for the water again, but Gustus called her back. “Lexa, what was rule number two?”

The toddler winced. “Life jacket,” she remembered.

“Good girl. Give me two seconds and I’ll get it.” He went to the bed of the truck and pulled out the tiny vest. “Alright. Now you can run.”

Lexa was off like a shot, heading straight for the shore. She froze just before reaching the edge of the lake, remembering that she wasn’t allowed to play without her jacket or Gustus. Instead, she crouched down and patted the water with her hand. “It’s warm!” she called back to Gustus, surprised.

“The sun warms up the shallow water during the summer, but go much deeper and it starts to get very dark and cold and not even the sun can warm it up,” Gustus explained. “Here, let’s put this on and you can see what I mean.”

Lexa slid the vest onto her shoulders and Gustus clipped it shut. “It’s tight,” she complained, pulling at where it fit snugly around her chest.

Gustus chuckled. “That’s to make sure you don’t slip out, kiddo. Go on. You can go in now.” His only answer was splashing as Lexa tossed herself into the water. She paddled around aimlessly, a delighted grin on her face. He let her do that for a while, even partaking in a splash war before he called her back closer to the shore. “You ready to learn how to swim?”

“Yeah!”

“Then first, we have to get that vest off of you.”

Lexa gave him a confused look. “You said I can’t play in the water without it,” she reasoned.

Gustus shook his head. She was too smart for her own good. “And that is true. But this is the exception – you can’t learn to swim with the vest on. But I’m going to be right next to you the whole time so it’s okay this once.”

“Okay, Gustus.” Lexa trusted him. He unclipped the jacket and let it float on the water next to him.

“I’m going to tilt you so you’re lying on your back okay? And I want you to relax and just float there with your legs straight. Like you’re taking a nap. The air you breathe in will keep you afloat,” he coached.

Lexa flinched when she felt the water rippling around her ears. She tried to sit up, but Gustus held her on her back. “It’s okay,” he soothed. “Just lay back. You’re fine – I’ve got you.” Lexa eyed him suspiciously, but obeyed. She could feel his hands under her, keeping her afloat, so she tried to relax, like he’d said. “That’s good, Lexa,” Gustus praised. “I’m going to move my hands away now. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

“Wait!” Lexa panicked, floundering. Water went in her nose, and she choked.

Strong hands immediately scooped her out of the water and she clung to Gustus’ shoulders, shivering and coughing. “You’re alright, Lexa.” Gustus patted her back gently.

“Hurts,” Lexa whimpered, rubbing at her nose to make the stinging go away.

“I know, Lexa. You were doing very well, but you have to trust me. Do you want to try again?”

Lexa nodded hesitantly. She didn’t want any more water in her nose, but she wanted to swim. She let Gustus set her on her back again without a fuss, and this time tried to keep her body flat like Gustus had told her. “Okay,” she said, letting him know it was alright to let go.

Slowly, the hands left her back, and Lexa closed her eyes tight and tried to breathe. There was silence for a few moments. Then the hands were under her again and she was being lifted. “That was wonderful, Lexa!” Gustus praised her. “You did perfect!”

Lexa grinned big at Gustus, proud of herself. “I did it!”

“Yes you did, strik Heda. You did so well.” Gustus spent the next thirty minutes teaching Lexa how to get into the floating position if she ever fell into the water on accident. By the end of the afternoon, Lexa could float after being dropped by Gustus, and doggy paddle around without her jacket on. Gustus ended the day by letting Lexa put her life vest on and swim with him into deeper water.

When he finally managed to coax Lexa out of the lake, Gustus had to carry the exhausted girl back to their campsite. He set her down on the table and quickly built a fire. Lexa watched on interestedly. “You can help me tomorrow, kiddo,” Gustus promised her. Once the fire was high enough, he pulled out the hot dogs he’d brought, sticking one on a metal prong and handing it to Lexa. “Don’t put this directly in the fire unless you’re a fan of burnt food. Personally, I wouldn’t suggest it.” He kept an eye on the four year old while he prepared his own food. Lexa was fiercely concentrating, holding the hot dog at an angle that just barely kept it out of the flames, but she was tired. Every few seconds, it would droop, and then she’d jerk it back up. The poor kid was falling asleep in her seat.

When it looked like her food was as done as it was going to get, Gustus pulled it away from the fire and placed it in a bun, gave the girl some ketchup, and let her eat. It was a slow process, and Lexa only ate about half of it before she just kind of slumped over and started pushing it around her plate, clearly too tired to eat more. “Okay, Lexa. It’s off to bed for you,” Gustus announced.

Lexa shot up, blinking her eyes open. “No, I’m a-a-awake,” a giant yawn interrupted her protest.

“Very convincing,” Gustus chuckled. “Now brush your teeth and put your pajamas on.”

The toddler pouted but went to do as she was told. Gustus took the opportunity to eat his dinner, and when Lexa came back, he settled her in her tent. He placed his small iPod near her pillow, playing a lullaby at its lowest volume. It was mere seconds before Lexa had drifted off to sleep. “Good night, strik Heda,” he whispered, giving her a kiss on the forehead before zipping her tent up and leaving her to her dreams.

* * *

A noise woke Lexa in the middle of the night. She froze, not sure what the sound was. Then it came again. It was a rustling noise – like something in the bushes. It sounded like it was getting closer. Lexa whined, frightened of what it could be. A sudden, louder, sound had her scrambling from her sleeping bag and out of her tent to Gustus’ two feet away. She hurriedly unzipped his door with shaking hands before throwing herself on top of her sleeping foster dad. “Gustus!”

Gustus grunted at the thirty pound body making contact with his chest. “Lexa?” he muttered sleepily. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Lexa burrowed her face into his shoulder, trying to hold back tears. “Noises coming to get me,” she whimpered. “Wanna stay with you.”

“Okay, sweetheart. You can stay here tonight,” Gustus agreed. “It’s just the wind in the trees, though. There’s nothing to be scared of. I’m here.”

He lifted up his sleeping bag, and Lexa wriggled in, curling up to his side. “Night, Daddy.” Her words were barely more than a breath, and when Gustus looked down in shock, Lexa was already fast asleep.

* * *

Lexa woke up a second time to the much more calming sound of Gustus humming nearby. It was morning, and today Gustus was going to teach her how to fish. She pushed her foster dad’s too heavy sleeping bag off of her and made for the door.

Gustus had a small fire going, and a pot of something on the grate over it. Not too interested in breakfast, Lexa ran over to his side and pulled on his shirt. “Gus, fishing!” she reminded him.

“I remember, goufa. But breakfast first.”

Lexa rushed through dressing and eating, trying to get Gustus to go faster too. Gustus just laughed and slowed down even more, making Lexa huff and try to push him toward the truck to grab whatever people needed to fish. Lexa wasn’t quite sure what they were supposed to use.

“Life jacket?” she asked when Gustus just fetched a box and two weird skinny metal sticks with strings on them.

Gustus shook his head. “We’re going on the dock, not in the water. You’ll be fine.”

Lexa nodded excitedly. She ran a few steps ahead of Gustus the whole way, looking back to make sure she was going the right direction. When she caught sight of the dock, Lexa ran back to Gustus and started tugging on his hand. “Come on, come on!” she urged.

“You are the most excited kid to learn how to fish I have ever seen,” Gustus chuckled. “It’s weird.”

Lexa ignored him. Gustus set them up on the end of the dock. It was still fairly early, and there were a few small fishing boats out on the lake but they had the dock to themselves. He handed Lexa a tiny blue rod that had Dory and Marlin from Finding Nemo – her favorite movie – on the reel. Next came a small container. When Gustus opened it, Lexa saw a bunch of worms wiggling through some wet dirt.

“We put these on the hook to make the fish want to bite it,” Gustus explained.

He picked one up to help Lexa. “I wanna do it!” Lexa interrupted. “I can do it!” she insisted.

“Alright,” Gustus allowed. He handed the worm over.

Lexa scrunched her nose when she felt it squirming in her hand. She tried to poke it onto the hook, but she missed and lost her hold on the slimy thing. The worm fell into the water. “I'm sorry!” Lexa cried frantically. “I didn't mean to, please don't be mad!”

A large hand rested gently on her shoulder. “It's okay, Lexa,” Gustus reassured her. “I'm not angry – it was an accident. But that's why I was going to show you how to do it the first time. So you could learn and then do it on your own. Understand?”

The toddler nodded shakily, her fear abating. Lexa had been scared that Gustus would be so mad he'd take her back to Indra's group home. She liked Indra, but she _loved_ Gustus. She wanted to live with him forever. “Can you show me?” she asked timidly.

“Of course, little one.” Gustus demonstrated how to get the worm on the hook and then how to cast it into the water, promising she could do the next one. Then he explained how fishing was mostly a test of patience – how long she could leave the hook in the water without reeling it in too soon.

Lexa was determined to let the line sit in the water until she got a fish, but after twenty minutes, she was getting bored. Gustus was dealing with his own pole, and Lexa was just getting ready to ask how much longer it was going to take when her pole moved. She quickly turned back to stare at it, wondering if she had just imagined the small tug.

But then it dipped again, stronger this time. “Gustus!” she yelled. “Gustus it's moving!”

Gustus hurried over. “Great job, Heda,” he praised. “Do you want to reel it in or do you want help?”

“Can I try?” Lexa asked.

“Definitely.”

It was a game of tug of war, and the fish put it up a large fight. Lexa kept on winding up her string slowly, waiting for the fish to tire out. Gustus just hoped she didn't tire out first. He could see that it was getting harder for her to reel in the line, and he placed his hands on her waist to make sure she didn't get pulled into the water with the fish. But eventually, Lexa won, and her prize flopped onto the wooden planks.

Gustus almost fell in himself when he saw the size of the fish Lexa had caught. He honestly hadn't expected her to be able to catch anything with her tiny little rod – he just wanted her to feel included and she seemed too excited about learning for him to not let her try. But now he was staring at a fish that probably weighed only a few pounds less than Lexa herself.

The girl shrieked in delight. “Gustus, look!” she yelped. “It's big!”

“That it is, Heda,” he congratulated her. “Bigger than any fish I've ever caught.” Lexa practically glowed with pride, unable to keep still. Gustus went over to pick up the fish and hand it to her. “Okay, let's get your picture with this monster.” Lexa grinned widely as Gustus took at least ten pictures with his phone, before he reached for the fish again.

“Gus, we have to let it go!” Lexa was all of a sudden worried. “What if he has a family, like Nemo? Please put him back,” she begged.

Gustus didn't have the heart to tell her that it was lake rules to release any fish caught that size anyways. “I'm going to, strik Heda,” he promised. “I have to take the hook out first, though. Remember, like Marlin?”

Lexa nodded solemnly. She watched as Gustus carefully removed the hook and set it aside, handing the fish back to the toddler. He held onto her waist as she leaned over the edge of the dock to set the fish back in the water and watched it dart away.

“Good job, Lexa. Do you want to try again or go swimming instead?”

Lexa brightened. “Swimming!”

* * *

It was Lexa's fifth birthday and she had just started kindergarten a couple weeks ago. She had been living with Gustus for nearly a year, and Gustus finally had some good news. “Lexa, can you come in here please?” he called from the kitchen.

Lexa ran down the stairs, the double hop she always did at the last step made Gustus smile. “What?” she asked as she hauled herself into a bar stool. She had to stop and rest on her stomach halfway through before she finished squirming into the chair.

“You like living with me, don't you?”

“I love it, Gus,” Lexa replied without hesitation, confused. Didn't her foster dad know that?

Gustus nodded, looking relieved. “Well, I've been speaking with the agency. And doing a lot of paperwork. I know you've been wondering why Luna's been coming around more often the past couple months and asking you questions, and it's because I have been trying to legally adopt you. The papers finally came through yesterday. The agency has okay'd it. Now the only thing left is for me to ask you, Lexa, if you want to be my daughter.”

Lexa stared up at Gustus in wonder, her mouth wide open. She knew Gustus loved her but to want her forever? “You – You want to be my dad?” she whispered disbelievingly.

Gustus smiled tearfully and nodded. “More than anything,” he confirmed.

Lexa threw herself off the stool and into his arms. “Yes! Yes, yes, yes!” she yelled enthusiastically. It took a while for Lexa to calm down enough to let go of Gustus. When she did, she looked nervous again. “Can I – can I call you Dad, now?” she asked timidly.

“Of course you can, strik Heda. I would love it if you did,” Gustus answered. Lexa lunged into his chest again, burying her face in his neck. He could feel silent tears working their way through his beard and dripping onto his skin, and he held his little girl tighter. Lexa had only called him Dad the one time, almost a year ago now. She’d hesitated a few times in her sentences, giving him looks so filled with longing that he would want to give in and just tell her to call him whatever she wanted. But he never wanted to give Lexa false hope, and it had been such a battle to get her, and keeping her was never a guarantee so he hadn’t pushed the issue. But now she was his on paper – even though he had belonged to this girl since she was two.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa meets Clarke for the very first time and is instantly smitten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two! The response to the first chapter completely overwhelmed any expectations that I had, so thank you all so much for that and I'm glad you guys enjoyed it. And I forgot last chapter, but you all gotta thank chuckleshan because, as usual, if she ever stopped bugging me for backstories on little ideas I get, I'd never write anything. This story is entirely her fault.

“Dad! Somebody’s moving into the Cartwig house!” Lexa yelled from where she was glued to the front window. Movers had been going in and out of the house three doors down all morning, and Lexa was waiting to see if the new family had any kids her age. Most of the kids on her block were a few years older or younger than her almost eight, except for that one girl, Ontari. But she always tried to steal her things or pull her hair and Lexa didn’t like her.

Gustus came over to see what had Lexa so interested. “So they are,” he mused. “Do you want to go say hello later?”

Lexa nodded absentmindedly, still staring out the window. She kept watch the rest of the morning, waiting for their new neighbors to show up. Finally, her sentry was rewarded. A shiny car pulled into the driveway. A woman got out and opened the back door. A girl with blonde hair pulled back into a messy braid crawled out and waited for her mom. Lexa thought the other girl looked sad. “Dad, they have a girl my age!” she shouted once more.

“Still right here, Heda,” Gustus chuckled from behind her. Lexa winced and glanced at him sheepishly. “And I see her. I guess now we really should go introduce ourselves.”

Lexa could barely eat her lunch she was so excited to meet their new semi-neighbors. Summer vacation was always so boring – there was no one in the neighborhood to play with and no schoolwork to keep Lexa occupied. She hoped the new girl would be the solution.

Eventually, Gustus deemed it an appropriate time to head over to the old Cartwig place. Lexa practically bounced along as she walked beside her dad who was taking far too long for her liking. But they finally reached the door, and Gustus let her ring the doorbell.

The woman Lexa had seen earlier opened the door a few seconds later. “Oh. Hello.”

“Hi, my name’s Gustus Woods and this is my daughter – Lexa,” Gustus introduced himself, holding out a hand for the woman to shake. “Lexa here saw you moving in and was quite excited to see a girl her age, so I thought we’d come over and welcome you to the neighborhood. We’re just three doors down.”

“Abby Griffin. It’s very nice to meet you. And you, Lexa,” Abby added. “Clarke! Would you come down here, please?” she called behind her. Lexa could hear quiet footsteps, and then the little blonde girl appeared. Her hair wasn’t in braids anymore, instead cascading down her back. Lexa thought it looked pretty. “Clarke this is Gustus and Lexa. They live a few houses away and wanted to say hello. Isn’t that nice?”

Clarke gave a perfunctory wave, but didn’t say anything. Lexa waved back and gave her a small smile to show Clarke she wasn’t mean. Clarke hid herself behind her mother’s legs.

“I’m sorry,” Abby apologized for her. “Clarke isn’t talking much right now. But you two are welcome to come in. Coffee?” she asked Gustus.

“Coffee would be excellent,” Gustus agreed. Lexa followed her dad inside, glancing at Clarke every few seconds.

Clarke stuck close to her mom. Abby pulled out some blank paper and a pencil, setting the blonde girl up at the dining room table while she made coffee. Lexa wandered over to see what Clarke was drawing. The other girl didn’t say anything, but she did push another chair out with her foot, a silent invitation for Lexa to watch that she took. Lexa crawled up into the chair and looked on, fascinated, as an entire world came to life under Clarke’s pencil tip.

A clearing in a forest took shape, complete with large tents and various people holding torches below a night sky. The people were rough sketches – Lexa thought Clarke would go back to them later. Clarke focused mostly on the trees for the moment, giving them such incredible detail. Lexa was unaware of anything the adults were talking about in the other room, she was so enraptured with Clarke’s art.

“So, Lexa will be in third grade?” Abby asked Gustus as she watched the two girls to make sure Clarke was okay.

“Yes, she’s looking forward to it. Summer bores her, especially with no one to play with,” Gustus explained. “She was really very excited when she saw you and Clarke show up.”

Abby smiled briefly. “Yes, well. We needed a change from D.C. Things have been – difficult, the last few months. Especially for Clarke. She needs her world to be quieter right now. After her dad –” she cut off abruptly.

Gustus looked at her compassionately. “I lost my wife to cancer before I adopted Lexa. Lexa never got to meet her,” he revealed. “Sometimes it helps to speak about it.”

Abby nodded, biting her lip. “Clarke and Jake – my husband – were in an accident. Clarke only survived because she refuses to ever sit on the driver’s side of the vehicle. She always had to be able to see Jake from her seat. She was trapped in a demolished car with her father’s body for over an hour before emergency crews could get her out,” Abby choked on the words. She didn’t know why she was telling an almost stranger their sob story, but she hadn’t spoken about it to anyone else. She had to tell someone before it ate her up from the inside, and at least this kind looking man could understand her loss. “She didn’t speak for a month after the accident, she was so traumatized. Even now, Clarke only talks to me and that’s not much more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ every once in a while.”

They both watched their girls for a few moments. Lexa was asking quiet questions that Clarke could answer with a nod or shake of her head, having picked up on the fact that Clarke probably wouldn’t say anything back. “Can you draw an eagle?” they heard Lexa ask. Clarke nodded quickly and set to work with Lexa looking on in awe.

“Your daughter is kind,” Abby pointed out. “You are raising her well.”

Gustus shook his head. “I can’t take the credit. She was like that before I got her.”

Abby watched Clarke some more, sadness in her eyes. “Clarke has a panic attack whenever she hears a siren. She has nightmares every night and her screams are what wake her up. Every time I try to get her in the car, she works herself into such a frantic mess that she vomits. I just – didn’t know what to do anymore. It’s quiet here. Clarke can walk or ride her bike to school. Maybe she can be better here.” Abby’s words sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

“I walk Lexa to school in the mornings. They seem to be getting along well – I don’t think Lexa would mind an addition to the party come fall,” Gustus offered.

“Thank you.” Abby gave him a grateful look. “But it’s too much trouble. I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

Gustus shrugged. “Lexa is lonely. Meeting Clarke is the most animated she’s been since school let out. If they end up becoming friends, I’d be happy to do it. But school is a couple months away. We can talk about it again later.”

“I will keep it in mind,” Abby promised. “Girls, do you want a snack?”

Clarke nodded.

“Yes please,” Lexa added.

Abby put a plate of cookies in front of them. “Clarke, honey, why don’t you show Lexa your new room?” she suggested.

Clarke nodded again and grabbed her drawing and pencil. Lexa took the plate and followed the blonde girl up the stairs to the second door on the right. She set the plate down on Clarke’s desk, and was about to reach for a cookie when she caught sight of a slightly open notebook in one of the moving boxes. It had more drawings in it. “Can I look?” she asked, pointing.

Clarke gave her silent assent, sitting down on her unmade bed. Lexa pulled out the sketchbook and sat next to Clarke. Lexa flipped through the book while Clarke nibbled on a cookie. “These are so good,” she murmured. “You’re a really good drawer,” she told her new friend earnestly.

The penciled drawings were of similar scenes to the one Clarke had been working on earlier. Forests, mountains, small villages, even a hunk of twisted and burned metal that looked like some kind of crashed spaceship. “How did you make this up?” she wondered to herself, figuring Clarke probably wouldn’t answer.

She spent another minute looking at all the pictures, then, “My daddy and I made up the story,” Clarke whispered, barely audible. Lexa froze but didn’t say anything or look up, not wanting to spook Clarke. “He told me the words, and then I would draw the pictures.”

Now Lexa looked over, giving Clarke a small, encouraging smile. “Can you tell me the story?” she asked hopefully.

Clarke swallowed, gathering up her courage. “Daddy told me about how the Earth got sick, so all the people went up in space to live. And – and they lived up there for a hundred years,” she began, hesitant. “He said the people lived on a big space station, but they wanted to come back home, so they sent some of the people down on a smaller space ship to see if the world was better again. He called them the Sky People. And the Sky People thought everyone else was gone because the world was sick, but they weren’t. And Dad called the other people Grounders and that they sur-survived the whole time and they met the Sky People and didn’t like them so they were arguing. That’s as far as Dad told me before –” Clarke stopped abruptly, her eyes getting wide and her breathing quickening.

Lexa didn’t know what to do. Clarke looked scared, and tears were starting to come down her cheeks, so Lexa did the only thing she could think of and took Clarke’s hand and squeezed it. She pulled Clarke towards her and wrapped her in as tight a hug as she could manage. “It’s okay,” she murmured. “Don’t be scared. I’ll protect you.” Clarke shook and trembled for a little while, but eventually relaxed into Lexa’s hold, keeping a tight grip on the brunette’s shirt. When Clarke was calm and sitting up again, Lexa offered her another cookie.

“It sounds really cool,” Lexa said quietly, not wanting to scare Clarke again. Clarke nodded, having used up all her words for the moment. “Do you – do you think I can be part of it?”

Clarke took the notebook from Lexa and flipped to a page with a crowd of people carrying torches and with warpaint on their faces.

“The Grounders?”

The blonde girl nodded. She flipped to another page where there was a drawing of a throne made of what Lexa thought might be deer antlers.

“Is that for the Grounder leader?” she asked.

Clarke smiled at Lexa’s understanding and nodded.

“But there’s no one there,” Lexa pointed out. “Who is it?”

Clarke pointed at Lexa.

“Me?” Lexa asked, surprised. “You want me to be the leader?” When Clarke nodded, Lexa did as well. “Okay, but only if you’re in charge of the Sky People. That way, we can stop the fighting.”

Clarke grinned at Lexa’s addition to the story. She nodded eagerly, and turned to a blank page. She drew the Grounder throne inside of a tent. Lexa was added in next, war paint, weapons and all. Lexa couldn’t contain her smile when she saw how cool Clarke made her look. Clarke herself was drawn last, with tangled hair and a dirty face, looking like she’d been through a war.

“Okay, so what happened and why aren’t we getting along?” Lexa mused. “Whenever Dad lets me watch history documentaries, the kings always fight in wars because they want more land. They hide it with other reasons, like – religion and stuff, but they’re really just a bunch of greedy old guys. So us Grounders were here first, right?”

Clarke nodded.

Lexa thought some more. “But then you crashed in your spaceship thing.”

Clarke flicked back to the burnt out space ship.

“Right, that. So what if you crashed on my land, and we weren’t really happy about that. And we started fighting about it. But you and I don’t really want to fight, and we’re in charge, so we decide to make an – an – what’s it called? Alliance!” she remembered. “We make an alliance. If my people survived the sick Earth, maybe others did too and maybe they’re even meaner than the Sky People –”

Clarke glared at Lexa about that and shook her head.

“– meaner than we thought the Sky People were,” Lexa hastily corrected. “So we have an alliance and fight those other people instead,” she finished triumphantly, looking to Clarke for her approval.

The other girl sat quietly for a minute, looking at her mattress. “You make good stories like Dad,” she finally whispered, not looking at Lexa when she spoke.

Lexa took her hand and squeezed it gently. “We can finish it for him,” she replied. “Would he like that?”

Clarke gulped and nodded yes.

“Okay, well when people make alliances, I think they usually have to share something to show that they’re serious about being nice to each other. Like dinner, or something. We can split the cookies?” Lexa offered.

“Alright,” Clarke murmured. Lexa handed her half the remaining cookies, and they silently ate their snack.

Shortly after they finished, Gustus called up the stairs. “Lexa! It’s time to go!”

“I have to go now. But can I come back? I’d like to see more of your story drawings.”

Clarke nodded and followed her down the stairs. Lexa met her dad at the front door and was pulling her shoes on when Clarke tugged on Abby’s shirt. “Mom, can Lexa come over again tomorrow?” she whispered.

Abby stared down at her daughter in shock for an instant before she cleared her throat. “Of course, sweetheart,” she agreed quickly. “I think that’s a great idea.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Griffin,” Lexa said politely when her dad nudged her. Clarke ran over and gave her a quick hug and smile before going back to Abby and watching Gustus and Lexa leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be maintaining a weekly update, at least until I run out of pre-written chapters. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke have their first day of third grade together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remain overwhelmed by how well this story is being received. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this little thing so much. A lot of you were surprised by Clarke's portrayal, I think, and I would like to belatedly point out that she is most of the angst of my 'Minimal Angst' tag. But Lexa, as always, helps her heal, and kids that age recover quickly, so you can expect Clarke to be more the way you know her soon. But everything takes time, so those panic attacks aren't going away in one chapter. Thanks, guys!

“Lexa, don’t forget we have to pick Clarke up from her house before we go to school!” Gustus yelled up the stairs.

“Coming!” Lexa replied. It was the first day of third grade and for once, Lexa wasn’t entirely happy to be going back to school. Being in school meant that she wouldn’t get to play with Clarke all day. Sure, they would be in the same classroom, which was awesome, but it wouldn’t be the same. The blonde girl had quickly become the best friend Lexa had ever had, and she wasn’t looking forward to being separated even by a few desks. Lexa consoled herself with the fact that they could walk home together and play all afternoon and they had sleepovers at least four times a week so it would be alright.

Clarke was feeling a lot better now – Lexa could tell. She talked a lot more, didn’t get scared as often, or cry and start breathing too fast. Lexa had asked her dad what it meant after the second time it happened, worried about her friend. Gustus had explained that Clarke got scared because she got hurt in an accident, and her daddy got hurt a lot worse, so sometimes she remembered that and got so scared she couldn’t breathe right. He told her that if Clarke ever was scared around her, to tell her to try to breathe slow and even and tell her she was safe. And don’t touch unless she asked.

Lexa did her best to remember everything her dad said. Usually Clarke wanted hugs after getting scared – or having a panic attack, Lexa’s dad called it – which Lexa was more than willing to give. Clarke also didn’t really talk for the rest of the day after one, which was okay. Lexa was perfectly able to talk for both of them – she always knew what Clarke wanted, even if she didn’t say anything.

It was only a few weeks ago that Lexa had first heard Clarke laugh. Gustus had taken them school shopping – Abby was at the hospital working out when she was going to come in and begin her new job. The hospital told her the position was waiting for her and to take as long as she needed, but Abby wanted a set date. So Gustus had taken the girls shopping for school supplies.

After getting back to the Woods house, Gustus had given them a snack to hold them over until dinner. Clarke had finished hers quickly and eyed Lexa’s. Lexa held her plate closer to her and play-growled at Clarke. When Clarke was persistent in her reaching, Lexa leapt up and tried to tickle Clarke. Clarke ran off, with Lexa chasing her all around the house. Gustus came in when he heard yelling, just to find that his daughter had pinned Clarke to the floor and was scratching at her ribs, with Clarke shrieking with laughter and begging Lexa to stop.

Gustus had tugged Lexa off her friend and held her still while Clarke attacked, making Lexa squirm wildly and squeal with laughter. He’d let go of Lexa when Clarke had a good hold on her and taken a video. When Gustus showed it to Abby later, she cried while she watched her daughter laugh for the first time in months. After that, Abby started talking to the hospital about a start date, since Clarke seemed to be adjusting well and had a new friend to look out for her.

Lexa clattered down the stairs, backpack over one shoulder and one shoe on with the other in her hand. She sat down on the bottom step to tug on her second shoe and tie them both before running into the kitchen where Gustus was finishing packing her lunch. “I’m ready,” she announced.

“Okay, goufa, turn around.” Gustus slid Lexa’s lunch into her backpack, zipping it up and pulling her a little off her feet by the straps. Lexa giggled and tried to get to the door.

“Come on, Dad,” she pleaded. “Time to go!”

“Oh, _now_ you’re in a rush,” Gustus chuckled, allowing himself to be tugged toward the door.

Clarke was waiting for them on the porch of her house. When they reached the walkway, she gave Abby a hug and a “Bye, mom,” before running out to meet them. Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand as they followed Gustus.

The walk wasn’t too long, even for shorter legs. Ten minutes later, Gustus was saying goodbye at the school gate, making sure Lexa knew to take Clarke to the office first. After that, they were free to play the last few minutes before class started.

Lexa was delighted when she saw that she and Clarke had been assigned desks next to each other. That made the idea of the school year much more bearable. During breaks between subjects, they could talk about what they were going to do after school and the next part of the story of the Grounders and Sky People. They had expanded the world a lot during the summer. All of the Sky People had fallen to the Ground now, and that made not fighting harder but Lexa and Clarke had figured out how to do it.

The day actually passed quickly, and before long it was time for lunch. Clarke got called back to talk to the teacher about her past school. “I’ll catch up,” Clarke promised, shooing Lexa outside.

Lexa was waiting for Clarke by the fence that separated their classroom building from the picnic tables the students ate at when she saw a couple boys approaching her. She cringed when she saw who it was.

“Long time no see, Nerd,” Bellamy Blake sneered. “Summer is too long to not see my favorite little four-eyes.”

Bellamy was in fifth grade, and Lexa was his chosen bullying target. He’d started it last year and Lexa didn’t know why. Probably because she was small and didn’t have a lot of friends, making her an easy target. Lexa never told Gustus, not wanting him to worry about her. Bellamy hadn’t hurt her – so far it was just teasing and a little pushing around. She could take it.

“Please leave me alone,” she told him, looking him straight in the eyes. Lexa wasn’t scared of him, but knew that right now, she was too small to take him and his friends in a fight. Starting one made no logical sense. The most she could do was take what was shoved at her standing up proudly, which generally tended to anger him even more. “I’m waiting for my friend.”

“But I’m having so much fun. I missed this.” Bellamy pushed her into the fence, and Lexa grit her teeth and took it. She just had to wait for Clarke. Bellamy wasn’t brave enough to push her around when there was an audience, too scared that they would run to a teacher. “And what friend? I don’t see anyone here. Did you make them up?” The other boys around him snickered, and Lexa glared. “Face it, Nerd. You don’t have any friends.”

“Yes she does!” Bellamy whirled around to face the interruption. A fuming Clarke was staring at him, hands fisted at her sides. “Leave her alone!” she yelled.

Bellamy grinned. “Who’s this?” he mocked. “I haven’t seen you around before, pipsqueak.”

“My name’s Clarke and you leave Lexa alone!” Clarke demanded.

“Or what?”

The boy immediately regretted asking, as Clarke flew at him, her first punch landing solidly on Bellamy’s nose and knocking him to the ground. But Clarke wasn’t done. She jumped on his chest and laid into him, landing a second punch on his cheek and a few more after Bellamy covered his face.

Before she could do too much damage, Lexa grabbed her around the middle and dragged Clarke off of the boy. But it was too late. Bellamy’s friends had run for a teacher, who was now making her way over to the group. Bellamy was whimpering on the ground with a bloody nose and what would most likely end up being a splendid black eye.

“All of you, to the office now,” the teacher ordered. “Bellamy, you go to the nurse first. The principal is going to want to have a talk with you girls about this,” she warned.

Lexa gulped, but Clarke took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. They would be okay.

* * *

“Of all the irresponsible actions!” Abby fumed. She had been called by the principal after the fight, and when she came to pick the girls up after school, Abby had still been angry. “What were you thinking, Clarke? A fight. Really?”

“Please don’t be mad at her, Mrs. Griffin,” Lexa pleaded. “It wasn’t her fault. Clarke was protecting me.”

Abby softened a bit, but still looked very angry. “Be that as it may. No matter how good the intentions, neither of you should ever resort to violence. That won’t make anything better. Do you have something to say for yourself, Clarke?”

Clarke glared at the floor, not saying a word. She had reverted back to silence and hadn’t spoken since fighting with Bellamy. It was left to Lexa to try and explain to the principal what had happened. Luckily, the woman had believed her when she said Clarke was just guarding her from Bellamy, letting them off with a warning and a call to both Abby and Gustus. Abby was not letting it go so easily, and Clarke not speaking to her wasn’t helping.

“Fine,” Abby sighed. “Go to your room until I call you for dinner. Lexa you may stay for dinner, but unless Clarke can explain herself, she won’t be able to have friends overnight until she does.”

Lexa followed Clarke up the stairs, the latter merely giving Abby one more flat stare before they left. “Clarke, why did you do that?” Lexa asked, exasperated. “You shouldn’t get in trouble for me. It’s not worth it.”

“You’re worth it,” Clarke replying surprised Lexa. “You’re my best friend. I’d fight off an army for you.”

“But I don’t want you to get in trouble. Please don’t do it again. Bellamy won’t hurt me. He’s too scared,” Lexa promised. “Please, Clarke.”

“I can’t,” Clarke shook her head. “I’m not going to just stand there and watch him bully you. It’s not right.”

Lexa sighed. “We’re not going to agree. Bellamy’s probably going to be too scared of you to try anything for a while anyways. Thank you. For protecting me. No one’s ever done that before.”

“If I get Mom’s phone, will you – can you get your dad’s phone tonight?” Clarke asked hesitantly.

Lexa tilted her head, confused at the change of topic. “Probably. Why?”

“I’m scared.”

“Really scared, or kind of scared?”

“Just kind of scared right now,” Clarke elaborated. “Can you get it so I can talk to you if I get really scared?”

Lexa took Clarke’s hand. “Of course. I’ll find a way.”

* * *

Vibrations beside her head woke Lexa from a restless sleep. “Clarke?” she whispered when she fumblingly answered the ringing phone.

“Lexa.” Clarke sounded panicked. “Lexa, I’m really scared. I had a bad dream, and you – I can’t breathe.”

Lexa shoved the covers off of her legs and tugged on her closest shoes. “I’ll be there in a minute. Daddy said to tell you to breathe slow and even if you ever got scared.” She wrote a note for Gustus, telling him where she’d gone, and left it on the kitchen counter for him to find in the morning. “I’m coming, Clarke. Just hang on.”

When she reached the Griffin house, Lexa eyed their large oak tree with apprehension. She and Clarke had spent all summer climbing it, but never at night. “Clarke, I have to hang up the phone now.”

“What? Why?” Clarke asked desperately. During the walk over, Clarke’s breathing had slowed some and she’d been able to speak more clearly, but she was still on the verge of a second panic attack.

“Because I need both hands to get to your room. Do you think you can open your window?”

“Y-Yeah,” Clarke said. The sound of rustling came over the speaker, and then, “Okay.”

“I’ll be there in a minute Clarke. I’m going to hang up now,” Lexa told her. They said goodbye, and Lexa stuffed the phone in her pocket.

Climbing the tree wasn’t too bad. Muscle memory seemed to take over, and Lexa scaled the trunk fairly easily. It wasn’t until she got to the thick branch that led to Clarke’s window that Lexa started to get nervous. She hadn’t tried this before. “Clarke!” Lexa whisper-yelled.

Clarke appeared at the window. “Lexa!” she hissed. “What are you doing?”

“I’m coming in.” Lexa gathered her courage, and walked out on the branch. She had to sort of step-jump to get into Clarke’s room, but she managed to land it safely.

Once she was steady, Lexa was engulfed in Clarke’s arms. “You could have gotten hurt,” Clarke muttered into her neck.

Lexa hugged her back. “Well I had to get to you without waking your mom up, and the stairs are creaky,” she reasoned. “Are you okay?”

Clarke nodded slightly. “Better now. Thank you. For coming.”

“Of course,” Lexa said. Clarke’s breathing was better than it was on the phone, but she was still shaking and clingy like she got after having a panic attack. It upset Lexa to think that Clarke had waited to call her, trying to get through it on her own. “Let’s go to bed okay? What happened?” she asked as she led Clarke to sit on her mattress.

“I-I had a nightmare. The one I always have – about Dad – but this time, you were there too. And – And –” Clarke couldn’t continue.

“Shh, it’s okay. Nothing happened to me, I’m fine,” Lexa reassured her, holding Clarke close.

Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s shoulder again. “But something could,” she cried. “Bad things happen. People go away and don’t come back.”

“I’m never going to leave you, Clarke,” Lexa promised. She made the blonde lay down and let her snuggle into her side. “Go back to sleep. I’ll protect you this time.” Eventually, the tears dried on Clarke’s cheeks and she fell back asleep. Lexa stayed awake for a while, wanting to make sure Clarke didn’t get any more nightmares.

But after a little over an hour, she too fell asleep, and they stayed curled up together until a worried Gustus came over just a few hours later to ask Abby if she’d seen his daughter last night. They both rushed up the stairs to Clarke’s room only to find the two girls cuddled close together on top of the comforter, the window still open. They could see the tear stains on Clarke’s cheeks, and easily guessed what had happened.

“I’ll make them a quick breakfast and you wake them up and get them ready for school?” Abby suggested. “I have to get to the hospital in an hour.”

“Not a problem. I’ll take care of them.”

Gustus expected Abby to go straight downstairs, but she didn’t move. “She wouldn’t speak to me, Gustus,” Abby murmured. “I yelled at her, and she didn’t say anything back. I shouldn’t have gotten after her like that. After everything…of course she would protect Lexa the way she did. Clarke spoke to Lexa. I listened to them in her room. She spoke to Lexa but not me. Your daughter’s the best thing that ever happened to Clarke. She’s getting better, and now I’m the one that’s making her dam herself up again.” Abby shook her head. “I’ll go make them some food. When Clarke wakes up, tell her I had to go to work.”

“Abby, you need to talk to Clarke,” Gustus said.

“Right now, I’ll just make things worse. Tell her I said I was sorry about yesterday.” She disappeared down the stairs, leaving Gustus to wake up their daughters.

* * *

The kids steered clear of Clarke and Lexa that day at school. Everybody had heard about what happened when Bellamy tried to pick on quiet Lexa and got pounded by the new girl for it. Clarke and Lexa were perfectly happy to be left to their own devices. At lunch, they were coming up with new ideas for their Grounders story when a girl they didn’t know approached.

“Hey,” the smaller girl said.

Lexa and Clarke looked up, surprised. Lexa didn’t know the girl, and Clarke definitely didn’t. “Hi?” they said together.

The girl fidgeted for a minute before lifting her chin stoically. “My name’s Octavia Blake. Bellamy’s my stupid older brother. I’m sorry he was mean to you, Lexa. I tell him to be nice, because he doesn’t like it when people are mean to _me_ , but he doesn’t listen. So I’m sorry.” The apology was made as if Octavia rehearsed it.

“What grade are you in, Octavia?” Lexa asked curiously. “I haven’t seen you before.”

“Second.”

Clarke nudged Lexa, giving her a meaningful look. She still wasn’t talking much after yesterday, but she could get her point across. “Do you want to sit with us?” Lexa offered, taking the hint.

“Really?” Octavia asked, wide-eyed at being allowed to sit with older kids.

“Just because your brother’s a jerk, doesn’t mean you’re not nice,” Lexa reasoned, pushing her backpack to the ground to make room for Octavia.

Octavia grinned. “Cool!”

After that, Octavia became a regular sight at Lexa’s and the new girl’s sides. The three of them often went over to either the Woods or Griffin house for a little bit after school, where the two older girls helped Octavia with the work they’d learned the year before. Octavia was even eventually included into the Grounders and Sky People story. She was intrigued by both sides, and so Clarke decided that she could have been born a Sky person, but got adopted by a Grounder when they came to Earth.

With Octavia as their friend, Bellamy left Lexa and Clarke alone, fearing the wrath of his little sister if he ever hurt one of her first friends.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby is becoming more and more obsessed with her work, and Clarke is caught in the crossfire. Lexa just wants to make things better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little shorter one today but hopefully you guys like it just the same!

Gustus heard Lexa sigh from where she was doing her homework at the kitchen table while he made dinner. She and Clarke were ten now and in the middle of fifth grade. Lexa was still inseparable from her best friend, and tonight was one of the very rare times where Clarke wasn’t over for dinner and spending the night. Abby had taken the day off for the first time in longer than Gustus could remember, and had picked up Clarke from school for some mother-daughter time.

Clarke hadn’t seemed thrilled with the development, but went along with her mom and Lexa had walked home alone. Abby had been working more and more over the past year ever since Clarke had bonded with Lexa and Gustus, seeing it as a way of Clarke moving on from her father’s death. She often worked a lot more than forty hours a week, usually coming home late at night and leaving again right after the girls went to school. When she wasn’t at the hospital, she was in her office, going over results of a research project she was joint heading with the chief of the neurosurgery department. All the extra work left little time for Clarke, a fact that had become more and more noticeable to her daughter and had driven a wedge between them. Gustus had tried to get her to spend some time with Clarke, but Abby continued to work days, nights, weekends, and holidays. So Gustus and Lexa had picked up the slack, until Clarke practically lived at their house most of the week.

Lexa sighed again, and Gustus smiled ruefully. His daughter was a mess without Clarke – she wasn’t concentrated on her homework, didn’t feel like reading. Even Octavia being over for a couple hours after school didn’t help pull Lexa from her sour mood for long. “What’s the matter, Little Lex?” Gustus asked, knowing well what the problem was.

“I miss Clarke,” the girl whined, dropping her head to the table.

“You know, this isn’t the first time the two of have spent the night apart, and it most certainly won’t be the last,” Gustus told her.

Lexa looked up at him, a serious air to her gaze. “I’m going to marry her, Dad,” she said firmly.

“Not until you’re at least eighteen you won’t, Heda.”

“I love her more than everyone. Except you. I’m going to marry her, and that way we won’t ever have to be apart,” Lexa mused on her realization. This was the solution to all her current problems. If only they were older, then Lexa could make it so Clarke didn’t have to go away.

Gustus chuckled. “Well, I’m glad I’m still number one in your heart Lexa.” He gave her a one armed hug, a spoon holding some of his homemade spaghetti sauce in the other hand. “Taste this. Blow on it first.”

Lexa obeyed, blowing and then sipping. “It’s good. I really miss Clarke, Dad. She was supposed to learn how to make spaghetti with me today.”

“I know, Lexa. But there will be other days. Clarke needs to spend time with Abby too, though. She is Clarke’s mother,” Gustus reminded her.

“She hasn’t been a good one,” Lexa growled. “She makes Clarke cry because she’s not here.”

“Now, you listen to me Alexandria.” Lexa shrunk in her chair at the use of her full name as Gustus sat in the seat next to hers. “Do I agree with Abby’s choices? No, I don’t. They’re not always good ones, particularly when they’re about Clarke. But you need to show some respect for her, _especially_ around Clarke. No matter how hurt Clarke is, Abby is still her mother and Clarke loves her. You let Clarke worry about being angry with Abby and you take care of your friend.”

“But Dad –” Lexa tried to protest, but Gustus wasn’t done.

“No, Lexa. Abby lost her husband. She nearly lost Clarke. Now, no matter who you marry, whether it’s Clarke or some other lucky person, I hope you never have to understand that kind of pain. It’s not one that ever stops hurting and you never stop grieving. Abby’s way of coping is by throwing herself into her job, and unfortunately, that doesn’t leave a lot of time left for Clarke. We can’t fix that. All we can do is love Clarke the best way we can, and hope that Abby mends this herself. Do you understand?” Gustus asked.

Lexa nodded, cowed. Gustus turned his attention back to the stove. It was silent in the kitchen for a few minutes except for the sounds of stirring and whisking, until Gustus felt skinny arms wrap around his waist and tears soak into his shirt. Gustus brought a hand down to cradle the head of his crying daughter. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” she hiccupped.

Gustus quickly turned the stove down to simmer and knelt in front of Lexa. “Oh, Heda. It’s not your fault. You can’t fix everything, little one.”

“But-But, I love Clarke.”

“I know you do, sweetheart. And you love her so well. Clarke is _so_ happy when she’s with you,” Gustus reassured his daughter. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Lexa. It’s not your responsibility.”

Lexa buried her face in Gustus’ shoulder, crying for several long minutes before she wiped her eyes with her fists and looked at him, trying to be strong. She sniffed, ruining the image. Gustus couldn’t help smiling at his ‘too big a heart’ kid, who cared way too much about those she loved. It might get her hurt someday, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him from encouraging her to love those around her anyway. She had too much of it to bottle up.

Dinner that night was quiet, Gustus letting Lexa process her emotions. It wasn’t until after she’d helped her dad clean up dinner and was getting ready to read in bed that the doorbell rang. Gustus opened it, only to be greeted with the sight of Abby looking exasperated and a little sad, and Clarke with a face full of stubborn. “She wanted Lexa.” No other explanation from Abby was necessary.

Gustus shook his head, feeling like he should have known this would probably happen. “Lexa’s been moping all night.”

“Dad, who was – Clarke!” Lexa yelled from the top of the stairs.

Clarke dashed around Gustus with a quick, “Hi, Uncle Gus,” and was up the stairs and in Lexa’s arms in seconds. The two of them disappeared into Lexa’s room, neither letting go of the other.

“I’m sorry, Abby,” Gustus sighed.

Abby shook her head. “No. It’s not your fault. Tell Clarke I’ll see her tomorrow after work.”

“Abby,” Gustus tried, but she was already walking down the path back to her house.

* * *

“Are you okay, Clarke?” Lexa asked her best friend when they were cuddled up together in bed. The blonde was shaking a bit, and Lexa could tell that she’d cried at some point during the evening.

Clarke just nodded, burrowing deeper into Lexa’s hold and burying her face in her shirt. “We had a fight,” she said eventually, when the shivering had stopped. “She was complaining about me not sleeping at home more often, and I told her that unless she wanted me alone in that house every day, then she would just have to deal with it. You know, since she’s never around, so who would make sure that I had dinner and got my homework done and that I didn’t go to bed at midnight every night? Mom got all defensive – said the hospital needs her and crap like that.” Clarke scoffed. “As if her daughter is less important. Apparently, pointing out that the hospital definitely has more than one surgeon wasn’t a good idea. Mom threatened to ground me, and when I said she wasn’t around enough to enforce it, she lost it. That’s when I made her bring me here. I’m sure she’s happy with the excuse to go back to the hospital tonight.”

“I’m sorry,” Lexa whispered, holding Clarke tightly. “Dad got angry with me today too.”

“Uncle Gus?” Clarke asked, baffled. Gustus never got mad about anything. “What about?”

Lexa sighed. “I said Abby wasn’t a very good mom because she makes you cry. He said it wasn’t my place to judge her. And I know she’s still your mom but she _does_ make you sad. And I don’t like it when you’re sad, but I can’t make it better because I can’t make her _stay_.” All of Lexa’s frustration that she’d kept bottled up for nearly a year came pouring out all at once, stunning Clarke.

“Lexa…”

“No,” the brunette shook her head. “I’m sorry. Dad’s right – it’s not my place. But – I just wish I could make it better. You deserve better.”

“Lexa, please look at me.” Lexa slowly tilted her head up to meet Clarke’s eyes again. “You _do_ make it better, Lex. Even if Mom was home every night and weekend, I’d still want to be wherever you were. I don’t have nightmares anymore because of you, and I haven’t had a panic attack in almost six months. If anything, I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. You know Mom took me to a therapist once after the accident?” Lexa shook her head. “He called me ‘damaged’ – because of what happened to my dad and me. That I might never talk again because of my ‘trauma’. It made me so mad, so I screamed and yelled and threw things at him, and I think that just proved him right.” Clarke sniffed, freeing a hand to wipe her eyes, but more just spilled down.

“Hey,” Lexa coaxed, kissing Clarke’s forehead. “It’s okay. You’re safe with me. You’re okay.” She murmured more comforting words until Clarke had calmed somewhat. “You aren’t damaged, Clarke. That guy is a jerk. Your dad died, and that hurt your heart. Like Gus. His wife died, and his heart still hurts sometimes. But he says I help him, and I can help you too.”

Clarke gave her a watery smile. “You already do.”

The two cuddled some more until Gustus came in to say good night. “You okay, little bit?” he asked kindly, resting a hand on Clarke’s hair.

Clarke nodded. “Lexa made it better.”

Gustus chuckled. “Yeah. She’s good at that. I’ll see you in the morning. I love you both.”

“Love you too,” both girls chorused. Gustus gave them each a kiss on the crown of their heads before he left the room, leaving the door open a crack since Clarke was still uncomfortable with pitch dark.

“Do you need anything?” Lexa asked.

“Maybe Meeko?” Clarke requested timidly, feeling slightly ashamed that she still needed the stuffed dog that Lexa used to give her when she had panic attacks. She was a big kid now – almost eleven. She shouldn’t need stuffed animals or a cracked open door to make her feel safe.

Lexa immediately slipped out of bed. “I’ll be right back. He’s just on my desk.” She was gone for only a few seconds before she was climbing under the covers once more and handing Clarke the dog to squeeze. “Are you scared?” Lexa asked, wrapping her arms around Clarke to offer extra security.

“Only a little. It’s not that bad,” Clarke replied. “I just miss my dad. He was the only one who could keep Mom from working so much. He made her take days off for us to spend together and go on adventures. And now it’s just me, and I can’t do anything.” Tears leaked out of the corners of Clarke’s eyes, and Lexa freed an arm to wipe them away gently.

“Hey, shh,” Lexa murmured. “I promise everything will be alright. Your mom will figure it out, and if she doesn’t, you always have me and Dad.”

“You’re not going to leave me?” Clarke’s voice trembled.

“Never,” Lexa swore. “I promised, didn’t I? I’ll always be with you.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gustus takes Lexa and Clarke camping to celebrate the end of elementary school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another week down, another chapter up! Also a heads up, I will be traveling next week to see my parents (Hooray), so there probably won't be a chapter posted next Friday simply because I'll be busy catching up on the last six months with everyone. But I'll be back the week after with a chapter just in time for the holidays! Thank you all for reading and all your wonderful comments!

“Are you excited, girls?” Gustus asked as he pulled into the campground.

“Yeah!” Lexa replied enthusiastically.

Clarke was a little less sure. “Yes, Uncle Gus.” She’d never been camping before, and she was nervous. Gustus was taking them for a week to celebrate them graduating sixth grade. Lexa had been thrilled when she heard – Clarke, less so. But she agreed and showed as much excitement as she could, because she knew Lexa was really happy to be going back. Abby wasn’t with them. Clarke figured she’d be glad of the chance to disappear to the hospital for a week straight without having to feel guilty for leaving her daughter alone. Clarke rolled her eyes. Abby had been doing that more and more recently – came home around midnight, gone again by six. Now that Clarke was in middle school and could be trusted alone in the afternoons, she rarely saw Abby.

Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand and squeezed it reassuringly. She knew her friend was nervous about sleeping in a tent for a week and having to use a public restroom and the thought of all the possible bugs kind of freaked Clarke out, but Lexa would try to ensure Clarke had as much fun as possible. She’d made sure Clarke remembered to pack the new sketchbook and pens she and her dad had bought her for her birthday. The lake and forest would be good inspiration for their Grounders story.

“Okay, Lexa. You know the drill. You and Clarke get some wood for the fire and I’ll set up the tents,” Gustus instructed.

Clarke followed Lexa a little ways into the trees. “Are you sure you’re allowed to just pick up wood off the ground?” she asked uncertainly. “That seems like something that would be against the rules.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” Lexa dismissed. “They just don’t like it when you break stuff off trees. Which is stupid anyway, because then it doesn’t burn. It just smokes a lot.”

“Oh.” Clarke shrugged and helped Lexa pick up enough pieces of dead wood to last a couple nights, with no large spiders to be found, luckily.

After camp was all set up and Gustus was reheating some food he’d premade over the fire, Lexa took Clarke down to the lake. “Look, look!” Lexa said, excited to show her best friend one of her favorite places in the world. “That’s where Dad taught me how to swim, and over there is the dock where I caught my first fish! It was huge – like, as big as I was.” She held out her hands a good twenty inches apart as proof. “Do you want to go swimming after dinner? I’m sure Dad will be fine with it.”

Clarke hesitated. “You can. I think I’ll just watch,” she decided.

“How come?” Lexa asked, confused. “The water isn’t really that cold, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“No, it isn’t that. Can we not talk about it? I don’t want to go swimming,” Clarke said defensively. She crossed her arms and bounced on her toes, nervously glancing at the water every now and then.

Lexa narrowed her eyes in thought, trying to figure out what was wrong. Then it dawned on her. “You can’t swim.” It wasn’t a question.

Clarke’s eyes widened. “What? No, that’s not it. I can swim, I just –” She sighed, looking ashamed. “No, I can’t swim,” she muttered. “My parents never had the time to teach me.”

“That’s okay.” Lexa took Clarke’s hand. “Dad can teach you, just like he taught me. It’ll be easy, you’ll see,” she reassured her friend.

“Yeah?” Clarke asked hopefully.

“Sure. We can just go sit on the dock for now, if you want,” Lexa suggested, bumping her shoulder against Clarke’s. “Promise I won’t let you fall in.”

Clarke giggled and nodded, following Lexa to go sit on the old wood planks. They talked about how glad they were to be leaving the elementary school, although they were sorry that Octavia would have to wait another year before she could join them. Octavia was supposed to come with them on their trip, but her mom got sick and she stayed home to take care of her since Bellamy’s junior high class didn’t get out for another week.

“Dad said I can take some kind of martial arts class this year,” Lexa said. “There’s only a couple of places, but I think I want to do tae kwon do. Or kickboxing. They sound the most fun.”

Clarke wrinkled her nose. “No, thank you.” Hitting people didn’t sound like fun at all.

“Girls!” Gustus called. “Dinner’s ready, come wash up!”

“Coming, Dad!” Lexa and Clarke ran to the table and scarfed down their food. “Hey, Dad?” When Gustus gave a hum in response, Lexa continued, “Clarke’s never learned how to swim. Can we teach her to tomorrow?”

Gustus glanced up from his plate. “Sure thing, kid. Don’t worry about it, Clarke. If Lexa can pick it up in one afternoon, I’m sure you can learn how in an hour.”

“Hey!” Lexa’s cry of outrage was drowned out by Clarke’s giggles. Lexa shot a glare at her friend, but it quickly morphed into a smile when it only made Clarke laugh harder. “I was four,” she protested quietly.

“And a tiny goufa you were, goufa,” Gustus agreed.

Lexa bristled. “I’m not a goufa! I am Heda, Commander of the Grounders,” she said, standing on the bench and puffing out her chest imperiously. Clarke’s peals of laughter encouraged her to continue on with her dramatics.

“Whatever you say, Heda. Now get down from there before you fall on your head or there won’t be any s’mores for you tonight,” Gustus said mildly.

Her dad’s non-reaction was annoying. Lexa huffed and dropped back down into her seat. Clarke had never had s’mores before, and Lexa couldn’t risk getting them taken away. “Can we have them now, Dad?” she asked, forgetting her indignation.

“You and Clarke go get what you need. Don’t forget to stick the pokers in the coals first!” he called after them as they ran for the truck.

Once they had everything set up on the table, Lexa explained the mysteries of s’more making to Clarke while Gustus cleaned up the dinner mess. “Why do you put them in the fire first?” Clarke asked, looking at her metal stick uncertainly.

“Because that way you st- Dad what’s the word?” Lexa asked.

“Sterilize, Lex.”

“Yeah, sterilize,” Lexa nodded. “So the marshmallows don’t get all dirty and stuff.” When Lexa deemed the pokers clean enough, she let them cool for a moment and then stuck a marshmallow on Clarke’s. “Okay, now stick it by the coals. You only want it to get all brown, so don’t get it too near or else –” It’s too late. Clarke’s poker had wavered a little too close to the flames, and now was on fire.

“What do I do, what do I do?” Clarke asked frantically.

Lexa grabbed Clarke’s wrist to keep her from waving the burning sweet around. “It’s okay, don’t panic,” she said calmly. “I always end up burning at least one. Just keep it in the fire pit and it’ll all burn away. Dad says it’s because it’s made of pure sugar. Which I guess makes it super bad for you. But it tastes good. Here. I’ll hold this one, and you take mine,” she offered, handing over her stick. “Just hold it a little bit further away this time. And turn it every once in a while so it cooks all over.”

Clarke’s second try was more successful – some sides were browner than others, but none of it was burnt and Clarke looked proud of herself.

“Good job, Clarke. Now you just stick it on the chocolate, smash it between two graham crackers, and that’s it! Go ahead and try it,” Lexa urged. While Clarke was occupied with trying not to make a mess of her dessert, Lexa made her own s’more. After they’d each had two, the sun had long since set and stars were beginning to make an appearance.

“Hey, Dad? Can Clarke and I go down to the dock for a while?” Lexa asked. “We wanted to look at the stars, because you can’t really see a lot at home, and Clarke said that they couldn’t see _any_ at their old home.”

“That’s fine. But please be careful. No messing around and falling in, _especially_ since Clarke can’t swim,” Gustus allowed. The friends took off with assurances that they would be careful. “And girls, bedtime is in an hour,” Gustus called after them.

Clarke waved over her shoulder. “Okay, Uncle Gus,” she said as Lexa pulled her down to the water.

The two girls lay on the old wooden planks, staring up at the night sky. “You see that one?” Lexa pointed. “That’s the dog constellation.”

“Really?” Clarke asked.

“No. I have no idea,” Lexa admitted. “I don’t know any constellations besides the Big Dipper, which is over there.” She pointed it out, and Clarke nodded.

“I don’t know any either. I’ve never seen so many before.” They looked on in silence for a while. “Oh look, Lexa! A shooting star!” Clarke said excitedly, pointing it out.

Lexa nudged her playfully. “You have to make a wish.” Clarke shut her eyes tight, opening them a moment later. “What’d you wish for?” Lexa whispered.

Clarke looked over at her. “For you to stay with me forever,” she admitted.

The brunette rolled over so she could hug her friend tight. “Already done,” she murmured, cradling Clarke’s head to her shoulder. The two girls stayed like that for a bit longer, until Lexa could feel Clarke nodding off against her. “Come on, Clarke. Bed time.” Clarke grumbled, but Lexa managed to get her back to their tent without too much fuss.

“Good night, girls,” Gustus said from the table.

“Night, Dad.”

“Night, Uncle Gus,” Clarke fought through a yawn to say.

Lexa ushered the blonde into their tent. It was bigger than the one Lexa had used years ago, but still quite a bit smaller than Gustus’. Their sleeping bags were rolled out right next to each other, without much room on either side. Not that they needed much room. Or any, if Clarke had her way.

“Lex, I’m cold,” Clarke whined tiredly from her bag.

Lexa sighed, but got out of her warm bag and got into Clarke’s, unzipping and spreading her own sleeping bag as an extra blanket over them. Clarke immediately snuggled into Lexa’s side, laying her head on Lexa’s shoulder as she’d done on the dock.

“Sleep well, Clarke.”

“You too, Lex,” Clarke barely got out. “Love you.”

Lexa held her friend closer and started to drift off. She was pretty sure Clarke was already asleep. “I love you too.”

* * *

“Are you _sure_ you have to do that?” Clarke asked, cringing as she watched Lexa put a squirming worm on a hook. “I thought they had fake bait you could buy.”

Lexa shrugged. “Worms work best.” Clarke wasn’t altogether too thrilled at the morning’s chosen activity. “Do you want to try?”

“Not a chance.” Clarke made a disgusted face. “You go ahead. I’ll just watch and draw, thank you.”

“Suit yourself.” Lexa settled in with her pole.

Clarke watched for a while, but she quickly grew bored and wandered off to find Gustus. He was sitting at a nearby table, sketching something out. Clarke grabbed her own notepad and pencils and sat down next to him. She traced the figure of Lexa sitting on the dock, legs midswing and fishing pole in hand, but her interest was captured by what Gustus was putting on his page. She could always shade in her drawing later.

Gustus was drawing out the designs for a new structure he’d been hired to build. He had told Clarke and Lexa during the drive to the campground that it would be the largest construction he’d ever headed and that the owners – based on his previous work – had given Gustus free rein on the design. He was currently sketching a few different ones to show his new employers to see which they liked best.

Clarke was fascinated. “How do you draw buildings so good, Uncle Gus?” she asked.

“It’s ‘well’,” Gustus corrected with a chuckle. “And it’s my job. I learned how in school and practice always helps.”

The girl frowned. “But it looks all – alive, and stuff. How do you do that?” she wondered. “Because when I try, they just look like gray boxes. I can do outside stuff and people fine, but I can’t make buildings look alive like you.”

“It _is_ more difficult than you would think,” Gustus agreed. “But you have to look at it from another angle. Nature and people are alive and every living thing is slightly different. Structures are all about symmetry. Draw it wrong, and I’ll build it wrong. If I build it wrong, people might get hurt. But symmetry doesn’t have to mean dead or boring. And not all buildings are concrete and straight lines. Here, watch.”

Clarke looked on in awe as Gustus took a new sheet of paper and began drawing another building. But this one was different. A beautiful design appeared, with arches and differently colored and textured materials and it wasn’t shaped like a _square_. Clarke didn’t know a building could look so _pretty_. “I don’t think I could ever do that.”

“You’re an amazing artist, Clarke. I have no doubt you could learn,” Gustus encouraged her. “But nobody can be good at everything. You are a prodigy already – I’ve seen yours and Lexa’s Ground and Sky story and illustrations. What the two of you have created is truly incredible, and not something most kids your age could pull off. If all you’re ever able to draw are things of that nature, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It is full of imagination and detail. You should be proud of what you can already do.”

“Hey guys,” Lexa interrupted their moment. “What you up to?”

Clarke smiled up at her friend. “Uncle Gus was just showing me how to draw buildings good – well.” Gustus grinned at her self-correction. “Catch anything?”

Lexa shrugged. “A couple. Let them go. Biggest one was about eight inches. You want to learn how to swim now, Clarke?”

“Oh.” Clarke looked down, nervous. “I don’t know. Uncle Gus is busy.”

“I’m getting hot and I could use a break,” Gustus denied. “I’m sure we could all do with a cooldown.”

Clarke gulped. She was scared of going in the water, but she didn’t want to disappoint Lexa by refusing to take part in a second of her favorite activities after not going fishing. “Okay,” she agreed in a small voice.

Gustus noticed, of course. “Heda, why don’t you go change and find Clarke’s suit while I go over some swimming rules with her,” he suggested.

Lexa nodded easily. “Sure. Be right back.” She took off for their tent excitedly.

“You’re scared.” Gustus didn’t beat around the bush.

Clarke flushed deep red, embarrassed at being found out. “I fell in a pool once when I was really little. Like, four, I think. Daddy saved me. I’ve been too scared to even go in a bathtub since. I lied to Lexa. I told her my parents never had time to teach me to swim. They took me to lessons after, but I couldn’t get in the water and cried until they took me home.” The confession was so quiet Gustus had to strain to hear it.

“It was lucky your dad was there. And I’ll be there with you this time as well as Lexa. But Clarke – you don’t have to go in the water if you’re not ready yet. Just know that Lexa will never let anything happen to you. Nor will I,” Gustus promised, putting his arm around the girl who was like a second daughter to him. “But Lexa won’t think any less of you if you can’t do it.”

Clarke clutched at him tightly as he pulled her into a comforting hug. “I want to try,” she mumbled into his shirt.

Gustus smiled. “Then we’ll try. And I have no doubt you’ll be great at it. Now go change. I’m sure Lexa is anxious to get in the water. She’s like a fish, that one.”

“I know,” Clarke rolled her eyes. “It’s all she’s talked about for weeks.” She trotted off to the tent, and soon her and Lexa’s playful bickering could be heard as they decided which swim top was supposed to go on which girl. Gustus grinned fondly as he listened.

* * *

“Okay, Clarke. Now let go of me, and paddle over to Lexa,” Gustus instructed an hour later. It had taken some encouragement from Lexa – who had sensed Clarke’s fear – to get Clarke into the water after she’d frozen at the edge.

Clarke clung to his hand as she kicked. “I don’t want to,” she refused, screwing up her face. Gustus had been right next to her all afternoon, steady hand under her stomach as she kicked and paddled around the shallow water, Lexa swimming happily a little further in with frequent checks to see how Clarke was doing. Clarke didn’t want to go too far from Gustus, afraid she’d slip under.

“I’m right here, Clarke,” Lexa encouraged her. “I won’t let anything happen.”

“We’ll both be watching, kiddo,” Gustus soothed. “Trust us.”

Clarke bit her lip, looking over at Lexa anxiously. She wanted to prove to Lexa that she could do it – that she could learn how to do one of Lexa’s favorite activities. Lexa was always so in tune with her, always putting Clarke’s needs above her own. She comforted Clarke whenever she got sad or angry about her mom never being around anymore or barely giving Clarke a second glance when she was. Lexa had learned as much about the artists Clarke liked most as she could so when Clarke inevitably started gushing about one, Lexa could follow along with the conversation. Lexa was really the reason Clarke didn’t cry anymore when she thought about her dad, and she knew Jake would have loved her best friend almost as much as Clarke did. So she could do this one simple thing to make Lexa happy. The blonde determinedly let go of Gustus and paddled and kicked with all her might, cutting through the water so quickly that she ran into Lexa’s stomach headfirst.

“Oof!” Lexa grunted, but slipped her hands under Clarke’s arms to hold her steady. “You did it!” she proclaimed excitedly once she caught her breath, hauling Clarke into a hug.

Clarke giggled, throwing her arms around Lexa’s neck. “Thank you,” she murmured, pressing a quick kiss to Lexa’s cheek. Her friend blushed, but hugged Clarke tighter.

“Good job, Clarke,” Gustus praised, grinning at the moment of affection between the two girls. His daughter caught the smile and flushed even deeper red, hiding her face behind Clarke.

“Okay, swim back to Dad, Clarke,” Lexa mumbled, trying to get her dad’s attention off of herself.

“But I like it here,” Clarke pouted, throwing her legs around Lexa’s waist and forcing Lexa to paddle harder to keep them both afloat.

Gustus’ guffaw of laughter had Lexa squirming out of Clarke’s grip and giving her a playful shove back towards her father. “Go on,” she muttered, still embarrassed. Clarke dutifully paddled back to Gustus, a little more calmly and confidently this time. Gustus scooped her out of the water, setting her on his hip.

“Uncle Gus, I’m too big,” Clarke protested.

“I’m proud of you, little bit,” Gustus murmured in her ear. “Your dad would be too.”

Clarke snuggled into his shoulder, hiding her face. Gustus thought he could feel a tear his skin, but with all the water around, it was hard to tell. “Thank you.” Her voice was small and a bit shaky, but when she was able to look up, Clarke’s grin was blinding.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa makes a new friend, and Clarke can't help but feel insecure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, these guys are into their teens now, and with that comes hormones and some good old teen angst. These kiddos are not immune to that, no matter how much they love each other. So a forewarning to you all, I believe this is the angstiest time for them. It is resolved by the end of the chapter, as this isn't a cliff hanger type of story.

“Clarke! I met the coolest person at class today!” Lexa exclaimed as she walked through the door after her third tae kwon do class. “Her name’s Anya and she’s like, two years older than us so she’s in a more advanced class. I guess she thought I have – potential, or something – because she showed me some super cool moves that our class doesn’t get to learn yet. I threw her to the floor!”

The blonde had a hard time being as excited as Lexa was, and instead concentrated on her school work at the Woods’ kitchen table. “Sounds awesome.” Her voice was less than enthused. Lexa had been talking nonstop about her new class for a few weeks now. Clarke mostly tried to be supportive and happy, even though she didn’t really understand what Lexa was talking about most of the time. But Lexa always tried so hard to be into Clarke’s art and ask her questions, so Clarke had been doing her best to do the same. But the addition of this new girl to Lexa’s excitement was already leaving a sour taste in Clarke’s mouth.

But Lexa didn’t notice. “It was totally awesome. Anya said I’m the best in my class.”

Clarke scowled at her homework. “I’ll bet she did.” Lexa kept chattering excitedly about everything she was learning in class, both from her teacher and her new best friend Anya, and Clarke felt the first pangs of jealousy coursing through her.

Lexa was _her_ best friend. Not some older girl Lexa had only met for twenty minutes. They’d been best friends for almost five years and this Anya person wasn’t supposed to be able to all of a sudden pull Lexa away from her. When Lexa began to excitedly repeat everything she’d just told Clarke to Gustus, the other girl had had enough. “I have to go,” she said abruptly.

“-and that’s how – wait, what? Why?” Lexa broke off from whatever she’d been saying.

“My mom’s home for the night,” Clarke lied, trying to sound normal. “She wants me to have dinner with her.” Her mom wanted no such thing. Clarke wasn’t even sure she’d _seen_ her mom this week. Maybe one night a few days ago, but she’d been almost asleep so it didn’t really count. Abby was gone again the next morning anyways, but it didn’t matter. Clarke was used to it.

Lexa looked disappointed. “Oh. You didn’t tell me. I would have come home faster.”

“Kind of a last minute thing. You know how she is.”

“Yeah.” Lexa nodded, giving her friend a sympathetic look. “I’ll see you tomorrow, though?”

Clarke managed a smile. “Where else would I be?” She gave Lexa a quick hug goodbye and went home to an empty house.

* * *

That afternoon was not the last time Clarke heard about Anya. Not by a long shot. Lexa appeared to have a bad case of hero worship, and had even brought Anya home after a lesson one day. Clarke vaguely recognized her from a few years ago when they were all still in elementary school, but they’d never actually met. Even though she already disliked the older girl, Clarke dutifully held out her hand for Anya to shake. All she got was a smirk, as smug as can be.

Clarke hated her on principle.

The situation and Clarke’s jealousy only got worse as time went on. Lexa had started inviting Anya to sit with them at lunch sometimes if the older girl wasn’t eating with her classmates, Anya walked partway home with them after school, and they of course had martial arts together. Anya was everywhere. And Clarke was starting to feel more and more left out as it became clear that Lexa wasn’t going to be giving up her friendship with Anya any time soon.

She started making up excuses for why she couldn’t spend the night at the Woods’ as much – her mom was home, or she’d forgotten her homework there – any way to get out of the house. Sometimes Lexa noticed, but she never seemed too bothered about Clarke not being there, which made Clarke feel a hundred times worse.

“I don’t understand, Uncle Gus,” Clarke brought up her problem a month after Lexa started bringing Anya around. “Did I do something to make Lexa not want to be my best friend anymore?” Sure Gustus was Lexa’s dad, but Clarke knew he would keep what she said secret. He was more her parent than anyone else, including Abby, and she felt safe talking to him. And Lexa wouldn’t be home from her martial arts class for at least another hour, probably more, since _Anya_ was there.

Gustus was confused though. “What are you talking about, Clarke? Of course Lexa wants to be your best friend still. Why would you think otherwise?”

“All she talks about is Anya, Anya, Anya. Anya did this, and Anya showed me that, and Clarke don’t you think it’s neat that Anya can do that?” Clarke’s frustration boiled over. “We don’t talk about our story anymore, or anything about my art. When Octavia became our friend, Lexa didn’t act like this. Why does she love Anya more than me?” Tears were starting to sting the corners of her eyes, but Clarke tried to hold them back.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Gustus put a hand on Clarke’s shoulder and brought her in close. Clarke wrapped her arms around his waist, hands still not quite able to touch, and buried her face in his chest. Gustus could feel tears start to soak into the cloth of his shirt, and he held the girl tighter. “Lexa doesn’t love you any less, I swear it. She just has so much room in her heart for so many people, and she’s excited to have found someone new to bring in. But Clarke – you’re her best friend. You love her better than anyone else I’ve ever met, and Lexa knows that.”

Clarke sniffed. “But it _hurts_ Uncle Gus. She doesn’t care when I’m not around anymore. I love her – and she doesn’t care.”

“I know you love her, little bit. And so does Lexa.”

The blonde shook her head. “No, Uncle Gus. I _love_ her. For always,” she said with all the brazen confidence a thirteen year old eighth grader could have. “She promised she wouldn’t leave me. Everyone besides you and Lexa have disappeared. She can’t leave me too.”

“Don’t you think you should talk to Lexa about how you feel and not me?” Gustus prodded.

Clarke just sunk further into herself, if that was possible. “No. She’s happy. I just want her to be happy. It’s not supposed to hurt.” She let go of Gustus and collected her things, leaving without another word.

* * *

Clarke spent the next day avoiding Lexa at school. The other girl was confused at her best friend’s cold attitude. Something had been off with Clarke for a while, but this was new.

“I don’t know what happened, Octavia,” she told the younger girl, who was finally at the same school again. “This whole month she’s been weird, and now she won’t talk to me at all. Not even on the walk to school this morning. She just stared at the ground.”

“I’ll talk to her,” Octavia promised. “See what’s going on.” At lunch time, Clarke slunk out of the cafeteria, hoping to avoid anyone’s notice. Unfortunately, Octavia had been keeping an eye on her, and followed her out. “So, you want to tell me why Lexa thinks you’re pissed at her?”

Clarke froze as Octavia’s voice came from behind her. “I’m not pissed at her, O,” she sighed.

Octavia rolled her eyes. “That’s crap, Clarke. She says you won’t talk to her. You two are always attached at the hip, and now you want to sit out on the bleachers and eat your lunch by yourself?”

“Oh, _now_ she noticed,” Clarke muttered.

“Noticed what?”

Clarke waved her hand absentmindedly. “Why don’t you go ask Lexa yourself? Or better yet, her best friend Anya. I’m sure one’s not far from the other.” She grimaced at the thought.

“Is that what this is about? Anya?” Octavia paused. “You’re jealous,” she realized.

“Jealous,” Clarke scoffed. “Of what? I already lost that battle. There’s nothing to be jealous of anymore - Anya won. So can you just leave me alone, O? I want to be by myself.” Clarke walked off, leaving Octavia bewildered and only able to go back inside and talk to Lexa.

Lexa was indeed having lunch with Anya, though it was a lot quieter than it had been the last few weeks and Lexa kept glancing worriedly at the doors. Her eyes lit up when she saw Octavia return, but dimmed when Clarke didn’t follow her in. “Lex, we need to talk.” Octavia motioned for the taller girl to follow her. When they were in a semi-private corner, Octavia began. “Has Clarke ever said anything about Anya?”

“Anya? No, not really. I’m not even sure she’s ever even really talked to Anya, although I’ve tried to get her to. I think they would really get along,” Lexa replied uncertainly. “In fact, ever since I met Anya, Clarke’s been acting funny.”

Octavia shook her head, rolling her eyes. Both of her friends were so oblivious sometimes. “Lexa – Clarke’s jealous of Anya. She’s convinced that you like Anya more than her. I don’t know, Lex. She didn’t say much. She looked pretty sad though.”

Lexa looked like she was about to cry. “But – but Clarke is my best friend. We tell each other everything. Why wouldn’t she tell me how she was feeling?”

“Maybe because she was scared of what your answer would be,” Octavia guessed.

“I have to talk to her,” Lexa decided.

But even though Lexa waited outside the classroom until the last second for Clarke, the other girl never showed. Worried, Lexa went to the teacher.

“Clarke? She went to the nurse saying she felt sick and they called her mom to come pick her up. I’m sure it’s just the flu, Lexa. I wouldn’t worry too much,” her teacher reassured her.

Lexa felt everything but reassured. She knew Clarke had gone home because she didn’t want to talk to her, and that hurt more than anything Lexa thought was possible. She walked home alone that afternoon, the sick feeling in her stomach growing every moment things weren’t right between her and Clarke. By the time she got home, Lexa was feeling pretty ill herself.

“You don’t look so good, Heda,” was the first thing out of Gustus’ mouth when he saw her. “You coming down with something?”

“Clarke hates me,” Lexa said miserably, dropping her head onto the kitchen table.

Gustus paused. “Now, why would you think that?”

“Because! She won’t talk to me, and Octavia said she was jealous of Anya. Why would she do that?” Lexa asked desperately.

“Well…” Gustus had a feeling he knew where this was coming from. “When was the last time you two worked on your Ground and Sky story?”

Lexa frowned, confused by the topic. “Um, a while? I don’t know.”

“Uh huh. And the last time Clarke talked to you about her drawing? Or what Clarke wants to do?”

Lexa deflated. “I don’t know.”

“What have you been talking about mostly for the past couple of months?” Gustus prodded.

“I mean – I guess my martial arts class – and Anya,” Lexa realized. “Octavia said Clarke was scared that I liked Anya more than her. But I just want her to be friends with Anya too!” she protested. “I like Anya, but I love Clarke.”

Gustus sighed. “I know you do goufa. And it’s not your fault. I know you were just excited about having a new friend. But maybe Clarke didn’t see it that way.”

“What if Clarke never talks to me again, Daddy?” Tears were streaming down Lexa’s face as she stared up at Gustus pleadingly. She couldn’t lose her best friend.

“She will, little one.” Gustus wrapped Lexa up in a hug and for the second time in two days, had a teenager wetting his shirt with her tears. “It will be okay, Lexa. Just talk to her tomorrow. You two are best friends and this won’t be enough to break you apart. Ste yuj, Heda.”

* * *

Lexa tossed and turned in her bed later that night. She hadn’t gotten an ounce of sleep, and she’d heard her dad go to bed over an hour ago. She just knew she wouldn’t be getting any sleep until she sorted things out with Clarke. Lexa threw off the covers and padded quietly down the stairs and out her front door.

A chilly wind was blowing, definitely a sign of the coming winter – even though it was only September. Lexa shivered slightly in her thin pajamas. She should’ve changed, but she was in too much of a hurry to speak with Clarke. Once she reached the house, Lexa looked up at the tree she used to climb all the time with a little trepidation. It used to look smaller. Or she used to be more fearless. Whichever one, Lexa wasn’t looking forward to getting to Clarke’s window again. To make matters worse, it wasn’t even open this time.

“Okay,” Lexa tried to psych herself up. “Okay.” She started climbing. The wind wasn’t making things any easier, and Lexa’s hands were shaking a bit, making it harder to keep a hold on the rough bark. But finally, she reached the right branch and edged her way toward Clarke’s window. To hopefully get the other girl’s attention, Lexa snapped off a branch, broke it into smaller pieces, and began throwing them at the window. “Clarke!” she hissed.

It took a few minutes, but eventually a sleepy-looking Clarke opened the window. “Lexa! What the hell are you doing up there!” she whisper-yelled. “Get down before you fall and go home!”

“No,” Lexa refused stubbornly. “Not until you talk to me.”

“Don’t be stupid Lexa. Go home.”

A strong gust of wind suddenly blew through Lexa, making her sway in the tree. “Whoa!”

“Lexa!”

It took a minute, but Lexa eventually steadied herself after almost falling out of the tree. “You gonna let me in now?”

“Fine. But then you’re going straight home,” Clarke finally agreed.

 _Not a chance_ , Lexa thought. Once Clarke was out of the way, she quickly scrambled out of the tree –while promising herself never to climb it again – and onto Clarke’s bedroom floor. She took a moment to catch her breath and let the adrenaline rush out.

“Okay, you have to go,” Clarke insisted. “My mom might have heard that.”

“You never cared before,” Lexa pointed out.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Well, now I do, okay? So you have to go.”

Lexa shook her head. “No, Clarke. I’m not leaving until you talk to me about why you’re so mad at me.”

“Is that what Octavia told you after you had her _spy_ on me?” Clarke accused.

“No!” Lexa denied quickly. “But you’re not talking to me and you think I’ve done something wrong. It’s not hard to connect the dots, Clarke. Please – just talk to me,” she practically begged.

Clarke swallowed hard and looked everywhere but at Lexa.

“Clarke, I –”

“What makes her so much better than me, Lexa?!” The words burst out of Clarke uncontrolled but still quiet enough to avoid waking Abby. “I’ve tried and I’ve tried – is it because of the martial arts thing? Do you just have more in common with her? Because that was never a problem when I was drawing and you were doing something else. We could talk then. Why not now? I just – I don’t understand – why, Lexa?” Tears were starting to fall down Clarke’s cheeks. “What did I do wrong? What do I _always_ do wrong? Dad died, my mom doesn’t care about me, and now you have a new best friend. Why does everybody I love leave?” She collapsed onto her bed, burying her face in her hands as sobs shook her body.

Lexa practically dove to her knees in front of her friend, placing her hands on Clarke’s legs. “Clarke. Clarke, please. Please don’t cry,” she pleaded. “I love you. I’m not leaving you ever – I promised, remember? When we were ten? And when we went camping last year? I swore, and I meant it. I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t want you around anymore. I was just excited. I wanted you to be friends with Anya too. But you’re my best friend, Clarke. I love you more than anyone. Please, Clarke, I promise.” She rested her chin on Clarke’s knees, hoping she was somehow getting through to the sobbing blonde. Lexa continued to speak to her friend quietly, offering promises and reassurances and apologies, until finally the tears slowed for both of them.

“I love you too,” Clarke whimpered, her first words in nearly an hour. “I didn’t mean to be jealous – I didn’t want to be. But Mom’s never home, she never talks to me or asks me how my day was. You and Uncle Gus are the only people I have left, and if I lose you, I lose him too. And it felt like Anya was taking my place. I was so scared, Lexa.” Her breathing started to quicken as she thought about just how frightened of losing Lexa she had been all month. “Lexa,” she gasped.

Recognizing the signs of Clarke’s oncoming panic attack, Lexa surged up to engulf the blonde in her arms. “You don’t have to be afraid, Clarke,” she whispered. “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere, okay? Just breathe, remember? Deep breaths, in and out. Follow me,” she instructed. Clarke hadn’t had a panic attack in years, and Lexa felt horrible that she was the reason Clarke was having one now. “I’m right here, Clarke. Just breathe.”

At some point, the two of them ended up lying crossways on Clarke’s bed, with Clarke practically on top of Lexa. Her panic attack had passed, leaving her exhausted and needy for direct contact with Lexa. Her nose was pressed into the crook of Lexa’s shoulder and one arm and leg were slung across Lexa’s body. “Thank you for staying,” she murmured tiredly.

“Nowhere I’d rather be,” Lexa said, pressing a kiss to Clarke’s forehead. “But I think we need to move or we’re going to wake up really sore in – crap – two hours.”

“Don’t wanna,” Clarke mumbled, half asleep already. Lexa smiled fondly and gently moved Clarke, despite her protests, until they were lying next to each other the right way on the bed. Clarke immediately shifted again until she was back in her original position on top of Lexa, needing the reassurance that Lexa was still there and wasn’t leaving her. “Tired,” she slurred.

“Go to sleep, Clarke,” Lexa whispered, kissing her best friend’s forehead again gently. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

With that last promise, both girls fell asleep, wrapped tightly around one another.

* * *

“Lexa? Lexa, are you getting up for school?” Gustus waited by his daughter’s bedroom door, listening for any sounds to show that she was planning on getting out of bed that morning. “Lexa, come on, kid. You have to go to school. I know yesterday sucked, but you can figure things out with Clarke today, alright?” He pushed open the door, only to be greeted with an empty bedroom. “Shit.”

Gustus immediately pulled out his phone and texted Abby, praying she wasn’t at work already.

**Gustus Woods – 6:43 am:** _Please tell me Lexa is with Clarke._

He waited anxiously for a reply.

**Abby Griffin – 6:48 am:** _I’ll check._

The next text he received was a picture of the two girls completely tangled in Clarke’s bed. He couldn’t tell where one kid ended and the other began, they were so tightly wrapped around one another.

**Abby Griffin – 6:50 am:** _Remember when they used to both fit on there so easily?_

Gustus breathed a sigh of relief. Lexa was okay.

**Gustus Woods – 6:52 am:** _Like déjà vu. I’ll be over in a minute to fetch her._

**Abby Griffin – 6:53 am:** _Don’t worry. I’ll get them up and ready. Take your time._

Gustus hurriedly dressed and made his way over to the Griffin house. When he walked in, he was met with the sight of two sleepy girls sitting at the kitchen table holding hands and really more interested in each other than eating their cereal. “Alexandria Delaney Woods,” he scolded. Lexa grimaced at the use of her full name. “What did we discuss about you leaving the house – _at night_ – without telling me?”

Lexa bit her lip. “Not to?”

“Exactly. What were you thinking? Something could have happened to you!”

“But Dad! I couldn’t just go to sleep feeling that way. I had to make things better!” she insisted before deflating. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Is everything okay, you two?” Abby asked.

“Yeah, Mom. We’re fine,” Clarke answered abruptly, laying her head on Lexa’s shoulder and looking at Gustus instead of her mom. Abby frowned, but didn’t push the subject, while Gustus just gave her an apologetic glance. Clarke was at the point where she didn’t tell her mother important things anymore, leaving that up to Gustus’ discretion as she and Abby grew further and further apart because of Abby’s never-ending work. However, the older Clarke got, the less Gustus felt able to interfere with her life by telling Abby what was going with the teenager. She was growing old enough to make her own decisions – thus Abby knew less and less about her daughter’s life. It appeared that it would be a while before she learned about Clarke and Lexa’s first fight.

“You two ready to get to school, then?” Gustus sighed, giving up the argument with his daughter. He supposed he was just lucky Clarke lived only three doors down, as he had no doubt Lexa would have attempted the same thing even if her best friend lived miles away.

* * *

“Listen,” Lexa brought up the topic hesitantly as she and Clarke walked to school together. “I know it might be a sore subject right now, but I was hoping maybe we could try the whole thing with Anya again. Because I do really think you would like her, and she you. I know she comes off as kind of superior and abrasive, but she’s helped me a lot in tae kwon do, and she didn’t have to, and she’s funny, but you have to really pay attention to it or else you don’t catch it, and –”

“Lexa,” Clarke interrupted her friend’s nervous rampage. “It’s fine. I’d like to try again too. I know I was being stupid, and I’d like another chance at the whole thing.”

“How you feel is never stupid, Clarke,” Lexa denied. “Even if I didn’t mean to, it’s my fault you were uncomfortable and left out. I want to fix that.”

Clarke gave Lexa a quick kiss on the cheek, making Lexa blush. “You already fixed it. But yes, introduce me to Anya again.”

As if summoned, the older girl walked up to them from her block. “Hey, Anya,” Lexa greeted a bit nervously as Anya joined the group.

Resolutely, Clarke stuck out her hand. “Hi. I’m Clarke. I think we got off on the wrong foot.”

Anya looked down at the hand, then back at Clarke’s eyes. With a slow smirk, she took Clarke’s forearm instead of her hand and squeezed it when Clarke reciprocated. “I believe we did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys stuck with it and liked it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa experience some growing pains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to update yesterday! Woops. This one's a little short, but there's some good stuff in here, I think.

“DAD!” Lexa’s panicked shout almost startled Gustus out of his chair. “DAD!”

“Lexa?”

The fourteen year old in question ran down the stairs, terror written on her face. “Dad! Clarke’s bleeding and she’s crying and I don’t know what to do and she’s in the bathroom and you have to come really fast!”

Gustus could barely understand what his daughter was saying, but Lexa was frantically tugging him up the stairs so he followed. Lexa tried to pull him into the bathroom where he assumed Clarke was, but Gustus stopped short, closing his eyes while Lexa disappeared inside. “Clarke, are you decent?”

There was a sniff, then, “Yes, Uncle Gus.”

“Okay, little bit.” Gustus carefully entered the bathroom. “Where are you bleeding? Is it bad – hospital bad?”

“I – I don’t think so.”

“Alright, where are you bleeding?” Gustus couldn’t see evidence of any kind of injury on Clarke.

Clarke blushed bright red, and so did Lexa. “Um, b-between my – my legs,” Clarke muttered, obviously embarrassed.

Understanding washed over Gustus in an instant. He tried to keep his sigh of relief unnoticeable. He could handle this. He’d taught himself all about this in preparation for Lexa. It was just coming a bit earlier and with Clarke instead. “Okay, kiddo. It’s nothing to be self-conscious about and I promise you’re fine. Believe me?” Clarke nodded shakily, leftover tear tracks still visible on her cheeks. “You remember that woman who came into your class and had a talk about puberty for girls?” Both girls nodded this time. “Well, the bleeding is part of it. It’s called your period and it comes every month or so. She probably showed you how to use a pad and tampon, I’m guessing. Familiar?”

“That’s what it is?” Lexa asked, looking a little grossed out.

“Uh-huh. It’s very much normal. I bought some things for when Lexa started. You just sit tight for a minute, Clarke, and I’ll go get them. I got some of each, because I didn’t know what you would prefer.”

Clarke made a face. “I don’t want to stick anything inside me,” she denied immediately. “What if it gets lost?”

Gustus chuckled. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’ll just grab you a few pads, then. Be right back.” He walked quickly to his bathroom, where he’d been keeping the supplies for a few months. When he was near the girls’ bathroom again, he could hear Lexa and Clarke speaking, and he stopped for a moment to listen.

“I was so scared, Clarke.”

“But it’s okay, Lex,” Clarke comforted his daughter. “Your dad said it was fine. That lady said so too, even if she didn’t explain it very well. It kind of really sucks, but it’s okay.”

Gustus poked his head in just in time to see Clarke place a kiss on Lexa’s temple while she held his daughter, comforting her. He smiled and shook his head. Someday, those two would pull their heads out of the ground and tell each other what they had both already told him. It appeared that today was not that day, though. Perhaps when they were a bit older and not under the influence of so many confusing hormones. “Here you go, Clarke,” he interrupted their moment. He handed over the pads. “And if it made a mess in your underpants, just run some cold water and soap over it – should clear up most of the mess. I’m sure Lexa has some spares for you to wear, and I’ll run yours through the wash tonight.”

“Thank you, Uncle Gus,” Clarke murmured. “I don’t know what I would have done if I was at home. I don’t think my mom has anything.”

“Well, I’ll take the two of you shopping tomorrow so we can figure out what you need, alright?” Gustus offered.

Clarke leapt up and threw her arms around his waist. “Thank you.” Her voice was muffled by his shirt. If she couldn’t have her mom, at least Gustus was the next best thing.

* * *

“Lexa, are you sleeping?” Clarke whispered later that night.

Lexa rolled over and opened her eyes. “No.” She blinked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “What is it?” she asked when she saw the look on Clarke’s face.

Clarke hesitated. “I’m not – I’m not a grown up, am I?” she asked nervously.

“No. No, you’re not. Why would you think you were?” Lexa was confused.

“Because. Because that lady – she said that when girls start bleeding, that means she’s ‘becoming a woman’ and an adult and I’m not ready to be grown up, Lexa! I’m only fourteen!” Clarke rambled.

Lexa pulled Clarke into her arms quickly. “She’s wrong, Clarke. You’re a kid just like you were this morning before you started bleeding. I think maybe we’ve started growing up, but it takes years and years and almost forever before we’re actually grown up, you know?” At Clarke’s nod, Lexa continued. “Dad didn’t say you were all grown up now, so I think you’re okay. It’s just starting, and we all have to do it. I’ll be the same as you before you know it,” she promised.

“Okay,” Clarke sniffled. There was quiet for a while, with the two girls simply holding each other in the new, larger bed Gustus had bought the month before in order to fit the two growing teens. “Hey, Lexa?”

“Yeah, Clarke,” Lexa said tiredly.

“If we’re starting to grow up, does that mean we have to start dating and kissing and stuff, too?”

Lexa thought about it. “I guess. If you want to, I mean. I don’t think you _have_ to, but it’s something the high school kids do. They seem to like it fine.”

“Do you think I have to let a gross boy do it?” Clarke asked.

“You don’t have to let anyone do anything, Clarke.” Gustus had told Lexa that she never had to let anyone keep doing something she didn’t want them to do. If she said no, unless it was homework, the other person had to stop. Lexa was disappointed to learn that it didn’t apply to school, but she figured this was something Gustus meant it for.

There was silence for a little while, and Lexa thought maybe Clarke had finally fallen asleep. “Do you think you would do it?” Clarke asked timidly. “With me?”

Lexa’s eyes flew open in surprise. “Me?” she asked dumbly. “You want me to kiss you?”

Clarke bit her lip and nodded. “That way it’ll be with someone I like, and I don’t have to worry about it anymore,” she reasoned. “You’re my favorite person in the world. Who else would I want to be my first kiss?”

“Okay,” Lexa agreed. She scooted closer to the blonde before leaning in.

Clarke hadn’t expected lips to be so soft. She wasn’t quite sure what to do with the ones kissing her, but she did her best to reciprocate Lexa’s affection. It didn’t last long, and it was chaste, neither going past the simple contact. When Lexa pulled away, she blushed bright red, burying her face in her pillow. “How was that?” she muttered.

“It was – different.” Clarke considered. “Definitely not gross. At least with you. I think I liked it. You?”

Lexa slowly turned her face toward Clarke. “I liked it,” she mumbled, still embarrassed.

Clarke nestled back into her pillow, cuddling close to her best friend. Lexa instinctively wrapped her arm around Clarke’s waist, keeping her close. “Thank you for being my first kiss, Lexa,” Clarke said, finally sleepy.

The brunette pressed a kiss to Clarke’s forehead. “You’re welcome.” She tried not to think about how she’d enjoyed it a little too much as well.

* * *

“Hey Uncle Gus?” Clarke asked the next afternoon while she did her homework in the kitchen. Lexa was off at tae kwon do with Anya, who Clarke had been very surprised to learn she liked quite a bit a few months ago. Now was the ideal time to bring up what she’d been itching to ask him for a while.

Gustus looked up from where he was making dinner for the three of them. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“How did you know you loved your wife?”

That earned her a strange look. Gustus wondered if this was going to turn into another confession akin to the one Lexa had made three years ago and Clarke herself had a few months back. “That’s – that’s hard to say, Clarke,” he mused. “What brought this up?”

“The bleeding means I’m growing up, aren’t I? Lexa says it’ll probably take a long time, and that I’m not grown up now, but I’ve started, haven’t I?” Clarke was determined not to cry no matter what Gustus said. Even if it was bad news. Growing up wasn’t that big of a deal – she could take it.

“It’s called your period, Clarke,” Gustus reminded her. “And yes, it means you’ve started to become an adult. But Lexa is correct too. You are by no means an adult now,” he tried to reassure her.

The blonde nodded. “So like, I can still do kid things, but also some older people things too? Like, is loving someone an adult thing to do?”

So that’s where the question was coming from. For once, Gustus felt a bit out of his depth and wished for a partner in all of this. He wanted to do right by this scared girl he’d looked after like his own daughter for years, and not for the first time, he resented Abby for distancing herself from her amazing girl’s life. “Loving someone is something anyone can do, including kids, Clarke. It’s not always permanent at your age, because things are confusing when you’re a teenager. For example, I knew my wife in high school, but we didn’t start dating until the end of college. Neither of us were ready when we were kids. But it’s different for everyone.”

“Did Lexa ever get to meet her?” Clarke asked curiously.

Gustus’ eyes saddened. “No,” he sighed. “My wife died before I fostered Lexa. But sometimes, even though they’re not blood related and they never met, I still see my girl in Lexa’s eyes. They’re both very special people, and I think you and I are very lucky to have known and loved them.”

Clarke nodded seriously. She was the luckiest person in the world to have Lexa as her best friend. “I think I love Lexa like that,” she pondered. It never occurred to her to be self-conscious about expressing her love for Lexa to her father. Gustus had always done right by her. “I want it to be permanent. Is that okay?”

“That’s perfectly alright, Clarke. Lexa is lucky to be loved by you – you’re a special girl too. But you are very young, still, Clarke. No decisions have to be made when you’re fourteen. Just be a kid, for now. Enjoy the people around you, make friends, kiss some people if you want.”

Clarke blushed. “I – I might have – kissed Lexa last night.” Her voice quieted to nearly inaudible at the end of her sentence. “I didn’t want a gross boy to be my first kiss.”

“Did you now,” Gustus chuckled. His daughter probably almost imploded at the thought of kissing Clarke. “No getting my daughter pregnant, kiddo.”

Clarke squeaked, flushing even brighter red. “Uncle Gustus,” she whined.

Gustus’ boom of laughter made her grin despite her embarrassment. “I’m just teasing, little bit. Don’t tie yourself up in knots about it, okay?. Do what makes you happy.”

“Yeah?” Clarke’s voice trembled. “It’s not wrong?”

“Nothing that makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anyone else is ever wrong, Clarke,” Gustus replied solemnly.

Clarke left her homework behind to give Gustus a hug. Her arms wrapped around his chest now – she and Lexa were growing up too quickly. “Thank you, Uncle Gus,” she mumbled into his shirt.

“Anytime, kiddo.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of high school, and Clarke and Lexa can't exist in their quiet little bubble forever. Clarke is a little bit oblivious and Lexa's a dramatic little bean.

“You girls ready for your first day of high school?” Gustus asked.

“Yeah?” Lexa said nervously.

“I guess.” Clarke sounded even more worried.

Gustus looked over at them. “What’s with the long faces?”

“We’re not in all the same classes.”

“What if the older kids are mean?”

Both girls spoke at the same time, and Gustus wasn’t sure which concern he should deal with first. “Well, Lexa, you didn’t want to take art, remember? And Clarke’s not going out for any sports. So you guys will both have opportunities to make new friends. High school is a place where you can make friends you’ll have for the rest of your life. And I don’t think you’ll have to worry about any kids being jerks. The school has a strict anti-bullying policy and besides, you two will have Anya there. Aren’t you glad to finally go to the same school as her?”

The girls looked at each other before nodding hesitantly. “Anya did say she’d wreck anyone who picked on us,” Lexa mentioned. Anya was going to be a junior and had a black belt. People didn’t mess with her.

“She did?” Clarke asked.

“Yeah, at our last tai kwon do class.”

“Oh. Well okay then. Anya’s the scariest person I know.” Clarke seemed reassured with the new development.

Gustus shook his head, amused by the sixteen year old’s protectiveness of his two girls. “That’s one problem settled, then. As for your worries, Lexa – I know that you and Clarke have most of your core classes together, and you’ll still have lunch at the same time. I wouldn’t worry too much. It’s not like you’re allowed to talk in class anyways.”

Lexa nodded, looking slightly more confident. “Yeah, and I’m going to cheer you on at your soccer games too,” Clarke nudged her. “So we’ll be fine.”

“We’ll be fine,” Lexa repeated.

* * *

Lexa scanned the cafeteria, looking for her best friend. They had had English together first thing before splitting for the next two classes, and now Lexa wished they had discussed where they were going to sit before school this morning.

“Hey, squirt,” Anya said from behind, making the younger girl jump a little. “Scared to go in?”

“No,” Lexa grumbled, elbowing Anya lightly. “I was looking for Clarke.”

Anya pushed her toward the line. “Well, why don’t you get some food before it’s all gone, and you can look for her while you’re in line.”

“They don’t run out of food,” Lexa muttered, grumpy that she couldn’t find Clarke but obeying anyway.

“It’s your first day, how would you know?” Anya teased. “And she’s right there, by the way. Doofus.”

Lexa whipped her head around to look where Anya was pointing. Clarke grinned and waved from where she was sitting next to a girl Lexa didn’t recognize. “Who’s that?” she asked Anya.

Anya just shrugged. “Never seen her before.” They finished getting their lunches and made their way over to Clarke and the mystery girl.

Clarke leapt up once they were close enough to give Lexa an enthusiastic hug. “Hi! I wasn’t sure when you’d get here so I decided to save us a table. This is Raven Reyes, she just moved to Polis and she’s a freshman, like us,” Clarke babbled happily on, making Lexa smile. It seemed like Clarke had been having a good day, which relieved the brunette. Clarke had had a difficult time transitioning into middle school, and Lexa had been concerned that high school would be the same. But it appeared that her worries had been unfounded.

“Hi Raven. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Lexa,” she introduced herself politely. “And this is Anya.”

Raven saluted. “Hey. Raven, as you already know. Mechanic extraordinaire, and also pretty handy with computers. If you need something fixed, I can fix it. Including your grades.”

Lexa tilted her head at the odd introduction. The girl certainly didn’t lack confidence. “That would be considered unethical,” she pointed out mildly.

“Psh, speak for yourself,” Anya broke in. “My US government grade could already say different.”

“It’s the first day of class, Anya,” Lexa reminded her, exasperated. “How can you already be doing poorly?”

Anya rolled her eyes. “Ask Titus Microdick why he’s handing out pop quizzes on the first day of school, and then you’ll understand why I’m already failing.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to call him that, Ahn,” Clarke said.

“Wait. I think I have him for US history,” Raven added, looking slightly frightened. “Titus Sor?”

“That would be the bald devil himself. Pretty sure he’s a pervert too,” Anya confirmed.

“Shit,” Raven complained. “Why do I gotta have the crap teacher for the one class I’m bad at? Please tell me you two have to suffer with me?”

Lexa checked her schedule and compared it to Clarke’s. They shared history class at the end of the day, but not with Titus, thankfully. “Nope,” Clarke celebrated. “We’ve got Mrs. Crew.”

After that, the conversation split as Raven started grilling Anya for details on what to expect from Titus, and Clarke and Lexa caught up on what they had missed of each other’s’ day. “How was biology?” Lexa asked, knowing it was Clarke’s second favorite subject after and one of the one’s she was most excited for in the coming year.

“Really good,” Clarke replied, squeezing Lexa’s hand while they both ate one handed. They were used to eating like that, and had grown accustomed to having one less limb available. “We have to start with the basics – evolutionary concepts, scientific theory, and the like. But we get to start dissections in a couple months, which is going to be awesome. And the teacher’s great. I think she teaches all the sections. You’ll like her.” Biology was the one core course that Lexa and Clarke didn’t share this year, and she knew Lexa was the most concerned about her grade in that class, so Clarke did her best to reassure her friend that everything would be fine. “We also have lab partners, which is how I met Raven. We’re partners. So at least you’ll have someone to help in class, and we can do our homework together at home every night. We’ll do great,” she said confidently.

Lexa leaned over and pressed a kiss to Clarke’s cheek, grateful for her support and help. Acts of affection had become more commonplace over the summer, and if Lexa wasn’t ready to confess her feelings to Clarke, at least this was the next best thing. She wasn’t, however, expecting Raven to question it.

“So, how long have you two been dating?” she asked bluntly.

Clarke and Lexa both jumped and stuttered out nonsense. “I – we’re not –” “We aren’t –” They both flushed furiously.

“Well, then someone better tell that poor boy over there before he pines to death,” Raven said, grinning.

Clarke and Lexa looked off to their left, where Wells was indeed looking over at Clarke forlornly. “That’s just Wells,” Clarke dismissed. “We’ve been in class together forever.”

Lexa scooted a bit closer to Clarke, trying not to glare at Wells jealously. In some form or capacity, Clarke was hers, and Lexa didn’t like the idea of having to share her with someone else.

“You sure they’re not dating?” Raven whispered at Anya. The older girl just shrugged.

* * *

Clarke had been right, Lexa was pleased to discover. They were doing quite well in their first year of high school so far. Being in school with Anya was great, they still saw Octavia as much as possible, and Raven had worked her way seamlessly into their little group as well, so that they now numbered five. Any number of them could be found at the Woods’ household on a given night, but it always ended the same – Clarke and Lexa together in Lexa’s room.

Clarke barely ever even made the pretense of going back to her mother’s house for the night, considering Lexa and Gustus’ house more home than anywhere else. She almost felt like a guest whenever she _was_ at what should have been her home, and her mother was nearly a stranger by this point. Abby had started coming home more often, working fewer hours and trying to spend more time with Clarke, but it seemed that every conversation ended in an argument and with Clarke running out of the house to Lexa’s. She’d told this to Lexa one night over the summer break, and while Lexa wished that the relationship between mother and daughter was better, for Clarke’s sake, she was also selfishly glad that she could be a comfort to Clarke whenever she and Abby inevitably had a fight.

Speaking of the blonde, Clarke sat down next to Lexa at the lunch table, interrupting her thoughts. “What’s wrong?” Lexa asked, concerned with Clarke’s pensive face.

“Wells asked me out on a date,” Clarke said, the answer coming out of left field for Lexa.

“Wells?!” Lexa spluttered. Sure, the boy was nice, and had always treated everyone with utmost respect and gentleness, but Lexa couldn’t help jealously that boiled inside her.

“I mean I think it was a date? Maybe not – he kind of just said, ‘You wanna hang out on Friday?’” Clarke thought it over. “We are friends. Maybe he just wants to spend more time with me.” She didn’t sound very sure.

“Well, what did you say?”

“’Alright’?” Clarke shrugged. “I mean, he’s nice enough. And we’re only fifteen, so even if it is a date, it’s not like it’s going to last forever anyway, right? Might as well practice with someone who’s not a jerk. And if he really just wants to hang out, that’s cool. Even better.”

Lexa shook her head. “Why do you need to practice for dates? Shouldn’t you just be with someone who feels right? Something that you’re sure of?” _Like me,_ was the addition Lexa left out.

Clarke just shrugged again. “It should be fun either way, right? I mean, not fun like you and I have, but a different kind of fun. Since we’re growing up and all. If he wants it to be a date I might as well try it.”

“I guess,” Lexa said, unconvinced. “I just think that if you don’t really like someone, you probably shouldn’t date them. Or at least clarify that it’s not a date. You don’t want to hurt their feelings.”

“I’m sure, at most, it’s just a crush. I won’t break his heart, Lex.”

Lexa let the subject drop, an ache developing in her stomach. When she’d told her father that she wanted to marry Clarke when she was ten, she’d been serious. She hadn’t understood exactly what marriage entailed back then, but she’d known she wanted Clarke to be happy and to be able to protect her. Now, Lexa was starting to realize that her feelings weren’t just platonic. Lexa loved Clarke, but Clarke was going to go on a ‘maybe’ date with a boy. A nice boy, but still a boy. Clarke was straight. Which meant Lexa never stood a chance with her.

The brunette resolved herself to forget her feelings as soon as possible so she could concentrate on being Clarke’s best friend. Lexa knew Clarke loved her too, just not in the way she wanted. She could be happy with that. She had to be.

“You okay, Lex?” Clarke asked, concerned with the sad look in Lexa’s eye. “Did I say something?” The last thing she wanted was to upset Lexa. “If you think it’s a bad idea I won’t do it.”

“No,” Lexa reassured her, stuffing down her hurt and jealousy. “Just been a long week and I’ve still got practice today and a game Friday.”

Clarke nodded sympathetically. “We’ll go to bed early tonight, okay? And I’ll be cheering you on from the stands on Friday. Sound good?”

“Yeah,” Lexa smiled. _God, why does Clarke have to be so perfect? And so clueless._

* * *

Clarke came back from her first ‘date’ looking – not thrilled and like she had the time of her life – but happy enough. Lexa was still at the kitchen table even though dinner was long over, working on her homework for the weekend. “How was it?” she asked when Clarke walked in the front door using the key Gustus had given her the year before.

“Okay,” Clarke shrugged. “We went to the bowling alley. Played a few games and he bought us food there. It was fun. Still not sure it was a date though. He didn’t say anything about it.”

 _Cliché_ , Lexa corrected in her head. The only more stereotypical date Wells could have taken Clarke on for a first date would have been a movie. Lexa would have taken Clarke somewhere out of the city where she could paint the stars. _That_ would have been a unique and awesome first date. If she’d had a car. And if Clarke actually wanted to date her. Which Clarke didn’t. So it was a moot point. “I’m glad you had fun. You going to do it again?”

Clarke just shrugged again. “Maybe. I guess I’ll see if he asks me again. If he does, I guess that’ll mean he wants to date me?” Clarke still wasn’t sure that that was what she wanted with Wells. She sat down in the chair next to Lexa and leaned her head on the brunette’s shoulder. “But the better question right now is, why are you doing your homework on Friday night? You played a game – aren’t you tired?”

“I was bored,” was Lexa’s simple reply. “And waiting up for you to get back.”

Clarke pressed a kiss to Lexa’s cheek, making Lexa blush slightly. “You’re sweet, Lex. But no more of that. We can do it together tomorrow. I need your help with the history essay anyway and I know you want to go over the bio with me. So it can wait,” she decided.

Lexa smiled. “It can wait,” she agreed. “What movie do you want to watch?” she asked as they went up the stairs to their room.

“You pick. I already went bowling today so it’s your turn,” Clarke offered.

“You know what I’m going to pick.”

Clarke groaned dramatically, making Lexa laugh. “Noo,” she whined. “It always makes me cry.”

“Then you shouldn’t have let me choose,” Lexa teased, immediately going for the case holding Big Hero 6.

“Every time,” Clarke grumbled. “Not even freaking Titanic can make me cry more than once, but one dead Disney brother and a white robot and I’m sobbing. I think you do it just because of that.”

Lexa pretended to consider it. “Well, not _only_ because –” She was cut off when Clarke groaned and threw a pillow at her, hitting her square in the face. Lexa grabbed it and stuck it under her head. “Now you get to cry at the movie without a pillow to cuddle,” she taunted playfully.

Clarke shrugged. “I’ll just cuddle you. Better than a pillow anyway.” She lay down next to Lexa as the movie started playing, snuggling into her chest. “Just don’t blame me when your shirt is soaked in an hour.”

Lexa pulled her friend closer with one arm and held her there. “I wouldn’t dare.”

Wells might get to go on some sort-of dates with Clarke, Lexa realized while the movie played, but she got Clarke for the rest of the time, and that was still a pretty good deal.

* * *

The next few months developed a pattern. After school, Clarke would cheer Lexa on in either her practices or her games. Lexa had scored a starting position at middle halfback on the junior varsity squad as a freshman, and the captain had already told her that she would be moving Lexa up to varsity for the playoff season and for next year.

Clarke and Wells continued to ‘date’, but just once a week on Friday nights. Clarke had told Lexa that Wells hadn’t tried to do anything further yet, like kiss her, which pleased Lexa to no end. She tried to keep her jealousy in check at all times so that it would never compromise her friendship with Clarke. Lexa was proud that so far, it hadn’t, but that didn’t stop the jealousy from continuing to grow the longer Clarke and Wells dated. Clarke was either oblivious to Wells’ feelings or simply not telling Lexa everything, because she seemed to think that there was still a possibility that Wells merely wanted to be friends. Lexa was leaning toward oblivious.

“It’s not fair, Dad,” Lexa complained one Friday evening after practice in early March, when Clarke was at her weekly hangout with Wells. He was taking Clarke out to dinner for her birthday.

“What isn’t, Heda?” Gustus asked.

Lexa sighed. “Wells gets to go on all these dates with Clarke, and they’re not even good ones. I could do so much better. Even if she thinks they aren’t really dates, I know they are. Why did Clarke have to be straight?”

“How do you know she’s only interested in boys?” Gustus asked, keeping in mind what Clarke had told him the year before. Even if Clarke no longer had feelings for his daughter, which he doubted had changed, she was at least still interested in girls as well. But he wouldn’t be the one to reveal that. It was something only Clarke could speak about. “Did she tell you that?”

“No,” Lexa huffed. “But we tell each other everything! Why wouldn’t she tell me if she liked girls?”

“Well, maybe if you tell her how you feel, then she’ll confide in you as well,” Gustus said patiently. “Maybe this thing she’s doing with Wells is her trying to figure out who she does and doesn’t like. Maybe she’s scared about how she feels. Communication always has to be a two way street Lex.”

“I know, but –”

“There are no ‘buts’ about it, Lexa,” Gustus interrupted. “If you want something to happen, then you may just have to be brave and tell Clarke. Ste yuj, Heda.”

Lexa drooped. “I don’t know if I _am_ strong enough, Dad,” she murmured.

Gustus smiled gently. “Then start smaller, kiddo. You only just turned fifteen. You don’t have to confess your undying love right now. Maybe just tell her you like girls. And if Clarke feels safe, perhaps she’ll tell you something in return.”

Lexa nodded. “I think I can do that.”

* * *

Later that night, after Clarke had returned from hanging out with Wells and they were cuddling in Lexa’s bed like normal, Lexa tried to work up the courage to confess. Clarke had been a little somber when she came home – not her normal talkative self. She was currently holding Lexa’s hand tightly to her chest, pressed as far back into Lexa as she could be.

“Clarke? Are you awake?” Lexa murmured quietly.

Clarke hummed. “Yeah.” Lexa bit her lip, hesitant. Sensing her friend’s discomfort, Clarke rolled over so she could see Lexa. “What is it, Lex?”

“I –” Lexa cut off. She stared up at the ceiling, trying to rein in her fear. This was just Clarke. Her best friend of six years, probable love of her life. No big deal. She could tell her.

“Lex?” Clarke asked, concerned now. When a tear slipped down Lexa’s cheek, Clarke immediately sat up and cradled her friend. “Hey, what’s wrong? It’s okay, Lexa. You’re okay,” she soothed.

Lexa nodded. “Sorry,” she sniffed, burying her face in Clarke’s shoulder, the scent of her skin soothing Lexa like nothing else could. It shouldn’t have been this difficult to say.

“There’s no need to be sorry, Lexa. What’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong,” Clarke coaxed.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Lexa denied. “I just – I’m – I’m gay, Clarke,” she blurted then cringed, waiting for the fallout. She didn’t think Clarke could ever turn on her, but the fear that she was wrong was absolutely overwhelming.

Her worry was unfounded. Strong arms wrapped around her tightly and Lexa clutched back, her tears now those of relief rather than fear. “Shh, Lex,” Clarke murmured as she let out a sob, running her hand through Lexa’s curls. “I love you. You’re okay. Thank you for telling me; I love you.”

Lexa gulped down the rest of her tears. “I love you too.” Her voice cracked, and Clarke just held her tighter.

“You’re never going to lose me, Lexa,” Clarke reassured her. “Don’t ever be afraid to tell me _anything_.”

Lexa nodded into Clarke’s shoulder. “You too,” she reminded her friend. “Something’s bugging you tonight.”

Clarke sighed. “Wells tried to kiss me, and I guess I broke up with him,” she confessed.

Lexa shot straight up, wide-eyed. “What?” she gaped.

The blonde sighed and nodded. “I feel bad about it. He’s my friend, and I had suspicions about how he felt for me, but I could never get myself to be as sincere about our dates as he was. And I was too scared to bring it up, always waited for him to do it first. Now it just feels like I was using him. At first I thought it was okay – that we were just friends – but now I feel really bad about it.” Clarke looked miserable. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

Lexa laid down again, pulling Clarke with her so that she was lying on top of her. “Dad keeps saying that we’re not supposed to have everything figured out right now,” she mused. “We’re going to make mistakes, and feel bad about them, but that in ten years, it won’t seem like such a big deal. Even if it seems world-ending right now.”

“Is that what it felt like to you?” Clarke asked.

“A little bit,” Lexa admitted, safe in the knowledge that Clarke still loved her. After hearing what was bothering Clarke, her other confession could wait. Clarke needed her friend right now, not another complication. “I didn’t want you to look at me differently.”

“I could never. You’re my favorite person.” Clarke wanted to tell Lexa about how her stomach was doing back flips of happiness at the brunette’s confession, but it was too soon. As much as she hated to admit it, Clarke had never been able to look at Wells and see herself with him in a way she hoped could be the real thing with Lexa. But it would be callous to immediately ask Lexa out after ‘breaking up’ with Wells, and Clarke didn’t want Lexa to think that she was doing the same thing to her. Testing the waters, so to speak.

There was no rush. Clarke settled comfortably into Lexa, nestled half on the bed and half on her chest. She could feel Lexa getting closer to sleep, the relief in the wake of her confession leaving her exhausted and boneless. “Night, Clarke,” she slurred, her eyes closed.

Clarke smiled fondly. “Good night, Lexa.” She could tell when Lexa fell asleep completely. Clarke leaned up to gently kiss Lexa’s cheek. “I love you so much,” she whispered.

Soon. She would tell Lexa how she felt soon.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter where people wish Gustus wasn't so good at keeping secrets.

“Hey Lex, you ready to go?” Clarke called through the door of the bathroom, where Lexa was supposed to be changing for Raven’s birthday party. Raven’s parents were out of town and their freshman year had just finished up the day before, so the night promised to get fairly wild. Or at least a little wild. Gustus had made them promise that if things got too out of hand that they would call him to come pick them up.

“Yeah, almost!” Lexa replied. “Just give me a minute.”

Clarke sat on the bed, bouncing her knee up and down. “Okay, we just don’t want to be late. Raven will never let us forget it if we’re late to her birthday.”

“Well, I’m sure that fashionably late is something Raven would accept. You know she likes grand entrances.” Lexa’s voice got clearer as she opened the bathroom door and stepped out.

Clarke stared unabashedly at her best friend, mouth slightly open. “Wow, Lex,” she managed to get out. “You look – you look stunning.”

Lexa blushed, looking down and scuffing her foot on the carpet. “Thanks,” she mumbled, scanning her dark jeans and button up, complete with her favorite bomber jacket and boots. Her curls she had left alone, not wanting to make the effort to try and wrangle them in. “Um, you too. I mean, you look really good, too,” she said awkwardly. _She’s just being your friend_ , she chastised herself. _It doesn’t mean anything more than that_. She tried not to stare for too long at the spot where Clarke’s dress dipped to show just a little cleavage. Lexa didn’t want to be like the boys in their class – absolutely no respect for girls and their bodies.

The blonde chuckled. “Thank you. I think we’ll make quite the pair. Everyone else will be jealous.” She grabbed Lexa’s hand and tugged her down the stairs. “We’re leaving Uncle Gus!” She yelled into the kitchen.

Gustus came out, drying his hands on a towel. “Alright. You’re sure you don’t need a ride?”

Lexa nodded. “Anya’s picking us up in a minute.”

“Okay. You just be sure to call me if you guys need to come home, yeah?”

“Yeah, Uncle Gus. We’ll be fine,” Clarke promised.

“I trust you, girls. You both look beautiful, by the way.”

A horn sounded outside, making Lexa roll her eyes. “Always with the honking. Every time,” she muttered. “Thinks she’s in an eighties high school movie and can’t ring the doorbell like a normal person.”

Clarke laughed, taking Lexa’s hand again and pulling her toward the door. “You know how she is. Has to be cooler than everyone else. See you tomorrow, Uncle Gus!” she called over her shoulder.

“Bye, Dad!”

“Have fun, girls!”

Clarke hopped into the back seat of Anya’s car, leaving Lexa the front. “You guys ready?” Anya asked as the doors slammed shut.

“For sure,” Clarke affirmed. “Doesn’t Lexa look great?”

Lexa blushed again, which made Anya crack a grin. “Yeah, her outfit just _oozes_ gay vibes,” she drawled. “All the girls will be drooling.”

“Anya!” Lexa yelled in reprimand, slapping her friend’s arm.

“Hey! No hitting the designated driver!”

Clarke let out a short peal of laughter at their antics. With her encouragement and support, Lexa had come out to the other three girls in their group the month before. As Clarke knew they would, Raven, Octavia, and Anya had been nothing but supportive of Lexa. Raven and Octavia were immediately scheming over potential dates, and Anya was teasing Lexa good-naturedly for being scared to tell her when Anya herself had revealed to Lexa that she was gay the year before.

“Not like you’re any different with your freaking plaid, ripped jeans, and beanies,” Lexa grumbled, slouching in her seat. Clarke patted her shoulder comfortingly as Anya laughed in the driver’s seat.

“Cheer up, squirt. We’ll find some girl for you to awkwardly flirt with,” Anya cajoled.

Lexa blushed, and a squirmy feeling set up shop in Clarke’s belly. _She_ wanted to be the one flirting with Lexa tonight. Only her. Whatever the thing with Wells had been had probably been a mistake, and Clarke was worried that perhaps her best friend had the wrong idea now about her sexuality. Clarke acknowledged that she liked boys, and girls too. She didn’t have the word for that, but most importantly she liked _Lexa_ , and that was all that mattered, really. Now she just had to figure out a way to show her.

Anya winked at Clarke from in the rearview mirror. She’d guessed where Clarke’s feelings lay months ago, and had been trying to gently – as gently as she was capable of, anyway – nudge the pair toward each other. It would have helped her cause if Lexa wasn’t so oblivious all of the time. Clarke as well.

Reaching the correct street, Anya pulled over to the curb in front of Raven’s house and then turned to face the pair, face serious. “Okay guys, here’s the deal. More than likely, there’s going to be alcohol of some sort at this party eventually. Stick to drinks you’ve opened yourself, and don’t lose sight of it. If you decide that you want to drink alcohol tonight, then you stick close to me so I can keep an eye on you. Alright?”

The two younger girls looked at each other before nodding simultaneously. “I don’t think I want to,” Lexa said.

“Me neither,” Clarke agreed.

“I don’t care if you do or not, but this is your first party like this. You just have to be careful.” Anya constantly tried to act like she didn’t care about anything but in all honesty, she’d do absolutely anything to keep her younger friends safe. They were all like her little sisters – Lexa especially. Annoying as all get out, but hers. To tease, guide, bother, and watch out for.

“We will, Anya,” Clarke and Lexa chorused.

“Okay, then. Get out.” Sentimental moment over, Anya shoved Lexa toward the car door, pinning her as the brunette grumbled and tried to push back, arms too short to reach her friend.

Clarke scrambled out of the back seat, giggling, and freed Lexa from the passenger side. “Hey, Anya. Did you wipe your eyes before your mascara dried? Because you look like you’re wearing war paint,” Lexa jibed.

Anya whipped back into the car to look in the rearview mirror, cursing when she saw that her makeup was just fine. “Yeah you better run!” she yelled at the two laughing girls making a break for Raven’s front door.

Lexa burst through the door, holding it open for Clarke and then shoving it closed, locking Anya outside to give them a moment to get away.

* * *

Raven’s house was packed with people, and Clarke knew approximately twenty of them from school. Anya was over by the kitchen, holding a soda and talking with some of her friends from her own grade. Raven was flitting about, being the life of the party. Octavia was off making eyes at some new football player in Clarke and Lexa’s year who’d transferred halfway through the school year and was a full ten inches taller than Octavia and sheer muscle. Lexa, on the other hand, was nowhere to be found and Clarke was beginning to get worried.

She breathed out a sigh of relief when she saw Lexa sitting on the couch, holding Raven’s six month old Labrador puppy, Spark, in her arms. A dark skinned girl Clarke didn’t recognize was sitting next to her best friend, grinning and petting the dog. “Hey Spark,” Clarke said as she sat on Lexa’s other side, giving Lexa a kiss on the cheek and leaning into her. “Hey Lex. Where were you?” she asked Lexa. “You disappeared in less than the thirty seconds it took me to grab us waters.”

Lexa blushed. “Sorry,” she apologized. “I had to go to the bathroom, and found Spark hiding from all the people in there. Took me ages to calm him down,” she explained. “Then I brought him out here and ran into Costia. Costia, this is Clarke.”

“The best friend you were talking about,” Costia nodded. “Raven talks about all of you all the time when we text. I know her from TonDC High. Before she moved.”

The name clicked. “Oh, right. Yeah, Raven’s mentioned you too, nice to meet you. I don’t mean to dash out on you, but I was just heading out to grab Rae’s present. I didn’t want to leave you out of giving it to her since both of us bought it,” Clarke told Lexa. “Do you want to get it with me or are you good here, Lex?”

Lexa considered it for a moment. “I think we’re alright for a minute. I’ll calm down Spark a bit more and when you get back in we can give to Raven together. Okay?”

“Sure thing.” Clarke leaned into Lexa affectionately before standing and leaving the house. Lexa watched her go with a fond smile. The blonde had really turned up the amount of contact they had over the last few weeks. There were more hugs, forehead kisses, hand holding, and general touching. Not that Lexa was complaining – she was eating it up. She just wasn’t sure why all of a sudden, Clarke couldn’t seem to keep her hands away.

“So,” Costia’s voice brought Lexa’s attention back to her and the still shivering puppy, “how long have you two been dating?”

Lexa choked. “D-dating?” she spluttered. “Clarke and – and me? No. No, we’re not dating. Clarke’s straight,” she dismissed with a shake of her head.

Costia looked skeptical to say the least. “Well, she’s the worst straight girl I’ve ever seen, then,” she decided.

“We’ve been best friends forever. Clarke practically lives with me, so we’re just really used to each other,” Lexa explained. “Her mom sucks.” _Sorry, Dad_ , she apologized mentally for bad mouthing Abby again. _But it’s true_.

“Ah. The eternally working parent?”

Lexa nodded. "Not as much anymore, but something like that."

“Know all about that, myself. That could explain it, but she’s still terrible at being straight.”

“Trust me. She’s straight.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Costia was eyeing her, a strange look in her eyes.

Lexa’s brows furrowed. “What?”

Costia smiled. “You’re cute. Anyone ever tell you that?”

‘Stunning’, Clarke had said. “On occasion,” Lexa allowed.

“You should be told more often. Can I take you out sometime?”

Lexa froze. “Like – on a date?”

“Yeah,” Costia chuckled. “On a date. You’re cute, single, you like dogs. What’s not to love?”

While Lexa was trying to formulate a response, Clarke reappeared. “Hey, I got it,” she announced, holding up the box. “You ready to give it to Rae?”

“Uh – yeah!” Lexa agreed over enthusiastically. “Here,” she handed Spark over to Costia. “It was nice talking to you.”

“I’ll have Raven give me your phone number, if that’s alright. I get the feeling you’re not the type to call first.” Costia’s tone hinted at teasing, and made Lexa blush.

“That – that sounds good. Great,” Lexa stumbled over her words. She quickly followed Clarke out of the room.

“What was that about?” Clarke asked.

Lexa looked over at Clarke uncertainly. “She asked me out on a date,” she revealed.

There was a hitch in Clarke’s breath, but she continued on so smoothly that Lexa wasn’t sure she even heard it. “Did you say yes?”

“I didn’t really say anything and then you showed up. So I think she’s going to text me and ask me again later.”

Clarke bit her lip. “Sorry for interrupting.”

“No, it’s okay. Costia seems pretty insistent about the whole thing, so I’m sure she’ll get in contact and I can answer then,” Lexa reassured her.

“Are you going to say yes?”

Lexa thought about it. “I think so, yeah. She seems pretty cool and fun to be around.”

Clarke nodded sadly when Lexa wasn’t looking at her. “Okay.”

* * *

Lexa was waiting for Clarke to get home from the summer art class she was taking one afternoon the next week when her phone rang with a new text.

 **Unknown 2:23 –** _Hey cutie. How about that date?_

 **Lexa Woods 2:25 –** _Costia?_

 **Unknown 2:26 –** _One and only. What do you say? I’ll drive over and pick you up?_

Lexa smiled at the other girl’s confidence. This was all completely new to her, so it felt nice to be the one pursued. Took some of the pressure off of her. So –

 **Lexa Woods 2:30 –** _Tomorrow, three o’clock?_

 **Costia 2:30 –** _I’ll be there. Send me your address._

Lexa complied with a grin. She wanted to tell somebody. She wanted Clarke to get home faster so she could tell her best friend. Lexa didn’t really know Costia that well, but maybe she’d be the key to her getting over her infatuation with her straight best friend. Those never worked out, and Lexa was pretty sure that someday, it would interfere with their friendship. And that was the last thing she wanted. Costia was pretty, outgoing, confident, and seemed to like Lexa. That was enough to start with.

* * *

“Lex? I’m home!” Clarke yelled as she came through the front door.

“In my room!” Lexa’s answer came floating down the stairs.

Clarke thumped her way up, slinging the messenger bag that contained her art supplies onto the breakfast bar to fetch later. Maybe she and Lexa could work on their Ground and Sky story that night. It’d been a while. “You look happy. What’s going on?” she asked when she saw Lexa sitting on the floor and looking at her phone.

Lexa smiled. “Costia asked me out on that date.”

Clarke’s stomach dropped, but she forced a real smile on her face and sat down, determined to support her friend. “Nice to see that she follows through on her promises. That bodes well. Did you say yes? Where are you going?”

“Yeah. She’s going to come pick me up tomorrow afternoon. I don’t know what we’re doing, but she’s the one with the car so I guess it’s up to her?”

“Costia’s the one that asked so she probably has a plan. Hopefully not something ‘boring’ like the movie theatre,” Clarke teased, making Lexa blush.

“It’s so cliché,” Lexa said defiantly. “You know you thought so when Wells took you that one time.”

Clarke giggled. “I did,” she admitted. “It’s not a bad date, but when you’re trying to get to know someone, having to be silent for two hours isn’t really helpful.”

“Were you this nervous before your first date with Wells?” Lexa asked, running a hand through her curls.

The other girl thought about it before shaking her head. “No. But you know I didn’t really know that he wanted it to be a date at the time, and even if I had, I don’t think it ever meant as much to me as this might for you. I knew I wasn’t ready to seriously date anyone. You are.” _I just wish it was me._ Clarke forced that thought out of her head. “But, you know, just be you, Lex. You’re thoughtful, smart, kind, and _so_ , so beautiful. Any girl’d be lucky to have you,” she said earnestly.

Lexa leaned against her best friend, blushing fiercely. “Thanks,” she muttered into Clarke’s shoulder.

“And if she doesn’t have a plan, you guys can always go to that ice cream shop that just opened on twenty-third,” Clarke suggested. “I know you’ve been dying to try it.”

“But we said we’d go together,” Lexa protested. “We were going to go next week.”

“It would be a good first date,” the blonde insisted. “Just keep it in the back of your mind. Maybe you won’t need it. Maybe Costia has a real kick ass date planned.” She was kept from continuing by a yawn.

Lexa grinned. Her friend was adorable sometimes – all the time, really. “Tired?” she teased gently.

Clarke nodded sleepily. In addition to the art class four afternoons a week, she’d been volunteering at a nursing home a few mornings every week; speaking with, playing games, and assisting the elderly who lived there however was needed. Lexa was proud of her, even if it left less time for them to be together and she missed her. But Clarke always came home. “Well, I think we have time for a nap before Dad calls us to help with dinner. Take off your shoes.” The blonde whined, making Lexa laugh. “Okay, you baby.” She tugged Clarke’s runners off and settled her friend underneath the sheet, kicking the comforter down so she wouldn’t get too hot. Once Clarke was comfortable, Lexa joined her, cuddling up close. “Sweet dreams,” she whispered. Clarke was already out – her mouth hanging open slightly as she gripped Lexa’s hand tight near her chin. “I love you.”

Lexa felt a pang in her chest as she watched her best friend sleep for a minute. Maybe she should have been brave and told Clarke how she felt before accepting Costia’s request for a date. But – the frightening possibility of losing Clarke’s friendship because she couldn’t return Lexa’s feelings was more than she could bear. It was better this way. Safer. With that decided, and determined to give Costia a real chance, Lexa kissed Clarke on the temple and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fair few of you have expressed concern about Abby and Clarke's relationship. I am aware that it would take a lot to fix what's broken - a lot of talking and a lot of time. This work will not be that long, but I will do my very best to set them on the path to healing before this story ends.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens at parties doesn't always stay at parties. Maybe a new-ish face will help Clarke get over her less than platonic feelings for her taken best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of America ending today, have another chapter. I hate my country, folks.

Clarke didn’t know why she was at this party. It was an end of summer gig thrown by a guy she vaguely knew. Lexa wasn’t even here – maybe that’s why Clarke was. Ever since Lexa had first expressed an interest in a relationship with Costia – and had ultimately pursued it – Clarke had immediately ended her flirtations and all attempts of starting something with her best friend. She’d obviously gotten Lexa’s feelings for her wrong, and there was no chance she’d in any way sabotage Lexa’s new relationship. Clarke had let jealousy get between them once – she wouldn’t let it happen again.

So she played the supportive best friend – listened as Lexa sang Costia’s praises. Costia was newly sixteen, and so could drive Lexa and herself to all of their dates, no chaperone necessary. Clarke heard a rehash of every date they went on, and each one tugged at her heart. She’d resigned herself to setting aside her feelings though, and as the summer had gone on, Clarke had come to accept that the love Lexa had for her would never be anything more than platonic.

And that was why Clarke found herself at a party she didn’t really want to be at, with Lexa on another date with Costia. Raven was around somewhere – if she wasn’t busy exploding something in the backyard or something.

“Hey, Clarke,” a voice interrupted Clarke’s thoughts.

Clarke turned. “Niylah,” she smiled. The older girl was in the summer art class that she’d been attending, and they’d become sort-of friends. Niylah was a year ahead of her and went to a private arts school across town, so their paths had never crossed before this summer, but they had hit it off in the class. This was the first time Clarke had seen her outside of the art studio, though. “What brings you here?”

Niylah shrugged. “Eh. Friend of a friend knows the guy who lives here, and I just tagged along. I don’t really know anyone here. What about you?”

“Pretty much the same. One of my friends is here somewhere, but I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“We can stick together,” Niylah smiled. “Talk about something besides art class. Get to know each other better. How about it?”

Clarke found herself nodding. “Sure.”

“I’ll get you a drink. What do you like?”

“Oh,” Clarke hesitated. “I’ve never tried alcohol before. I usually stick to water at these things.”

Niylah shrugged. “That’s alright. Tell you what: I’ll grab a water for you and a drink for me. If you want to have a go, you can. No big deal.”

“I think I can handle that.”

* * *

An hour later, Clarke had sipped Niylah’s vodka punch, liking it enough to want her own. She drank that slowly, enjoying getting to know the other girl more. Niylah told her about what it was like to go to a high school so focused on the arts. And it wasn’t just drawing and painting. The students got to take theatre classes, sculpting, metal working, and a host of other mediums to express themselves, along with the minimal required maths and sciences. It sounded amazing.

“I’m almost jealous,” Clarke commented.

“You never tried to get your parents to let you attend?” Niylah asked.

Clarke shrugged. “I can’t remember the last time my mom and I had a remotely meaningful conversation that didn’t end in a fight. If she’s not at work, she’s doing reading and research in her office or asking me why I’m not home ever. I think the last time she even acted like my mom was when I caught the chicken pox in fourth grade and she stayed home to take care of me. Besides, I could never leave Lexa.”

“The best friend you talk about all the time?” Niylah asserted.

“It’s more than just that. Lexa and her dad are my family. They’ve taken care of me – given me a home – since the day we moved here after my dad died. Besides,” Clarke tugged her phone out of her pocket and bringing up her background, “look at her.”

Niylah raised her brows, impressed. “She’s hot,” she agreed.

“You’re hot too,” Clarke said quickly, inhibitions lost easily from her lack of experience with alcohol.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Niylah chuckled. “I know how good looking I am. And honestly, as beautiful as your friend is, she isn’t the prettiest girl in that picture.”

Before she knew what she was doing, Clarke’s lips were on Niylah’s. The other girl froze for an instant before surging to meet Clarke, gripping the back of her neck. “Niylah,” Clarke whispered breathlessly after they’d been kissing on the couch for everyone to see for a good ten minutes, “is there anywhere more private we can go?”

“How tipsy are you right now?” Niylah asked, looking into her eyes carefully.

Clarke shook her head. “None. Just a little braver.”

Niylah grabbed her hand and tugged her up from the couch. “There’s a bedroom upstairs.”

She started to lead Clarke to the stairs, but Clarke pulled her back by the enjoined hands. Clarke kissed her once more before allowing herself to be taken upstairs. Once they made it through a random doorway, Clarke found herself pressed against it until it closed, and then held there as Niylah attached her lips to her neck, working on making a mark.

“Oh my god,” Clarke moaned. After a minute, she pushed the other girl back to give her room to take off her shirt. Niylah grabbed her hands and shifted so that Clarke’s back was to the bed instead of the wall, and Niylah could easily walk her knees right into the mattress. Clarke sat with a thump.

The next thing Clarke knew, her bra was gone, leaving her shorts the only clothes she had left. Her top half was completely bare, and then Niylah was taking off _her_ clothes, and Clarke had _no_ idea what was expected of her in that moment. Unsure what to do and suddenly near paralyzed with trepidation, Clarke backed off, crawling to sit at the end of the bed and as far away from Niylah as she could get.

“What’s the matter?” Niylah asked, inching closer and looking concerned.

“I’ve – I’ve never been with a girl before,” Clarke admitted, wrapping her arms around her knees and trying to cover herself.

Niylah tilted her head, then shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time I slept with a straight girl. Doesn’t matter to me.”

“No. No! I’m not straight!” Clarke protested. “I kind of dated a guy for a while, I guess, but I was also kind of in love with my best friend, but she has a girlfriend, so I just – I’m not gay either. I’ve never even had sex but – I mean – I like both? That’s a thing, right?”

The older girl smiled gently. “Yes, it is very much a thing. It means your bisexual. I’m bisexual. The only point I’m concerned about is why you came up here with me. Do you like me at all, or are you just trying to get over your best friend?”

“I like you,” Clarke insisted. “Besides, what if it’s a little bit of both? I still have feelings for Lexa, but I know that’s not going anywhere, and you’re gorgeous. You’re a fantastic artist, and you haven’t even ever said anything bad about your brother when everyone knows John’s kind of a douche. If you can put up with him for your entire life, that makes you a pretty damn good person. So is it bad if it’s both?”

“Not at all,” Niylah breathed, leaning in to kiss Clarke again. “Has anyone ever told you you’re hot when you curse?”

“No. _Fuck_ ,” Clarke gasped when Niylah nipped her lip. “That feels good. Keep doing that.”

Niylah chuckled. “I plan to do that and more.”

* * *

“So I know we went about this a little backwards,” Niylah admitted, “but will you go out on a date with me?” They’d stayed up in the room after Clarke had been properly introduced to sex, talking and getting to know each other better until it sounded like the party was beginning to wind down.

Clarke was surprised at the feeling that she wanted to say yes. Sleeping with Niylah hadn’t been a magic switch to get over Lexa, but the girl had been sweet to her all night – going as slow as Clarke needed and refusing to push her too far. She’d also made Clarke come twice. Clarke had barely managed to get Niylah off once, but that was beside the point. Niylah hadn’t seemed to mind, and she could learn. So she smiled. “I’d like that.” She dug around in her pants pocket and held out her phone when she found it. “Give me your number.”

“Bossy,” Niylah teased.

“Please, you liked it,” Clarke shot back.

Niylah didn’t deny it, choosing instead to quickly type in her number and send herself a text. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

* * *

Clarke was dreading the walk home. It was only a few blocks, but Raven had driven her there and tended to forget that she was Clarke’s ride after partying, and Clarke didn’t see her red jeep anywhere. “So,” she hesitated, feeling a little awkward. “I’ll see you in class Wednesday?”

“Sure. Do you have a ride?” Niylah asked when she saw Clarke moving toward the sidewalk.

“Oh, um – Raven was supposed to drive me, but I think she left me. I don’t live far; it’s fine,” Clarke hurried to excuse.

Niylah immediately shook her head and motioned for Clarke to get in the passenger seat of her car. “No, I’ll drive you. Get in.”

“Now who’s bossy?” Clarke muttered good-naturedly, obeying nonetheless. She pointed the way, and it wasn’t long before Niylah was pulling up in front of her house. Clarke had thought about just staying over at Lexa’s like she always did, but thought maybe distance for the night would be more beneficial. Her head was a mess, and Clarke just wanted a little time to think about everything before talking to her best friend.

A hand stopped her when she opened the door. “Clarke?” Niylah tugged lightly, urging her to turn back around. “I’ll text you about that date, yeah?”

Clarke smiled. “I’m looking forward to it,” she said genuinely.

Niylah seemed to hesitate before she leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to Clarke’s lips. Clarke kissed her back, liking the feel of Niylah’s lips against her own. Wells had tried to kiss her, but it hadn’t felt right, and Clarke had pulled away the instant he had touched her. This didn’t feel perfect, but it was a lot better than it had been with him.

* * *

Clarke had been fidgeting all day since she’d come over, and Lexa didn’t really know how to ask her what was wrong. She knew Clarke had gone to the party without her last night, but she hadn’t said a word yet on how it had gone. “Clarke? What is it?” Lexa finally sat next to Clarke on her bed, pulling the nervous blonde to rest her head on her shoulder.

“I –” Clarke cut off, unsure. “I slept with someone.” Lexa froze, and Clarke rushed to explain herself. “I didn’t really know anyone at the party, and then I think I had something to drink, and –”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Lexa interrupted. “Clarke. Nothing bad happened, right? You’re okay; you – you wanted to?” she asked, dreading the answer.

Clarke nodded hesitantly. “I definitely wanted to.”

Relief spread through Lexa at Clarke’s words. She let go of the guilt that had quickly been growing for not being there to watch over Clarke and protect her. “Okay. That’s good. Was he any good then?”

The blonde paused. “ _She_ was good, yes. Very good.”

Lexa’s world narrowed to the size of a word. _She_. Clarke had slept with a girl. Slept with, as in had sex with, meaning not straight. “A girl?” Lexa breathed.

“I mean I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know that there was another word besides gay. And I knew I wasn’t that, either,” Clarke rambled nervously. “Niylah told me last night that it’s called bisexuality. Being attracted to both guys and girls. And I know, maybe that seems weird to you, to like both, but I think it really fits me and I just don’t want –”

“Clarke. Clarke!” Lexa broke in, halting her friend’s anxious chatter. She grabbed Clarke’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly when Clarke looked up at her, fear of rejection in her eyes. “I love you,” Lexa said stoutly. “That’s never going to change. You are always going to be one of the most important people in my life.”

Clarke slumped, nuzzling into the crook of Lexa’s neck and shoulder. “Thank you,” she mumbled, her words muffled by Lexa’s skin. “I love you too. I should have told you about it a long time ago, but I didn’t have the word. I thought people wouldn’t think it was real because I didn’t know the word for it.”

“How you feel is valid no matter how many fancy terms you do or don’t know for it,” Lexa informed her. “Don’t ever let someone tell you otherwise.” Clarke emerged from where she was hiding to smile sweetly up at Lexa – the smile Lexa _lived_ for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby steps, people.


	11. Chapter 11

The both of them currently being in relationships had thrown a wrench in Clarke and Lexa’s pattern of behavior. They were as close as ever, but things were definitely different. While some nights were exactly the same – going to Lexa’s practice or game, then dinner with Gustus, completing homework together, and ending the night in bed, other nights, one or both of them would be gone for the evening with their respective girlfriend. Maybe even the entire night.

“Just you and me tonight, Heda?” Gustus asked one night in late September, a month into their sophomore year.

Lexa nodded. “Yeah, Clarke has a date with Niylah and is sleeping over afterward.”

Gustus’ eyebrows rose. “Does Abby know and approve of that?”

“Doubt it,” Lexa shrugged. “You know Clarke tries to not be home when Abby is. Not that you can blame her.”

Gustus frowned but didn’t disagree. He knew very well just how often Clarke was at his house, despite being old enough to be on her own at the Griffin’s place and Abby’s desire to have her spend more time there with her. He was more comfortable having the girl at his place when Abby wasn’t around, anyways. “I guess not,” he allowed. “It’s Clarke’s decision. I’m not her parent.”

“She’d listen to you if you said something,” Lexa replied. “Clarke respects you.”

“If I was worried about her choices, I would. But Niylah’s a responsible girl, from what I’ve seen and I trust you girls. Besides, it’s not like either of you can get pregnant with who you two are dating.”

Lexa blushed deep red. “Da-ad,” she whined, causing Gustus to laugh.

“And you and Costia? How are things going with you guys? Feel free to leave out any sordid details. I’m too young for a heart attack.”

Lexa frowned. “Her parents are talking about moving to Oregon,” she muttered. “Some job opportunity her father doesn’t think he can pass up.”

Gustus made a sympathetic noise. “That’s too bad, Lexa. I’m sorry. If the worst happens, would you two try long distance?”

“How would a long distance high school relationship last?” Lexa asked rhetorically. “Teen romances rarely work out anyway. Fifty percent of adult marriages fail – I doubt we could make it work.”

“You know, you don’t have to be so pragmatic all the time, Lexa. If it’s worth it to you, work for it,” Gustus urged her.

“Yeah,” Lexa sighed. “I know. It’s just hard. But other than being worried about that, Cos and I are good. I was going to ask if I could borrow the car and drive over on Friday actually and stay until Saturday.”

Gustus nodded. “That’ll be fine. Just be responsible like you always are and text me when you get there safe.”

“Sure,” Lexa agreed easily.

* * *

The sound of the front door opening downstairs at almost midnight alerted Lexa to Clarke’s unexpected arrival. The blonde was just tossing the keys for the car Abby had bought her – out of guilt, most likely – onto the kitchen table when Lexa reached the landing.

“Clarke?” Lexa called down quietly, not wanting to wake her father.

Clarke smiled tiredly. “Hey, Lex.”

“What are you doing here? I thought you were spending the night with Niylah.”

“Yeah,” Clarke sighed. “Her mom came home from her trip early. Apparently, there’s a policy about girlfriends at their house and them spending the night. Mainly, they aren’t allowed to.”

Lexa winced. “She kicked you out?” she surmised.

“She kicked me out,” Clarke confirmed, trudging up the stairs.

“That sucks,” Lexa sympathized. “You’d think she would at least let you spend the night in a guest room.”

Clarke flopped onto their bed, heaving out a groan of comfort. “You would think. But it’s fine. I’ll see Niylah tomorrow, I think. She said something about picking me up after school. You can drive my car home if you want. I can just get Niylah to drop me off here afterward.”

“Sure. Saves you having to make a special trip. Did you at least have a good date before her mom interrupted?”

“Yeah. We went to one of those places where you can pick out a piece of pottery and then paint it. We can pick them up next week after they’ve fired them. You’ll like it; it’s a squid,” Clarke said with a hint of teasing in her tone.

Lexa rolled her eyes. “You wish you had the affinity for sea creatures that I do,” she growled, falling on top of Clarke and playfully tickling her.

Clarke shrieked into the comforter, her laughter muffled by the cloth. “Alexandria, you stop right now.” Her authoritative tone was overpowered by giggles, and Clarke struggled in vain to throw her best friend off of her.

“Take it back,” Lexa commanded, giving Clarke a brief respite.

“Take what back?” Clarke gasped for breath. “All I said was I painted a squid.” Fingers were quickly at her sides again, and it wasn’t long before Clarke gave in. “Fine! I yield!”

“I’m not sure I believe you.”

“What, you want me to kneel and swear fealty?” Clarke drawled.

“I don’t think that will be necessary.” Satisfied, Lexa rolled over to rest at Clarke’s side.

Everything was quiet for a little while, and Lexa thought Clarke had fallen asleep. But then the blonde spoke in a sleepy murmur, “You cuddle better than Niylah. She’s great, but I missed your arms.” With that, she seemed to fall asleep, but it took Lexa a lot longer to stop trying to work out what Clarke’s words could possibly mean and go to sleep herself.

* * *

“Wait up, Princess!” a voice called from behind Clarke as she made her way down the empty hallway from the art room to meet Lexa after her soccer practice a few weeks later.

Clarke turned and narrowed her eyes when she saw that Bellamy Blake was the one trying to catch up with her. Despite them being friends with Octavia, the older boy – now a senior – had never really grown out of his superior attitude and was not someone she nor Lexa enjoyed spending time around. Not even Octavia really liked being around her brother that much, choosing to hang out with the group at their houses instead. And Clarke could never forgive Bellamy for harassing and bullying Lexa when they were younger, even if her best friend had long since put it behind her. “What do you want Bellamy?” she asked warily.

Bellamy huffed. “Geez, can’t a guy say ‘Hi’ in peace?” he complained.

“We haven’t greeted each other once in the seven years since I beat you up on the playground,” Clarke replied bluntly. “Why break that streak now?”

The boy flushed with anger before appearing to control it. “I thought we could put that behind us. We were kids. _You’ve_ certainly grown up.”

Clarke frowned. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re hot,” was Bellamy’s rude answer. “Lots of guys here wouldn’t mind dating you now.”

“ _So_ many things wrong with that, I don’t even know where to begin.” Clarke was so angry she could barely speak. “A: No, because I’m happily in a relationship. B: No, because I don’t like you. And C: I can’t believe that you think simply calling a girl hot is enough to get her to want to sleep with you. Octavia truly got all the manners in the family, and that’s saying something.”

Bellamy had the gall to look offended. “You would be so lucky as to be able to say you were dating me,” he hissed. “And who could you possibly be going out with? It’s no one here; I would know.”

“So you’re _spying_ on me now?” Clarke demanded. “Trying to weigh your odds? Well thanks for _deigning_ to ask me out, Sir Blake, but I’m very happy with my girlfriend and not in need of your company.” She turned her back to walk away, but Bellamy’s voice stopped her.

“ _Girl_ friend?!” he shouted. “What, that freak turned you gay too?”

Clarke whirled back around and stomped over to confront Bellamy, forcing him back into the lockers. “Don’t you _dare_ speak about Lexa that way!” she snarled. “Don’t you speak about her at all. How fucking dare you, Bellamy Blake. Lexa is the kindest, sweetest, most intelligent person I know, and you have never been anything but a bully and mean-spirited jackass!” She went to leave, but had one last thing to say. “And it’s called being bisexual, dipshit. Read a book.” Finished for real this time, she walked down the hall.

It took Bellamy a moment to get his bravado back. “You’re gonna regret this, Griffin!” he yelled down the hall. “I can make your life hell!”

Clarke ignored him.

* * *

“Hey. You okay?” Lexa asked when she met up with Clarke at the edge of the field, knowing immediately that something had happened.

Clarke smiled a bit and shook her head fondly. No hiding from Lexa. “It’s fine. Can we talk about it at home?” she requested. “I just want to get out of here.”

“Sure,” Lexa agreed, still a little worried. But she didn’t pester her, merely taking Clarke’s backpack despite her friend’s protests and slinging it over one shoulder. “You’re driving,” she used as an excuse.

“And yet I am still capable of carrying my bag to the car,” Clarke drawled. “But whatever makes you feel useful.” They both climbed into Clarke’s car and Clarke gladly left the school behind and headed for the Woods house. Since her coach had scheduled a double practice after a surprising loss earlier in the week, Lexa had had to cancel her date with Costia that night – too tired to contemplate driving the forty minutes to her girlfriend’s house. “So I get you all to myself tonight, huh?” Clarke sounded pleased with the idea. She’s missed her friend recently, even though they were still together almost constantly.

Lexa smiled. “Yeah. Wanna do a movie night?”

“As long as it’s not the fucking balloon robot again, I’m in.”

Lexa chuckled before stretching her tired muscles and letting out a moan of content. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more tired. It’s not our fault the refs blew that call. I had the goalie tricked – would’ve scored easy if that forward hadn’t tackled me from behind,” she complained. “Then the game would have been over and there wouldn’t have been a shootout.” This was not the first time Lexa had whined about the loss, and Clarke knew she was taking it personally. But she couldn’t help but laugh a little because she was so cute doing it. “You’re supposed to be agreeing with me not laughing at me.”

Clarke laughed harder. “I do agree with you, babe. You’re just kind of adorable.” She parked the car in front of the Woods house and got out.

“I’m not adorable,” Lexa grumbled as she followed. “I’ve said this over and over. I’m fierce. Costia never calls me adorable.”

“You mean to tell me your girlfriend has never called you adorable?” Clarke asked disbelievingly.

“She hasn’t. And since when do you call me babe?”

Clarke froze for an instant before relaxing and going back to unlocking the front door. “Uh – Raven calls us that all the time, and I guess it just got stuck in my head. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Lexa wouldn’t admit that she liked how the pet name sounded coming from Clarke’s mouth. _You have a girlfriend_ , she reminded herself furiously. _An amazing girlfriend that you like very much. Yeah, but you lo-_ Lexa shut down that line of thought.

* * *

“So what happened after school today?” Lexa asked when they were climbing into bed. “I thought you were just going to get ahead on your art project.”

“I did that,” Clarke acknowledged. “I was coming to find you when Bellamy came out of nowhere.”

A small amount of dread settled in Lexa’s stomach. Why did Clarke always run into trouble or do the unexpected when she wasn’t around to watch out for her? Sleeping with a girl she barely knew at a party – granted, they did end up dating – and not telling her right away about Bellamy being two such examples. “He didn’t hurt you did he? Do Anya and I need to kill him?” she asked quickly.

Clarke chuckled. “It wasn’t like that, Lex,” she reassured her. “He asked me out and then he just made a bunch of stupid comments when I rejected him. And when I told him I was already quite content with my girlfriend, Bellamy flipped his shit. Called you a freak that turned me gay. I yelled at him, then left.”

Lexa stiffened abruptly, drawing Clarke’s attention. She started pacing back and forth across the room, muttering angrily. “He’s such a fucking prick. Who does he think he is? Thinks he can get away with that shit.” She continued to rant to herself.

The blonde was surprised at Lexa’s reaction. Lexa never cursed, and she was honestly the most even-tempered if melodramatic person Clarke had ever met. “Lexa?” Her best friend didn’t answer, still listing all the ways she knew to make a person hurt. Eventually, Clarke got bored and stood up too, grabbing Lexa into a hug. “While I’m happy to hear that you would willingly risk going to prison for beating a guy for me,” she said mildly, “I think ignoring Bellamy will work just as well in this case. He wants attention, and anyone who doesn’t give it to him he automatically demands it from. If we ignore him, he’ll lose interest eventually and chase after some other unfortunate girl.”

It took a moment, but Lexa finally relaxed and returned the embrace. “I hate him,” she whispered.

“You don’t hate anybody.”

Lexa thought about it. “Okay. But _if_ I hated someone, it would be him.”

“I know, Heda. Thank you for looking out for me. But everything will be fine. You’ll see,” Clarke reassured her.

* * *

Everything was not fine come Monday. Whispers and furtive glances greeted them when Clarke and Lexa entered the school the next morning. Lexa immediately knew that Bellamy had done something truly awful. She sped up to be a step in front of Clarke, trying to shield her friend from the view of their gossiping peers. Lexa could see Bellamy down the hall, smirking at his handiwork. She glared at him fiercely, pulling Clarke into the nearest classroom. Octavia caught sight of them and followed them in, locking the door behind her and enveloping Clarke in a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke,” she apologized. “He came home Friday night, fuming about you rejecting him for ‘some girl’. Bell said he was going to make you regret it. I tried to get him to back down – I should have warned you. But I thought I’d convinced him!”

Lexa watched as Clarke wrapped her arms around Octavia, trying to soothe the younger girl. “It’s not your fault, O. You aren’t your brother’s keeper. I take it – the entire school probably knows by now, don’t they?”

“Most likely,” Lexa muttered angrily. “What I wouldn’t give to strangle his skinny little neck –”

“Lexa,” Clarke warned, stopping her little fantasy in its tracks. “It’ll be fine. The novelty will wear off at some point. Some couple will break up, and the school will move on to the newest bit of gossip. But if some guy asks me to have a threesome with him and his girlfriend, I may have to shoot him,” she tried to joke.

Octavia gave her a weak smile. “Raven, Anya, and Lincoln know and are on their way. Bell tried to get rid of my boyfriend too. He’s just an all around prick. But we won’t let anything happen to you, Clarke.”

“I know.”

Throughout the rest of the day, Clarke tried to pretend that she wasn’t affected by all the unwanted attention, whispers, or Bellamy’s malice, but Lexa knew her inside and out. Clarke was worried about how people were reacting around her. She may act like she was fine, but Clarke’s biggest tell was that she’d slipped back into silence around lunchtime, sentences getting shorter and more difficult to say until they finally petered out. She’d lifted her head and proudly finished the school day, but hadn’t said a word. Not even to Lexa. Lexa had told her to go home after school in order to avoid anyone trying to take advantage of Clarke being alone, resulting in Clarke missing the first game of Lexa’s high school career. Lexa cancelled her date with Costia to be at home and take care of Clarke if she needed her. And now, as Clarke slept in her arms after taking an hour to finally close her eyes, Lexa planned her revenge.

Jus drein, jus daun.

* * *

Lexa’s plan went into action a week later. When whispers had died down and Bellamy thought he was safe.

Lincoln took his football coach aside after practice for a private conversation.

Raven locked herself in the computer room after school.

That night, Lexa and Anya snuck over to the Blake house while Octavia kept a grim watch from the front porch.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The response to Bellamy's bullying

“You bitch!” Bellamy stormed up to Clarke in the middle of lunch. Lexa immediately stood between them, pushing Clarke back toward Anya defensively. “You had something to do with this, I know it!” he shouted at her.

Lexa got in his face, forcing him back a step. “Back off,” she ordered. She knew how to fight now – Bellamy couldn’t push people like her around anymore the way he could when they were kids.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Bellamy. But whatever it is, I’m sure you deserved it,” Clarke added over Lexa’s shoulder.

“I’m talking about the thousand dollars it’s gonna take to get my tires replaced, the fact that I’ve been suspended indefinitely from the football team, and that my grades are all in the negatives!” Bellamy spat.

“Coach has a gay son in college. You really think he’d take you outing someone to the school without their permission well?” Lincoln asked mildly.

Before Bellamy could say anything, Anya jumped in. “You live in a shitty part of town, and although it suits your attitude, I’m not surprised your car got vandalized.”

“Schools really don’t have great firewalls,” Raven added, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Grades screw up all the time, up or down. Just bad luck yours dropped so far. I’m sure the teachers will manage to correct it before it goes on your permanent record. Maybe.”

Octavia didn’t say anything, but glared at her brother. Bellamy had never outgrown his bully attitude, and she couldn’t overlook every mean-spirited thing he’d done simply because they were related. Seeing that he wasn’t going to get any support, even from his own sister, Bellamy flipped Lexa off and walked away.

Lexa glared after him, still tense and hands clenched, until arms slipped around her and held tight. “You guys did all that for me?” Clarke murmured. “Why?”

“What he did was sick and dangerous, Clarke,” Lexa said firmly, turning in Clarke’s hold but not trying to free herself. “A kid who wasn’t as comfortable with themselves as you are or had the support that you do may not have fared as well. It had to stop before he did it again. Or before someone else decided that outing a person doesn’t have consequences.”

Clarke leaned up a couple inches to kiss Lexa on the cheek, making Lexa blush furiously. “You’re amazing,” she whispered. “Thanks, guys,” she said louder for the group to hear. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course we did,” Raven countered easily.

Anya, as always, tried to play it cool. “I’m the only upperclassman allowed to bully you. And I’ve had to put up with him in my class for years. It’s about time someone put him in his place.”

* * *

“Clarke,” Abby said, surprised to find her daughter willingly standing in the same room as her for more than a few seconds.

“Hey, Mom,” Clarke greeted awkwardly. “Can we talk?”

“Clarke? Is everything okay?” Abby asked worriedly.

The teenager bit her lip, wondering if she really wanted to go through with this. “I – I wanted to talk to you about something – important – about me.”

“What is it, sweetheart?” Abby sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to her, urging Clarke to sit beside her.

Clarke hesitantly complied, ready for a quick getaway if need be. “I’m – I,” she struggled.

“It’s alright, Clarke,” her mother reassured her. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. Please.”

“I like girls,” Clarke blurted out quickly. “And boys,” she hastened to add. “I’m bisexual. And I just wanted to tell you and the school might call you because a guy outed me in front of everyone a few weeks ago and there was some retaliation against him after that and I wanted to give you a heads up just in case. If they haven’t called you by now they probably won’t, but I didn’t want you to learn about it from the principal,” she whispered miserably, prepared for the worst.

Arms she missed so badly wrapped around her, pulling her into a comforting embrace. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, baby,” Abby murmured, kissing the top of her head. “That I couldn’t protect you from that. Do I need to call the school about it? Their anti-bullying policy is in place for a reason.”

“No no,” Clarke denied quickly, sitting up. “Bellamy was kicked off the football team and suspended already. It’s fine. Some students just also took things into their own hands with him and I’m not sure if the administration thinks I had anything to do with it. But – you, you aren’t upset or, I don’t know, disappointed?”

“With you?” Abby asked incredulously. “No, Clarke. Absolutely not. Whether you’re in love with a girl or in love with a boy makes no difference to me, as long as they treat you well and you’re happy.”

Clarke slumped in relief, allowing herself to be drawn back in her mother’s arms. Part of her wanted to be angry and ask why now was the time Abby decided to be supportive and act like her mom. Wanted to hold a grudge. But a larger part of her was aching with relief that her mom was there at all. For this sign that she still cared, in her own way. For a few minutes, Clarke put aside her anger and let herself be held.

* * *

“I told my mom that I’m bisexual today,” Clarke muttered into Lexa’s shirt.

Lexa tensed, waiting for the fallout. Clarke and Abby’s relationship had become more and more strained over the years, to the point that even though Abby had been coming home more and more often at normal hours, Clarke quite obviously headed immediately to Lexa’s house to avoid her mother. “How did that go?” she asked hesitantly.

“Surprisingly well.” Clarke sounded as in disbelief as Lexa felt. “It’s the closest she’s been to acting like my parent since I was ten. She even asked if I was dating anyone at the moment. I told her I was dating my first girlfriend. It was weird.” She scoffed. “Of course, she got called in to an emergency surgery ten minutes later, so the bonding didn’t last long.”

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Lexa whispered into her best friend’s hair. “I wish I could fix this for you.”

“I don’t,” Clarke surprised her with her answer. “If I had a good relationship with my mom, I wouldn’t have an excuse to spend all my time with you like I do now. I’m willing to try if she is, and maybe this will be a start in the right direction for us, but you always come first,” Clarke said earnestly. She lifted her head so she could look directly into Lexa’s eyes. “You’re my favorite person in the world, Lexa. You know that, right?” Perhaps it was wrong to say that when they were both dating other people, but it was true nonetheless.

Lexa nodded solemnly. “And you’re mine.”

Satisfied, Clarke lay her head back down on Lexa’s chest. “I love you.”

The words were so quiet, Lexa wasn’t sure she’d heard correctly. Or was supposed to have heard them at all. It had been a while since Clarke had told her that – since Lexa had met Costia. She froze, waiting for more, but heavy breaths signaled that Clarke had fallen asleep. She sighed, lamenting missing the opportunity once again. “I’m in love with you,” Lexa whispered back, kissing the top of Clarke’s head before falling asleep herself.

Lexa had to make a decision.

* * *

Things had died down at school after the extreme response to Bellamy’s harassment. No one dared to bother Clarke with the threat of retaliation from the rest of her friends hanging unspoken over their heads. When their lives had been quiet and normal for a few months, Lexa really should have known that something was going to happen.

It started with a text from Costia with just a few weeks left in tenth grade.

**Costia Greene – 3:34 pm:** _Hey Lex. Can we talk after your practice today? I’ll be waiting in the school parking lot for you._

Lexa was half dreading what this ‘talk’ was going to turn into. She was ninety-five percent sure she already knew. Costia’s father had taken the job in Oregon back in January, and had moved across the country. The rest of the family was finishing out the school year in Polis, and would be following him in just a few weeks. The writing was really on the wall for them as a couple.

“Hey, Cos,” Lexa greeted, climbing into her girlfriend’s car, still sweaty from her off-season training. “You wanted to talk?” She couldn’t help but notice that Costia hadn’t gone in for their usual ‘hello’ kiss.

“I’m pretty sure you know what I’m going to say,” Costia said in a neutral tone.

Lexa sighed, nodding. “You’re moving to Oregon, and you don’t want to try to keep up a relationship.”

“That’s not the only reason,” Costia said. “I think it’s about time I gracefully bowed out of the dance I interrupted last year. You and Clarke have something special, and it’d be rude of me to keep getting in the way of that.”

“I love you, Costia,” Lexa said earnestly, not wanting her to think that this had ever been a game for her.

“I know that, Lex,” Costia replied gently. “But I was never the one you were in love with. I knew I lost that battle before we even started. I’m not bitter about it. It’s hard to compete with a love that strong and beautiful.”

Lexa bit her lip. “I really liked you, you know? I wanted to make this work.”

Costia took her hand, squeezing it carefully. “We had a good thing,” she smiled. “I don’t regret it. But you’re meant for someone else, and I think it’s about time you started working towards that before either of us starts resenting each other for trying to make long distance work. Better to end it while we can still be friends.”

Lexa nodded gratefully, unbelieving of how lucky she was. Costia could have been furious at her inability to give her all of her love, but instead, she was giving her an out with no strings attached. “Thank you,” she said, leaning in to kiss Costia’s cheek. “I don’t regret it either, but I think you’re right. Clarke’s still dating Niylah, but if I ever get the chance, it’s about time I did something.”

“Get ‘em, tiger,” Costia teased, bumping Lexa’s shoulder over the console with her own.


	13. Chapter 13

“You know,” Gustus began in a teasing voice that would have made Lexa glare if she wasn’t concentrating so hard, “I think we might die if you relax even an inch, so you’re doing a really great job.”

“Shut up,” she muttered, still focused on watching the road and gripping the steering wheel tight in her fists.

Clarke piped up from the back seat. “Yeah, Lex. Lighten up a bit.”

“I’m the one driving,” she shot back. “I can drive this car however I damn please. Darn,” she corrected quickly, making Gustus chuckle.

“You’re almost seventeen, Heda. I think you can say ‘damn’ every once in a while without me jumping down your throat for it,” he told her.

Lexa relaxed a fraction. “I still don’t see why you’re making me drive to the lake,” she grumbled, adjusting her grip on the wheel carefully. “This road is way too intense. How come I never noticed that when I was a kid?”

“It’s good practice,” Gustus said mildly. “Someday you and Clarke might want to come up here on your own, and you’ll thank me then that you’ve already done it.”

“Don’t ruin my complaining with your logic,” Lexa griped, but with a smile on her face. She finally eased the death grip her hands had on the steering wheel and relaxed into her seat.

Clarke gave an exaggerated sigh of relief. “Finally. I thought you were going to have a heart attack before we even got there at the rate you were going.”

“I will turn this car around,” Lexa joked.

* * *

After reaching ‘their’ campsite – safe and sound despite Lexa’s worries – the teenagers set up their tent a little ways away from Gustus for privacy. It’d been a while since they’d done this together: Clarke hadn’t gone camping with Lexa and Gustus last year due to her being unable to get away from her volunteership at the senior home and art classes. Lexa was looking forward to getting some alone time with her best friend.

She and Costia had been broken up for a month, and Lexa’s mind had been trying to work out how to talk to Clarke about her feelings almost constantly since then. She knew how she felt, what she wanted. The one hang-up was that Clarke was still dating Niylah, although she’d been vaguely hinting that that relationship was nearing a mutual end.

Lexa decided that she would just enjoy the time she and Clarke had, and let what would happen, happen. If Clarke and Niylah did end up calling things off, then she could work out how to talk to the other girl. There was no sense worrying about it when Clarke was still ‘taken’.

“When are Octavia, Raven, and Anya coming up again?” Clarke asked, interrupting Lexa’s thoughts.

“Um, Wednesday, I think?” Lexa answered. She’d forgotten that the others would be coming up for a couple nights to camp with them for the first time. Lexa was excited for it, but she’d really been looking forward to just being able to be with Clarke.

“Girls, I’m going to get dinner started, but it won’t be for another hour or so. You can wander around or take a nap if you want,” Gustus offered from where he was placing food on the picnic table.

Clarke frowned. “Are you sure you don’t want help, Uncle Gus?”

Gustus waved them off. “You go and enjoy yourselves. It’s the start of your summer break, after all.”

Both girls gave him quick hugs and thanks before taking off, Lexa leading them immediately down to the lake. “Are you excited about being an upper classman next year?” Clarke asked as she rooted around the shore for a flat stone to skip on the water.

“We literally just finished tenth grade. I don’t even want to think about the possibility of school this week,” Lexa groaned.

Clarke laughed. “Okay well, then we can talk about the fact that my mom wants to meet my girlfriend?”

Lexa frowned. “You never said anything about that. When?”

“I didn’t say anything because I’m not sure it’s the best idea to introduce them.”

“Why not?”

Clarke sighed. “Given mom’s and my track record with meaningful conversations, it’s doesn’t seem like a good idea. Besides, I think Niylah’s going to break up with me soon. Or I will with her.”

Lexa tried to calm her suddenly racing heart. “Why?” she asked, trying not to sound too eager. “I thought things were good between you two.”

“Things are fine, but that’s it.” Clarke flung a handful of gravel into the lake, watching the tiny splashes spout. “They’re fine. And I’m not sure ‘fine’ is the standard I want to hold my life to. I really liked her at first, you know? She helped me with – things. Niylah was the person I needed last year but now I don’t know.” She shook her head.

“Well, you should do what’s right for you.”

Things were quiet for a while, Lexa sitting on the dock and dragging her feet through the water while Clarke continued to skip stones, seemingly deep in thought. Eventually, Clarke broke the silence as she plopped down next to her friend. “How are you holding up anyway? With the whole Costia thing. I should have asked sooner.”

Lexa shrugged. “Some things run their course. It’s nobody’s fault.”

Clarke leaned against Lexa, resting her head on her shoulder. “Who knew these things were so complicated?”

“Worth it though, don’t you think?” Lexa asked.

“Yes. It just sucks when it’s – not right – and you know it isn’t.”

Lexa nodded. “I know what you mean. But we’ll figure it out someday.”

Clarke didn’t dare let herself think on those words too deeply and let herself hope. “Yeah,” was her noncommittal reply.

“Girls!” Gustus called from the campsite. “Dinner’s ready!”

“Coming!” they yelled back in unison.

* * *

“We’re here, bitches!” Octavia practically screamed as she and Raven tumbled out of Anya’s car, making Clarke and Lexa cringe and cover their ears.

“Jesus, O,” Anya drawled. “Some of us want to keep our hearing into our old age.”

“Oh, lighten up. You’re already old,” Raven scoffed, making Anya glare and knock against her shoulder, which caused Raven to stumble into Octavia, who shoved her away.

Gustus walked over to the now disheveled group, grinning at their antics. “It’s been a little while, Anya. Are you looking forward to college?”

“As much as it pains me to think of how much these morons will struggle without me their last few years, I’ll be glad to get to New York,” Anya answered. “Can’t wait to be in a bigger city than Polis.”

“I can imagine,” Gustus chuckled.

Raven rolled her eyes. “Who are you kidding?” she almost snarled. “You’re gonna meet some hot chick over there and forget all about us.”

Anya blinked, actually taken aback, before she forced a nonchalant look. “Sayin’ you’re gonna miss me, Little Bird?” she cooed.

“Gross,” Raven sniffed. “As if.”

“If you insist, Rae.”

Lexa broke in before it could erupt into yet another squabble between the two. Honestly, sometimes she thought the two should just work out their differences with sex, the way they both stared when the other wasn’t looking. “What did you guys want to do first? We can get your tents set up, then go swimming, or hike to the falls that are nearby, or just hang out. It’s up to you.”

“Hike,” Octavia and Anya said immediately.

“Way too strenuous,” Raven denied. “Can’t we just chill today?”

“If you guys want to go to the falls, Lexa can show you and I can hang out with Raven,” Clarke offered.

Lexa frowned, not wanting to be apart from Clarke, even for just a few hours. They only had so much time away before it was back to the city and real life. Clarke had volunteering lined up again as well as some scribing work at the hospital that her mom had helped set up, and Lexa knew it was going to be another long summer without seeing much of her best friend. Especially since she was still dating Niylah. “We have three days, we can do the falls tomorrow,” she decided. “How about we just swim today and Raven can relax on the shore.”

Anya and Octavia grumbled, but agreed.

* * *

The next day, all five of them took the trail to the falls. Anya and Octavia ran ahead while Lexa and Clarke hung back with Raven. They cooled off in the pool that was fed by the waterfall before making the journey back. “When are you gonna do something about that then?” Anya asked abruptly, startling Lexa from her staring – observing – at Clarke.

“About what?” she asked, even though she has a sinking feeling she knew what Anya was talking about.

Anya outright laughed, and really, Lexa thought she could do with a bit more delicacy in these matters. “About Princess, as you very well know,” she clarified.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lexa tried to deny, already knowing it was a fruitless endeavor.

Anya scoffed. “Please. I’ve known you long enough. And don’t think I’ve forgotten how you used to wax on about her at kickboxing lessons. You’re in love with her, you’re single. Do something about it. She’s been waiting for you for years. Seriously, you’re giving Gustus gray hair with how long he’s had to put up with you two lovesick morons.”

It was useless for Lexa to try and refute Anya’s words. “You’re forgetting one very important detail – that Clarke is not single,” she reminded the blonde.

“Eh, that’s not going to last,” Anya dismissed.

“It’s lasted long enough so far,” Lexa moaned, throwing a stick into the pond. “Unless you know something I don’t.”

“Maybe I do,” Anya said mysteriously, and despite Lexa’s efforts, would reveal nothing further on the subject. On the return trip, Anya stuck closer to Raven, helping her over fallen trees when her leg started to bother her and avoiding Lexa very well in the process.

A hand slipped into hers, making Lexa look to her right. Clarke smiled at her, squeezing gently and tugging Lexa onward to give Anya and Raven some privacy. “I’m glad we’re here,” she murmured.

“Me too,” Lexa replied just as quietly, forgetting about Anya’s words for the moment and pressing a kiss to Clarke’s temple.

* * *

That night, Clarke and Lexa lay curled up close to each other in their tent, whispering as they always did late at night. “Lex – do you ever think about the future?” Clarke asked after they’d been quiet for a time, sounding half asleep.

There was a hesitation as Lexa considered how much she should tell Clarke about what she hoped for their future. “All the time,” she admitted. She thought about loving Clarke, kissing her, being able to be with her always. They were planning on going to the same college. Lexa knew that Niylah was heading off to California in the fall for college, and Clarke hadn’t said a word about following her out there. “I see you,” she whispered, deciding to be brave for once.

Lexa barely heard Clarke’s response, her best friend clearly almost asleep. “Me too.”

* * *

A month later, Clarke broke up with Niylah.

That night, she sought and found comfort in Lexa’s arms, and for the first time in a year, Clarke and Lexa both dared to let themselves think of a future where they figured it out together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more full chapter and then an epilogue.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These two finally get their heads on straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you weren't expecting this to show up this week. This is the chapter that started it all, and was written first. It has gone through several major rewrites as the story evolved, but has, in essence, remained the same. Enjoy.

“So let me get this straight,” Raven began on a rare afternoon that Clarke and Lexa were not in each other’s company. “Costia moved away, breaking up with Lexa in the process. You and Niylah mutually ended your relationship for some reason or another three months later. Now both you and Lexa are single at the same time for the first time in more than a year, have been for over a month, and you’re _not_ dating?!”

Clarke swallowed roughly, clenching her jaw. “No matter how I feel, Lexa has never given any indication that she had feelings for me in more than a platonic sense. I mean, we’ve been friends for so long, maybe I’ve just been imagining things.” She’d thought things would change after she broke up with Niylah, but Lexa had continued to treat her as a best friend, and at that point, Clarke was too scared of feeling rejected again to outright confess her feelings to Lexa.

“Oh, my sweet summer child,” Raven sighed.

“I was born in March,” Clarke replied flatly.

Raven waved her off. “That’s not important. Take it from someone who hasn’t known you since you were toddler sized – that girl is and has been and will forever be head over heels for you. It’s _disgusting_ how in love with you she is. And you with her. I can barely stand to look at you.”

“Then close your eyes,” Clarke snapped, trying to not give into the hope that had sprung up at Raven’s words. “You don’t know _anything_ , alright? She’s it for me – she always has been. I’ve loved Lexa since the day I met her. And I _tried_ , Raven. I tried so hard to make her see me that way after the fiasco with Wells. I flirted with her, I cuddled with her, I made her feel beautiful every chance I got. I thought we were getting somewhere.”

Raven was speechless in the face of Clarke’s tirade, struck dumb for perhaps the first time in her life.

“I was going to ask her out for real the night of your party, you know? I had it all planned. And then she met _Costia_ ,” Clarke growled. “You didn’t see her, Raven. Lexa was all lit up on that couch – cute and blushing in a way I’d never seen her before. She was never like that with me, and I was so angry. But how could I be mad at Costia when she looked at Lexa the way she did and was as good a person as Costia is? I couldn’t hate someone who looked at Lexa the same way I do. And I couldn’t take that away from Lexa. She deserves _everything_ , Rae.”

“Don’t you deserve it too, Clarke?” Raven asked gently. “What you had with Niylah –”

“Niylah wasn’t a mistake,” Clarke interrupted. “Sleeping with her at a party when alcohol had been involved was impulsive and rash, but everything I had with her after that wasn’t a mistake. I wouldn’t even call having sex with her that night a mistake. I don’t regret it.”

Raven hesitated. “I wasn’t going to say it was or that you did,” she said, still as gentle as she’d ever been. “You and Niylah were good together. If you hadn’t been, you would’ve heard it from me. But you and Lexa – you’re honestly goals, Princess, and you’re not even a couple yet. And you shouldn’t give up. You’re the most stubborn person I know; since when do you take what life hands you lying down? If you love Lexa, fight to be with her.”

“How?” Clarke looked lost – like she wanted to believe Raven, but was too scared to try.

“Well, there’s the tried and true, age old tradition of asking your crush to prom.” Raven smirked and waggled her eyebrows. When Clarke hesitated, she continued. “Come on. What’s that phrase you and Lexa wrote in your Grounders story? ‘Life should be about more than just surviving’?”

“You can’t use my own words against me,” Clarke protested.

“Watch me.” Raven rubbed her hands together like an evil mastermind. “Now, if I’m not mistaken, we’ve got a promposal to plan.”

“Do _not_ call it that.”

* * *

Lexa’s biology homework was interrupted by her phone signaling the arrival of a text message. She grinned when she saw who it was from. The smile turned to a look of confusion when she saw the actual message.

**Clarke Griffin – 4:44 pm:** _Hey, do you have a color you prefer for prom wear?_

Why was her best friend asking her what color she wanted to wear to the winter prom? Lexa wasn’t aware that she was _going_ to prom, even if it was their first chance to attend now that she and Clarke were juniors. Her phone dinged again, and she looked down.

**Clarke Griffin – 4:46 pm:** _I was thinking a green, maybe? I know that’s your favorite color and finding a tie wouldn’t be too hard since I know you won’t want to wear a dress. I just want to be sure that I can match it okay._

Wait. Her and Clarke were going to the dance together? Lexa desperately tried to remember if maybe Clarke asked her when she wasn’t paying attention. Probably in the middle of study hall. Clarke was not the best at utilizing her free period wisely, and she spent most of the block drawing and talking to Lexa while she worked and listened with half an ear. She probably brought it up then, if she said anything at all.

The real question was why Clarke wasn’t going with Finn. Lexa hated the douchebag and didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him – which was probably quite a ways, if she tried hard enough – but _he_ was the one who was trying to date Clarke. She’d heard him bragging the other week about how it was a slam dunk and Clarke wouldn’t know what hit her when she saw him in a tux. Finn could be charming when he wanted to be, though Lexa had never seen that side of him.

And as much as she wished it was possible, Lexa wasn’t dating Clarke.

No. Lexa wasn’t going to go there. Clarke wasn’t interested in her that way anymore, even if she had been when they were fifteen, as Anya was so adamant on insisting. If it _was_ true, Lexa had missed her chance years ago, and even if her feelings hadn’t changed, Clarke’s definitely had. They were best friends and Lexa was going to have to be happy with just that.

**Clarke Griffin – 4:51 pm:** _Hello…Lex come on answer me I know you’re reading these._

Lexa decided to try and play it off cool.

**Lexa Woods – 4:52 pm:** _I was unaware that I was going to prom. Aren’t you going with Finn?_

There was radio silence on Clarke’s end for a good ten minutes, and Lexa was starting to get nervous that maybe that had been the wrong text to send when her phone rang. “Hello?” she picked up immediately.

“Okay, so here’s the thing. This may possibly be the most embarrassing moment of my life.” Clarke sounded nervous. She never sounded nervous. Clarke was suave to Lexa’s more natural inclination towards introspection, always able to get out of any kind of trouble. “It appears I may have forgotten two very important things. One, I turned Finn down weeks ago when they first announced the dance.”

“You what?!” Lexa shouted into the phone. “But I saw him just last week prancing around like he had you eating from his hand and that you two were going to be the premier couple at the dance!”

“I just said, I forgot,” Clarke dismissed. “And I was never into him. Finn just didn’t seem to get the picture. I didn’t really know how to make him stop without causing a fuss.”

“You cause a fuss,” Lexa deadpanned.

She could hear Clarke’s smile. “Ah, Lexie – just rip the bandaid right off, don’t you? You little heartbreaker,” she teased. “Anyway, so that leads to the other thing I forgot, in which I meant to ask if you wanted to go to prom with me.”

“Despite us practicing all month!” Lexa could hear Raven say from a muffled distance.

“Shut _up_ , Raven!” Clarke hissed.

“I’m still stuck on the ‘you have a smarmy stalker and forgot to tell your best friend about it’ thing.”

“It wasn’t even a big deal, Lex. I didn’t care, honestly. He’s not frightening and not the person I love but I just figured that person wasn’t interested.”

Lexa frowned. “Who wouldn’t be interested in you Clarke? Anyone would be – as evidenced by fuckface Finn – just talk to them. They’d be lucky to have you.” Her chest ached as she encouraged her friend. Anyone _would_ be lucky to be able to date Clarke – herself included. Except she also knew that Clarke could never see her as more than her friend now. Lexa had blown her shot.

“Well, I meant to,” Clarke defended herself. “But apparently I didn’t ask them to prom so I still don’t know.”

Everything stilled around Lexa as her stomach dropped. Hurt coursed through her and she swallowed hard. She should have known not to get her hopes up. She was just the backup plan for when Clarke chickened out on asking her crush.

“Lex?” Clarke’s worried voice asked. “You okay?”

If she’d been listening more carefully, Lexa would have picked up on Clarke’s scared tone. She cleared her throat. “I’m fine,” she replied, trying to be stoic. “It’s nothing – it’s stupid. I just thought you were asking me to prom because you actually wanted to go with me.” She winced. That was _not_ how she’d meant to phrase that sentence. Now she sounded pissed and whiny, and she had no right to be.

Clarke just laughed softly. Lexa stiffened at her friend’s seeming callousness, but then Clarke spoke again. “Yeah, that was the plan. I screwed that one up majorly, didn’t I? Hang on for two seconds. I’m coming over.”

Lexa waited impatiently for Clarke to make the trip from three houses over. She couldn’t believe that it had been almost ten years since Abby had moved herself and Clarke to Polis from DC after Clarke’s father had died in the car accident. A knock on the door interrupted Lexa’s memories, and she rushed to let Clarke in. Clarke never knocked anymore.

“Okay, I did this all wrong from the start,” Clarke said without preamble, giving her a charming grin. “So let me try again. Lexa, will you go to prom with me? As my date – not my friend,” she clarified.

“And have Clarke’s babies?!” Raven’s came out of nowhere, startling them both.

“Raven!” Clarke shouted at their friend, sounding scandalized. “What are you even doing here go the fuck back to my house!”

“Fine, spoil my fun,” Raven complained, trudging back down the sidewalk. “I was supposed to be recording this for Anya and Octavia to see later. You’d better say yes, Commander. Clarke has been fretting all month about asking you out and I don’t want to deal with a whiny Princess when she gets back.”

“RAVEN!”

“I’m going, I’m going.”

Lexa let Clarke into her house and shut the door to keep Raven from hearing anything else. “I’m so sorry she interrupted. I didn’t know she followed me here,” Clarke apologized.

Lexa just laughed. “It’s fine, Clarke. I know exactly how Raven is.”

“I’m still sorry. And I’m sorry for totally spacing and forgetting to actually ask you to prom before deciding that you said yes and skipping straight to the planning stage. I was so nervous to ask you – Raven was doing pep talks and everything.”

“Why were you nervous Clarke?” Lexa wondered. “We’ve been friends since we were eight. You can tell me anything.”

Clarke nodded. “I know, I know. It’s just – I’ve wanted to ask you out since like, eighth grade, and I’ve been in love with you forever, but I was always too scared. I tried after freshman year, but then you met Costia. I didn’t think you could ever like me like that – beyond friends.”

Lexa just smiled. “Don’t be ridiculous, Clarke. I’ve been in love with you since we were ten. I was just too stupid to do anything about it,” she confessed.

It was Clarke’s turn to smile and sigh in relief. “Oh, thank God.” Her smiled changed into a frown and she smacked Lexa on the arm.

“Ow!”

“I can’t _believe_ you thought I was dating Finn Collins! That I’d stoop so low,” Clarke exclaimed.

Lexa winced. “I’m oblivious, I know,” she admitted. “And dense. I can’t help it. I’m just blind when it comes to you.” Clarke huffed, but hugged the other girl again, sinking into her.

“Now kiss the damn girl!” the muffled voice came through the window.

“RAVEN!” the friends shouted together.

* * *

“Girls, if you’re not down here in ten minutes, you’re going to be late!” Gustus’ muffled words made their way up the stairs.

“Just a second!” Lexa shouted in reply. “Clarke, are you ready?”

“Yeah, yeah I will be in just a – there we go. I’m ready.” Clarke stepped out of the bathroom.

Lexa could only stare. She’d seen Clarke dressed up fancy before, but never _for_ her, and now she couldn’t breathe. She gulped. The blonde’s dress was a deep green color, and seemed to shine in the light. She was gorgeous.

“Wow,” Clarke murmured. “You’re stunning, Lex.”

Lexa glanced down, smoothing her matching tie in embarrassment and checking that her suit hadn’t wrinkled. “You too,” she managed, trying not to sound like an idiot. “C’mon, Dad wants us downstairs. He’s probably going to take ten million photos.”

Clarke grinned. “Oh, let him be a proud dad. It’s your first prom.”

“I’m aware. I would still prefer it if he didn’t embarrass me at every chance,” Lexa said firmly.

Clarke just grabbed her hand and led her down the stairs. “Come on then. Off to the torture chamber,” she teased. When Lexa moved too slowly, Clarke turned around. “There isn’t a loaded gun waiting on the other side of the door. It’s okay,” she said more seriously.

Lexa nodded. “I’m just nervous,” she admitted. “I’ve dreamed about asking you out, you know. Legit dreams.”

“In my dreams you always turned me down because you could do so much better.”

Lexa tightened her grip on Clarke’s hands. “Well your subconscious is a moron. No one is better for me than you.”

Clarke gave Lexa a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’m glad you think that. Now I can feel free to mess up tonight terribly and I still might have a chance with you.”

“Hey.” Lexa pulled Clarke back to her until they were standing nearly chest to chest. Lexa’s gaze dropped down to the other girl’s lips before she tore them away and back up to Clarke’s eyes. “Sorry,” she muttered.

“Go on,” Clarke encouraged. Lexa bit her lip before pressing forward, kissing Clarke quickly but gently. Clarke leaned into it, enjoying their first kiss since the experimental one when they were thirteen. When they pulled apart, Clarke let her head fall to Lexa’s shoulder, humming when Lexa brought her arms up to cradle her, keeping her safe like Lexa always did. “I should have said something years ago,” Clarke lamented. “I told your dad I loved you when I was thirteen, but I was scared of what that meant. I was just a kid. I didn’t want to grow up. He said that decisions didn’t have to be made that young, and emotions at that age don’t always last. I was afraid that if I told you, I might stop loving you. Stupid right?” she scoffed. “But I didn’t want my feelings to go away so I thought I’d wait for when we were older, and I could confess that I’d been in love with you forever and then I would be ready. But then you didn’t seem into my advances and you reacted so differently with Costia, so I gave up.”

Lexa smiled, pressing a kiss to Clarke’s temple. “I thought you were straight until you dated Niylah,” she explained sheepishly. “I was so confused, even though Dad and Anya tried to help me. And I was a little dense. I’m sorry – I love you.”

“I’ve loved you since the first time you helped me through a panic attack,” Clarke admitted.

Lexa tilted her head quizzically. “That was the day we met.”

Clarke just nodded. “I know. We didn’t know each other, but you cared so much anyway. I knew you were special, even back then.”

There was an odd look in Lexa’s eyes, one that made Clarke nervous. She was just about to take all her words back, regretting moving too fast, when a wide grin spread across Lexa’s face. “Ten years, and I find out you’re a sap,” she giggled.

Clarke groaned loudly, pushing Lexa. “You just _had_ to ruin the moment,” she grumbled.

“I’m still your best friend, remember? I may be in love with you, but it’s my _job_ to ruin the moment,” Lexa joked.

“You’re only sabotaging yourself.”

Lips took hers in a hard kiss, surprising Clarke. She leaned into it, savoring the touch she’d been craving for years. “We wasted so much time, didn’t we?” Lexa whispered, somber now. “We could have been doing this all along if I wasn’t so clueless.”

Clarke shook her head emphatically. “None of it was a waste. I needed time to grow, and so did you. I was scared of the thought of everything I felt. It was so – all consuming. Overwhelming. What I felt for you – it was too much for me to handle. Uncle Gus was right. Sometimes things don’t last, and I’m not sure we would have survived how powerful my feelings were when we thirteen or fourteen. It would have flamed out. I can handle it now – it doesn’t overwhelm me anymore.”

Lexa pressed a kiss to her forehead, the gesture that always made Clarke feel safe when they were kids. It was no different now. “Our feelings,” she corrected.

Clarke grinned and buried her face in Lexa’s chest, content to stay wrapped in her arms forever.


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue, at long last. Enjoy.

“Are you sure we have to go to this?” Clarke whined, trying to pull Lexa back into their pushed together dorm beds. “It’s still the first _month_ of our first year of college. We have plenty of time for college parties.”

Lexa pressed a kiss to her temple before wiggling out of her hold and dancing back over to the dresser. “You know that Raven is just going to come over here and make us go if we don’t show up. Might as well avoid the dragging.”

Clarke groaned, throwing herself backward onto their pillows. “There’s going to be sloppy frat boys either dumping beer on us or trying to get us into a threesome with them. It’ll be unbearable.”

“Well, just remember that I’m going to bed with you tonight. And no one else.”

Clarke got up on her elbows with a sly look in her eyes. “I’d rather you were just in my bed now and didn’t move from it ‘til morning.”

Lexa blushed and stuttered a bit before whirling back to dig through a drawer for a bra as Clarke chuckled. She still found it a little awkward sometimes when anything sexual was brought up about her and Clarke’s relationship, even after dating for a year and a half. After being friends for almost a decade, Lexa had been so nervous seeing Clarke naked their first time that she’d accidentally elbowed Clarke in the face. She’d panicked and backed away so quickly that she ended up losing her balance and landing with her chin crashing into Clarke’s stomach, knocking the wind out of her girlfriend. Lexa refused to look at Clarke for an hour despite all Clarke’s attempts at reassurance, certain that she’d ruined at least the mood and possibly Clarke’s feelings for her. Clarke had shown her differently later that night, and Lexa had slowly grown used to the changes in their relationship. She’d felt a lot better after Clarke had admitted that it felt weird for her too.

But now they were adults – or not quite adults, in Lexa’s case – and in college, and Lexa could barely resist the urge to just go back to bed with Clarke and forget all of Raven’s threats if they didn’t go to this one party. “One hour,” she said reluctantly. “We’ll go for an hour, then make our escape.”

Clarke grinned. “I can last that long,” she agreed happily.

* * *

She’d lied. Clarke absolutely would not last an hour if that bitch over there didn’t stop flirting with her girlfriend in the next five seconds. There would be a murder in the frat house by then. Lexa, bless her heart, was completely oblivious to the heavy handed flirting the acting bartender was laying on, still attempting to walk away as the girl kept trying to pull her back into conversation.

Clarke growled and stalked over to the makeshift bar that was really just the kitchen counter, putting her hand around Lexa’s shoulders. Lexa immediately relaxed into the hold. “You alright here babe?" Clarke asked, sending a glare over to the blonde chick.

"Yeah, we're fine here, thanks," the bartender sneered. "I was just having a chat with Alex here and I would appreciate you not interrupting me."

Oh. Hell no. "Her name is Lexa," Clarke snarled. "She is _my_ girlfriend and would appreciate you showing some respect toward her."

"Clarke," Lexa murmured. "It's okay, let's just go."

Clarke tightened her grip on her girlfriend. "Yeah, okay. We're going."

A paper slid over the countertop. "In case you ever want some actual fun, Hotstuff." The blonde had the nerve to try to give Lexa her number.

"Um, no thank you," Lexa denied meekly, allowing herself to be pulled away by Clarke.

The pair didn't stop until they were safely back in their dorm, Clarke having texted Raven that they had left the party earlier than planned. "God, that jackass," Clarke fumed. "The absolute fucking jerk, flirting with you right in front of me, even though you were _clearly_ uncomfortable."

Lexa frowned and tilted her head. "Wait. She was flirting with me?"

Clarke stared at her beautiful and so clueless girlfriend. "Yeah. Yeah Lex, she was flirting with you. A _lot_."

"But I – I didn't know,” Lexa fretted. “I’m sorry, Clarke. I didn’t mean to if I encouraged it, I wouldn’t ever –”

Clarke crossed the distance between them in an instant, enveloping Lexa in a hug and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “No, sweetheart. Shh no,” she soothed her. “I know you weren’t. That girl just didn’t get the picture and was bugging the fuck out of me. You’re okay.” Lexa relaxed and nodded. “I guess I can’t really blame her. You were by far the prettiest girl at that dumb party,” Clarke tried to introduce some levity.

Lexa scoffed, pushing against Clarke’s shoulder and blushing. “Was not,” she mumbled. “That was you.”

“Agree to disagree,” Clarke said lightly. Lexa yawned. “Bed now?” she asked, sympathetic. They’d both been concerned how Clarke would handle the transition from high school to college, given her struggles to adjust when they started ninth grade, but it had surprisingly been Lexa who was having a rougher time. Her first semester was loaded with units whilst Clarke had opted to ease into the new environment a little slower, and she was already feeling the stress. “Okay you go get ready and we’ll go sleep.”

Her girlfriend nodded sleepily. “Can we cuddle?”

Clarke softened. “Always. Whatever you want, babe.” Lexa went off to the bathroom as Clarke changed and crawled into bed. When Lexa came back to their room, Clarke held open her arms. “Come on. I’ll hold you tonight. It’s my turn.”

“But I usually hold you.”

“Yeah so it’s my turn.”

Lexa pouted but climbed into bed. She didn’t seem to mind as much when she was safely snuggled into Clarke’s arms. “Night Clarke.” Her voice was already slurred with sleep.

“Night Lex.”

* * *

“Well, look who decided to take time out of their busy schedule and call me.”

Lexa smiled at the sound of her father’s voice. “Hey Dad.”

“How’s it going over there, Heda? You and Clarke getting along alright?” Gustus asked.

“After fourteen years, you’re asking if we’re getting along?” Lexa laughed.

She could practically hear Gustus’ shrug. “Seemed like a normal question to ask your daughter who’s far away at university. The house is still too quiet with you two not around all the time anymore.”

“I told you to try dating.”

“Nah,” Gustus denied. “I’m too old and set in my ways for that nonsense. I’ll just depend on you and Clarke giving me grandchildren in the next few years so I can have little feet running around here again.”

“Dad!” Lexa groaned. “We are not even _close_ to kids. And don’t you be putting any more ideas in Clarke’s head either. She’ll be chomping at the bit. I thought us getting a puppy would calm her down, but if anything, she’s _more_ riled up about having a family.”

There was a pause. “Is it not something you want?” Gustus asked. “Because I was under the impression that you wanted children.”

Lexa sighed. “I do. But I’m twenty-one, Dad. Clarke and I are only just finishing undergrad, Clarke’s going to Columbia in the fall to get her graduate degree in architecture, and I’m going to NYU for law school. It’s just not the right time. But we’re off the topic I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Okay, sweetheart. Why’d you call?”

“How did you propose to your wife?”

Gustus took a deep breath. “Alexandria Delaney Woods, are you _finally_ going to ask that girl to marry you and make her my daughter at last?”

Lexa choked on a laugh. “That was sort of the plan, yeah.”

“Oh, thank god. You two have been driving me gray with all your dancing around the subject.”

“You’ve hung out with Anya too much.” Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Do you have a plan? Do you need a ring? I can give you Cora’s, I know she would have loved you to have it,” Gustus immediately offered.

Lexa smiled sadly, thinking about the potential mother she never had. “No, you keep it. It’s yours, Dad. I think I have the ring figured out, I just wanted some – I don’t know – encouragement, I guess?”

“Okay, I’m good at that. You’ve got nothing to worry about, kid – you know that. Clarke adores you. You have the surest bet at a ‘yes’ anyone has ever had in history with that girl.”

“Right.” Lexa nodded firmly. “Yeah. I knew that.” Of course Clarke would say yes. They’d been best friends for over fourteen years, dating for five of those, and practically living together for the duration of their friendship. Lexa knew Clarke better than she knew herself. She knew that Clarke chose to study architecture because of Gustus and his encouragement to follow her dreams. She knew that while Clarke loved her mother deeply and had forgiven her for her absence in her life, they would never be as close as they used to be before Jake’s death. Lexa knew that Clarke still had nightmares about her father every few months, and that lately his body had been replaced with her own in Clarke’s dreams. She knew that Clarke loved her with every fiber of her being. “Thanks Dad.”

“Didn’t tell you anything you didn’t already know,” Gustus chuckled. “Just do it soon and plan a trip home after. I’ve missed you two.”

The sound of a key in the lock alerted Lexa to Clarke’s return. “I miss you too, Dad. Clarke’s home gotta go love you bye.”

“Babe?” Clarke called, not looking up as she tugged off her shoes.

Lexa smiled fondly at her girlfriend. “Right here, Clarke.”

Clarke’s head jerked up. “Oh. Hi.” She successfully managed to free her foot and went over to give Lexa a kiss. “Guess who just finished up their last final and totally kicked its ass?”

“Me? Three hours ago?” Lexa guessed, smirking.

Clarke narrowed her eyes. “That may be true, but ruin my celebration, why don’t you?”

Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke’s temple. “Sorry. You were saying?”

“Well,” Clarke huffed, “I was thinking – we’re both college graduates now, complete with almost meaningless pieces of paper and years’ worth of student loans to pay off. Why don’t we celebrate by spending even more money and getting some alcohol?”

“Tempting offer,” Lexa mused. “But I think I’ve got a better idea.”

Clarke tilted her head, intrigued. “Oh yeah? Do tell.”

“You have to close your eyes. It’s a surprise,” Lexa instructed.

Her girlfriend looked suspicious, but obeyed after a short pause. “If I end up with something slimy or creepy-crawly in my hands, I’m breaking up with you,” she threatened.

“That would be something any of our other friends would do,” Lexa reminded her. “Just trust me.”

“Always,” was Clarke’s unhesitating reply.

Lexa quickly snuck to their bedroom and grabbed the ring box from her sock drawer. Cliché, but it had been safe there for six months. She tiptoed back to the entryway where Clarke was waiting and got down on one knee.

“Can I open them yet?” Clarke asked.

“Not yet.” Lexa took a deep breath. “I want to tell you something first. You know I love you, right?”

Clarke visibly softened. “I’ve known that since we were eight, Lex. You don’t have to ask.”

“I know. And five years ago, you meant to ask me a question, and you forgot.”

“Really, Lex?” Clarke blushed, eyes still closed. “You still have to bring that up?”

Lexa grinned. “I’m never letting you live that down. But I didn’t want to mess this up by making you wait for this question any longer. So open your eyes.”

Clarke obeyed, eyes searching for a moment before finding Lexa kneeling on the ground, box held out and lid flipped open to reveal the ring she’d bought months ago. A hand flew to cover Clarke’s mouth. “Lexa,” she breathed. Tears were already forming in the corners of her eyes.

“I thought it was my turn to take the big step in our relationship,” Lexa smiled, tears in her own eyes. “Now, I know that we –”

“Yes,” Clarke interrupted.

“ – have – what?” Lexa stopped. “Did you just –”

Clarke dropped to her knees in front of Lexa. “Yes. A thousand times.”

Lexa let out a shuddery breath. “You just pre-empted my proposal. Of course you did. You couldn’t even let me get to the part where I say everything I love about you?”

“You show me everyday. I don’t need you to propose to tell me how much you love me. So yes, I will marry you. If you’ll still have me, of course,” Clarke teased.

Lexa gripped the back of her new fiancée’s neck and pulled her into a kiss. “Forever,” she promised when they pulled away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and Raven and Anya totally got together during college.


	16. Epilogue #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet second epilogue that got stuck in my head this week after hearing Ed Sheeran's 'Perfect' on the radio all week. 
> 
> ....I don't even like Ed Sheeran.
> 
> Anyways. Enjoy and Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and anything else!

“Ladies and gentlemen, one of our brides has requested a second song for her and her new wife,” Octavia announced from the DJ stand she’d taken charge of. “Lexa, if you’ve got a hold of Clarke, bring her out onto the floor.”

Clarke shot a look at her wife – she was going to be using that in reference to Lexa and nothing else for a _long_ ass time – confused at what Octavia meant. “Not that I’m not into it, but you want another first dance?” she asked.

Lexa smiled serenely. “Just go with it.” She held out her hand in offer, waiting for Clarke to take it. She bowed the tiniest bit and looked at her wife in a way that made Clarke’s heart melt and burn all at once. All these years, and Clarke still wasn’t over the confident woman Lexa had grown into from the girl who was petrified by nerves at the thought of having sex with her best friend for the first time. She was in love with both of them – young and innocent and adult and in love. “May I have the honor of this dance, Clarke Griffin-Woods?”

“You may, Lexa Griffin-Woods.” Clarke couldn’t help but smile at saying their new names for the first time. That finally, after sixteen years, they were officially part of each other’s families. Honestly, she just couldn’t stop smiling. She’d dreamed of this day since she was twelve.

Lexa led Clarke out onto the dance floor after telling her to ditch her heels. Raven grabbed them, obviously clued into Lexa’s plan. When they reached the center of the now empty floor, Lexa pulled her closer as the first notes of the requested song filtered into the room.

It took her a moment, but Clarke recognized the song as the lyrics began. “Really, Lex? Ed Sheeran? Little cliché, don’t you think?”

“Hush,” Lexa scolded. “Listen.” She led them in a slow dance, taking Clarke expertly around the floor.

Clarke frowned in confusion but obeyed, trying to figure out her wife’s game. Lexa didn’t even _like_ Ed Sheeran, so what was she doing? And then she heard the end of the first verse, really listening to them for the first time. “Oh my god.”

“And _that_ is why I picked this song.”

The lights dimmed as if on cue, leaving them in seeming privacy. It was a little known fact – a closely and jealously guarded secret, even – but Lexa could _sing_. Clarke loved her voice enough when she was just talking about work but when she sang? There wasn’t a more beautiful sound in the world in her mind. And Lexa singing a romantic song that somehow fit their life perfectly as they danced alone on the night of their wedding? Clarke was moved to tears.

“ _–_ _I never knew you were the someone waiting for me. 'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love – not knowing what it was. I will not give you up this time. But darling, just kiss me slow; your heart is all I own, and in your eyes you're holding mine. Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song. When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath but you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight_ ,” Lexa crooned in her ear, and Clarke had to bring a hand up over Lexa’s shoulder to stifle a quiet sob. She buried her face in Lexa’s tuxedo jacket, not caring if the tears smudged her bulletproof makeup.

As Lexa kept singing, Clarke eventually attempted to compose herself enough to look into her wife’s eyes. Their dancing slowed and wound down to a stop, Lexa’s serenading also coming to a close as the song neared its end.

“ _–_ _I have faith in what I see, now I know I have met an angel in person and she looks perfect. I don't deserve this – you look perfect tonight_.”

The instant the last word of the song left Lexa’s lips, Clarke tugged her into a kiss, overwhelmed by the love she’d felt pouring from her best friend and wife. Their audience was applauding, but the couple was in a world of their own – lost in warm memories and present joys and hopeful future.


End file.
